It’s Christmas Eve Eve, or, as some call it: Christmas Adam.

The icing smiles on my gingerbread men are drying, unaware of the gruesome fates that will soon befall them. My cat is snuggled under my tree, equally unaware that presents will soon be infringing on her pine-scented territory. And, of course, there’s me, doing my best Dune voice in front of my refrigerator and whispering, “The nog must flow” to a room populated only by myself, a cat, and an army of doughy gentlemen.

Oh! And there’s this box of Rice Krispies with Holiday Colors!

I’m not gonna draw this out or leave you hanging: there isn’t much to say about these Rice Krispies. Kellogg’s merely colored a select lucky few puffed rice pieces with a coating of festive red or green. I can only imagine that these merry pieces smugly and condescendingly look down on their plain, snowy looking fellows.

And unlike Christmas Crunch, there isn’t a lot of holiday magic to taste here, either, unless you consider eating piles of airy rice wisps that are about as filling and tasty as a snowball to be “magical.” Especially when they’re turned into early-March slush by the addition of milk.

They do produce an atmospheric crackle that brings to mind charming fireplaces, but they radiate about as much warmth as an 8 hour YouTube version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEYz6HfZBj0

Also, might I add that the red pieces look like aquarium pebbles and the green ones somehow bring to mind Bumble boogers?

Sorry Rice Krispies, but I’m just one of those guys who think that if you’re not being used in cubic form with marshmallows and butter, then you’re wasting my time. And since my house is fresh out of marshmallows (the hot cocoa addiction is real), I had to use these Rice Krispies for something a little different.

So gather the kids, and I’ll roll up the piano and call the Ella Fitzgerald impersonator: it’s time for a good ol’ fashioned Christmas Krispies carol.

Rice Face the Krispies cookie,

Had a very lumpy face.

And if you ever saw it,

You might search for a hiding place!

All of the other cookies,

Used to laugh and call him names (Like “Sir Francis Flake!”),

They never let poor Rice Face, join in any cookie games (Like dough ball bowling!).

Then one famished Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,

“Rice Face, I don’t feel quite right,

“Won’t you let me take a bite?”

Then all the cookies loved him, and they shouted out with glee,

“Rice Face the Krispies Cookie, you made Santa less hungry!”

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The Bowl: Rice Krispies with Holiday Colors

The Breakdown: They don’t really taste like anything more than lightly earthy rice. Eat something more flavorful (like a crumbled up gingerbread man in a bowl of milk)!

The Bottom Line: “Aww shucks, it’s the holidays, so I won’t give you a rating that will hurt your feelings” out of 10

***To all my younger readers: don’t worry, kids, Rice Face lived happily ever after. Gingerbread faces grow back!***

***To all my adult readers: Rice Face was delicious.***