This review is a long time coming. In fact, it’s been brewing in my brain since before this blog was even a glimmer in my temporal lobe.

First things first: I’m a lifelong maple cereal mark, born and bred. I mean, my blood is practically golden syrup’d cereal milk—which is why I bring a satchel of leeches to Denny’s. It might not’ve been the very first cereal to spark a journalistic interest in the stuff (that title, incidentally, goes to Cinnamon Honey Bunches of Oats), but Waffle Crisp nevertheless is one of the foundational cereals whose never-fading nostalgic spirit drives Cerealously to this day. Seriously: eau de Waffle Crisp is a fragrance so potently sentimental, physicists are considering it as theoretical time machine fuel.

And though Waffle Crisp is gone—at least for now, I weep to myself—granularly analyzing other maple cereals still gets me through the day. From modern classics and bold pairings to the genre’s lower lights, I’ve used just about every relevant adjective in the book to describe the breakfast aisle’s ever-shifting forest of maple tastes both authentic and sweetly synthetic. But ever since I first saw it on the side of my Brown Sugar Oatmeal Squares, one mythic maple cereal has eluded me.

Until now. See, I was always convinced that Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares was an antiquated, discontinued variety that Quaker forgot to take off the boxes of the line’s other three flavors. I searched and searched for years, even bookmarking Quaker’s product locator to no avail. But after Justin and I discussed the stuff’s scarcity during Episode Thirty-One of The Empty Bowl, a number of listeners confirmed that the stuff is still sold in stores—albeit only in very specific regional areas. One listener, Brooke from Wisconsin, was kind enough to send us both boxes to try.

So with my decade-old mission drawing to a close, one question remains: are Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares worth the long-fermented hype?

Yup yup. Or should I say, “Yup².”

It only took one spoonful for me to confidently declare Golden Maple to be the best Oatmeal Squares flavor of Quaker’s quartet. Granted, the bar isn’t set that high, because Brown Sugar is really the only other great one—Cinnamon and Honey Nut are minor league in comparison. Nevertheless, it is satisfying to know that my years of unfulfilled fervor for this stuff weren’t in vain.

Let’s make one thing clear: Quaker Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares is nothing like Waffle Crisp. Whereas the latter is an irreverently sweet satire of maple syrup, GM Oatmeal Squares stay true to their source material. While the genuine amber maple syrup flavor is delightfully mouthwatering, it isn’t deeply infused into each piece. Since Oatmeal Squares is one of the breakfast aisle’s densest and crunchiest cereals—each brick is a tightly woven collective of noodly oat twigs—once you break through that tasty golden shell, the maple transitions seamlessly into an earthily bronzed and toasted oat core that forms the bulk of each mouthful. Since I love oat-based cereals, I think this is a great balance. Since the oat parts could more or less stand alone and still be enjoyable, the coy kisses of maple only makes the experience more tantalizing and subtly satisfying.

Now, if your problem with Oatmeal Squares is exactly this, let me introduce you to a fabled ivory beverage of yore that solves Golden Maple’s density and subtlety alike. Yes, since their thatched innards still contain spaces between the thatches, Oatmeal Squares are very good at absorbing milk and softening—without ever truly growing soggy. This means that every creamy bite will still start crispy, before immediately expl-oat-ing milky maple toastiness across your palate.

In the end, take this review with a whole-grain of salted ‘n’ sweet griddled buckwheat, because I doubt anyone in the world will try Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares with as much long-dormant enthusiasm as me. That said, If you don’t mind a dense and less aggressively sweetened cereal, or if you’ve already enjoyed other Oatmeal Square varieties, you gotta give this one a try. Granted, it might not be worth the wild moose chase if Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares aren’t sold in your area, so the best way for my fellow marooned maple mourners to cope would be with Nature’s Path Maple Sunrise or Maple Cheerios, both of with take similar, authentic approaches to maple favoring, albeit with weaker crunch factors.

It’s tempting to just give Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares a perfect score because it’s so important to me, but instead I’ll give an honest compromise based on its scarcity and more niche appeal. And hey, if you hate the stuff, I know the perfect place you could ship it.

The Bowl: Quaker Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares

The Breakdown: Impeccably crunchy, intelligently sweetened, and made to be milked, these Squares are solid gold to maple lovers like me.

The Bottom Line: 8.5 pumps of delayed-release serotonin into my brain out of 10

Thanks again to Brooke for making this review possible!