We miss you, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters. We miss you and wish you would come home.
I’ve lost count of how many years have passed since Post took my favorite HBO variety from me (6 or 7, I think, though that’s like a lifetime in cereal years). That cereal and I were meant to grow old together, Post! We were meant to retire in the countryside and call each other “honey” and “sugar” and chuckle happily.
But instead, you took it to “a farm upstate” and tried the Poochie approach of “upgrading” it into the inferior Honey Bunches of Oats Morning Energy Chocolatey Almond Crunch (note: Honey Bunches of Oats Morning Energy Chocolatey Almond Crunch died on the way back to its home planet).
Why am I telling you this story? Because after seeing Chocolate Oat Clusters, one of three new Nature Valley Cereals, I’ve been forced to relive these traumatic memories. But can this cereal overcome the shadow of its spiritual predecessor (even though they come from different companies)?
Time to wipe away my tears (which have been falling like chocolate rain) and find out.
Upon closer examination, Nature Valley Chocolate Oat Clusters not only includes flakes and clusters, but also tiny squares of semisweet chocolate. I see how it is, Nature Valley, now you’re trying to one-up my dearly departed Honey Bunches, too. Keep rubbing cocoa powder in the wound, why don’t you?
Thankfully, the cereals differ in many ways. First: the corn and wheat flakes. These flakes are very Honey Bunches-esque in texture, as they are brittle, crispy, and extremely light. But their flavor is perplexing; the starchy vegetable notes are almost overpowering, and I didn’t enjoy eating them on their own.
It might be the inclusion of “corn grits” as a prominent ingredient (which is rarely seen), but these slightly bitter, almost squash flavored flakes are a bit too odd for me: like those vegetable chips that health nuts pretend are just as good as Lay’s. Or that mashed cauliflower your hippie aunt tried to pass off as potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
But fear not, chocoholics, because the clusters are delicious, and they run the show. Unlike HBO’s occasional smattering of oat clusters, this cereal has bunches of bunches (it approaches Brady Bunch levels of bunches). Within the clusters, semisweet chocolate bits and oats are glued together by a delightfully nutty…substance that I can’t quite identify. But whatever it is, it tastes like a hardened nougat and it mixes well with the crunchy, toasted oats and creamy chocolate.
The chocolate squares are wonderful, too. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, they’re like microscopic baby angel Dove Promises that shoot arrows of rich, not-too-sweet dark chocolate bliss into every spoonful. Their magic makes even the flakes palatable, and they could probably improve Aunt June’s mashed cauliflower, too.
Eaten altogether, the sensation is quite…hold on, let me search my thesaurus for a synonym for “tasty” that I haven’t used yet…toothsome! Imagine a crumbled up chocolate Nature Valley Granola bar (i.e. one that has been in your pocket for more than 5 seconds), and you wouldn’t be far off. Oh, and be sure to add milk to complete the sticky, glazed granola bar experience.
So even though this cereal’s flakes are easily the weakest link, thanks to the teamwork of clusters and chocolate, we don’t have to say goodbye to these pleasantly innovative Nature Valley Chocolate Clusters. Instead, I’m left wondering if Chocolate Honey Bunches of Oats ever really died at all. Maybe they just pulled a Kill Bill Vol. 2 and went to Nature Valley to train for awhile.
Because this cereal improves on my old, long-lost love in nearly every way. Maybe it’s a sign that I need to let go of the past and embrace the future. Forget all those self-help books: cereal is teaching me all the important life lessons I need.
The Bowl: Nature Valley Chocolate Oat Clusters
The Breakdown: The flakes are the worst part, but that grievance is largely forgiven, thanks to the chewy, slightly nutty oats and perfectly bittersweet chocolate morsels.
The Bottom Line: 8.5 chocolate cauliflowers out of 10
Dan! You’re mean. After reading you raving about HBO i really want some now xD
And that brings me to my question: What are HBO really consist of? It’s hard to identify the ingriedients from the picture on the package.
Is it “plain” cornflakes mixed with honey and cinnamon flavored oat clusters (which were made by mixing them with sugar, flavors and butter and bake them until they resemble those clusters you can find in granola)? Or is it something else?
‘Cause i really think i could like them a lot, since i really like Crunchy Nut (http://www.kelloggs.com/en_US/crunchy-nut-consumer-brand.pt-null.pc-.desc-null.html)
^^
btw i’m crossing my fingers for HBO Chocolate Clusters beeing back! 🙂
Honey Bunches are pretty much exactly how you described, yep! Typically the bunches are honey flavored, but many other flavors exist.
alright! thanks dan!
’cause i always had this idea to kinda recreate HBO in some way by mixing one of these:
[1]
[2]
[3]
with the original cornflakes or some kind of “healthier” flakes. ^^
And thanks to the information you provided right now, the idea is alive again! ^^
I know it won’t be the real HBO, but since you love them so much i need to try them out. Even if it’s just a “bad” copycat version xD
So, uh, I was in Walmart today.
And HBO with Chocolate Clusters is BACK.
(This looks good too; but I loved HBO Chocolate Clusters beyond words.)
Whaaaat?? Seriously? Do you have a picture?
No dude. I might be going back later this week, but would a fellow cereal lover kid about something like that? Trust me. Those lovely Post cereal workers in their hard hats are looking out for us.
That’s fantastic news! It’ll be a while before I can make it to Walmart again, so any pictures or info you could send me would be endlessly appreciated!