Sonic the Hedgehog 2 might just be the best video game movie ever.

Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal, meanwhile, is a country mile from being the best video game cereal (my top 3 would be OG Pokémon Cereal, Nintendo Cereal System, and, surprisingly, Minecraft Creeper Crunch).

Just what went wrong with the Blue Blur’s big-box breakfast debut? Well, it starts with the cereal’s poorly promoted existence. When I first got a PR email about this cereal, it was worded very informally. This is exactly all I was told:

“Available nationwide starting in March, Sonic the Hedgehog cereal is honey flavored with sonic marshmallows. The cereal pieces are gold and ring shaped, representing the gold rings from the video game/movie. The blue marshmallows represent sonic swirling around. The green emeralds represent green emeralds from the sonic games.”

Lack of capital letters aside, the problem is that the release date was set for March, before Sonic 2 released in theaters, but it’s only finally been spotted in stores as of yesterday. This all makes me wonder if the cereal was delayed and subsequently(/fittingly) rushed—the box itself reflects this, with the “enlarged to show detail” text appearing very poorly printed and scarcely legible.

Of course, if it was just a muddled release date, I wouldn’t be framing this review negatively. Unfortunately, Miyamoto’s old adage of “a delayed game is eventually good, a bad game is bad forever” does not apply to this video game cereal.

Because it tastes bad, too.

Alright, alright: like an ambitious post-credits scene, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal isn’t so bad it’s inedible, it’s just incredibly disappointing, thanks to the usual suspect that plagues lazy licensed cereals: corn. Yes, while I’m happy these cereal pieces are shaped like Sonic’s rings, and while I’m glad they’re honey flavored instead of like, vanilla or birthday cake, the nefarious Final Bosses over at General Mills—the folks who are so cheap they’d make Dr. Eggman, who at least puts big money behind his despicable plots, cringe—decided to use airy, mealy, and blandly maize’d Os instead of, y’know, the delightfully oat-based Cheerios they already pump out by the millions each day.

Sure, Honey Nut Cheerios with Marshmallows wouldn’t’ve been particularly revolutionary, either, but they would’ve at least tasted way better than these overly crunchy, under-honeyed, and decidedly vacuous ring-things. I’m not even saying honey can’t work with a corn-based cereal—Honey Bunches of Oats is living, thriving proof—but overly aerated, filler-full puffed corn cereal pieces are way less potent flavor vehicles than flakes, which have a better corn-to-sweetness ratio. There’s simply not enough honey in Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal, which is tragic, because the scant few honey notes my taste buds actually pick up feel like a uniquely candied honey that you wouldn’t get with Cheerios or HBoOats.

The marbits, meanwhile, are just fine, having a solid Lucky Charms-y snap to them and a better density than the marshmallows Kellogg’s and Post often use. The Chaos Emerald marbits are passably sculpted, too, but I’m still a bit miffed by the “Sonic swirling around” shapes. Here’s a brief list of things these marbits look more like:

– A pretty flower
– A Star of David
– A sea urchin
– A Fuzzy from Super Mario World
– A blue Gusher

Dang, now I just wish I were eating Gushers instead of Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal. Because frankly, milk doesn’t do these bland rings any favors nor additional flavors. And frankfurterly, this cereal should’ve been flavored like chili dogs to truly pay tribute to Sonic’s favorite foodstuff.

While the Sonic cinematic universe no doubt has a promising future, any sequel to this cereal is going to need more work than the original movie character design. Cheaply made, scarcely flavored, and without even an Idris Elba voice-changer prize inside, Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal is ultimately just another forgettable cash grab.

The Bowl: Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal

The Breakdown: Too much corn, too little honey—these rings ain’t worth your money.

The Bottom Line: 4 soft-spoken press releases out of 10