Listen, when the slogan tells you to “save big money at Menards,” there’s an invisible asterisk attached that reads “if you’re willing to wait two full months per 60¢ saved.”

For those confused by most of that (rather than just some of it): Menards is a midwestern hardware store comparable to Home Depot or Lowe’s—if you add a twang of ope-fulness. When news of Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts broke in mid-May, I immediately started looking for a place to buy them. You know, so I could get them in time for Independence Day.

Both wonderfully and strangely, the only place I could find them was on Menards’ website—what’s more patriotic than discount lumber, I guess?—and with a 60¢ mail-in rebate to make the box cost me under $1.50. Sounds like an American Dream come true, right?

Well, 48 automated Menards customer service emails later, I learned that not only were the Pop-Tarts on a seemingly infinite backorder, but I’m also probably the only person to buy them from the site. The page where I bought them has been deleted, and they finally arrived conspicuously in a package better secured than Fort Knox’s solid-gold diary.

So while the actual Fourth of July is weeks behind us, perhaps we can rechristen this occasion: Happy Menardian Solstice, everyone! Who wants fireworks?

By far the worst and best thing about Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts is their appearance. It’s sort of the worst, because it merely recycles the aesthetic of 2013’s Red, White & Berry Pop-Tarts, but it’s also the best because it looks so darn giddy and fun.

It’s why I agree with Matt of Dinosaur Dracula that they’re worth preserving as art fixtures.

Beyond the designer Play-Doh crust and glimmering sprinkles—which have a bit more patriotic tact than some other recent product designs—the taste is, as expected, indistinguishable from any other Blueberry Pop-Tart without a god or country.

So how do I feel about Blueberry Pop-Tart flavor? As mixed as a bowl of berries. On one hand, I love the punchy taste of part-fake, part-real blueberry, but when it comes to Kellogg’s toaster pastries, the uniquities of candied blueberry jelly are largely muddled by the crust. I generally love Pop-Tarts’ buttery and flaky crust, too, but when my masticating memories expect the rich, rustic grain of a blueberry muffin, the comparatively white-breaded taste of Pop-Tart dough pales sky-blue in comparison.

This is most obvious when directly comparing a Blueberry and Strawberry Pop-Tart—the latter is more articulated and focused in its juicy interpretation, while the former feels more generically fruity. But hey, this slab of art is only as generic as you’re willing to carve it.

Mmmmm…Blueberry Venus de Milo.

The aforementioned crust dilemma presents an inarguably strong case for toasting Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts. With a more robustly encrusted crust, toasted RW&B P-Ts don’t quite elevate themselves to the blooming sphere of muffindom, but they nevertheless take on the taste of a multi-berry pie—perhaps a 3-berry medley of blue-, black-, and boysenberry, the very same type of pie inhaled by yours truly at a 2014 county fair eating contest.

(Yes, I won…in a tie-breaking second-round “pie off.”)

Though freezing any Pop-Tart makes for a can’t-beat summer heat treat, chilling a Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tart isn’t nearly as tastefully transformative as toasting it. Sure, the whole thing takes on the texture of springy pie dough, but without complementary caramelization, you’re better off cracking open a hot one with the boys (by which I mean both my box fans).

Or, you know, toasting one and then freezing it. I think that’s called the McDonald’s approach.

Overall, if you’re a time traveler reading this from June of 2019, Red, White & Blue Pop-Tarts are certainly a worthy companion for your summer barbecue (literally: toss ’em on the grill!). But if malleable pastel red crust doesn’t sound like a ringing endorsement to you, your taste buds would probably prefer if you invited Strawberry or Raspberry Pop-Tarts instead. And whichever bot handles automated emails at Menards would breathe a lightly oiled sigh of relief, too.

Here’s a little foresight for 2020, Kellogg’s: let’s try milkshake-flavored Red, White & Dairy Pop-Tarts instead.

The Bowl: Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts

The Breakdown: Seasonally beautiful, but only reasonably tasty, these must-toast Tarts simply can’t hang with the rest of the fruited pastry bunch.

The Bottom Line: 7 chopped & screwed Pop-Tart galleries out of 10