I was once content with being a mere granola observer. But thanks to Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola, I’m a believer.

You see, I used to view granola as cereal’s athletic and beefy older sibling. While cereal and I were happy crashing on the couch with a bowlful of technicolor sugar whirlpools, granola was climbing mountains of Greek yogurt and swimming in protein shakes. I never hated granola for being more active than me, but you better believe I turned up the volume on The Price is Right when he walked into the room.

But all that has changed. After a failed search for Sam’s Club’s economy-sized boxes of Multigrain Cheerios + Ancient Grains, I braved Costco instead for something to satisfy my ancient yearnings. And despite sounding like the premise of another Scorpion King sequel (they made five of those movies?), that Costco quest led me to this epiphanic tweet:

It's 1:32 A.M. and I just ate the greatest granola of my life. More to come on this soon…

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) July 14, 2016

Allow me to fulfill that promise of “more to come.”

First off, even though the granola itself is made by Nature’s Path Organic, Costco’s Kirkland Signature brand seems to have a proprietary hold on the flavor. So unless you have a Costco membership card or a kind grandma who will let you borrow her card (better get that grandma wig and impersonation ready), you might be forced to begin an east-Egyptian archaeological dig for your own ancient grains.

Once you’ve got your Costco “in,” though, you may never need to buy another box of this granola. These economy-sized cardboard bricks are big enough to double as piñatas or cinderblocks for living room blanket forts.

The box claims that the specific ancient grains in this granola are KAMUT khorasan wheat, spelt, quinoa, and amaranth. And even though reading that list aloud is probably enough to summon some sort of dark lord, it’s clear that these granola clusters really are stuffed. The craggy granola boulders are the largest I’ve ever seen, and even I had to break a few of them up with a spoon jackhammer to make them palatable.

That’s how you really know these granola chunks are mammoth: I’m the kind of cluster-loving guy who once audibly gasped as he watched his mother crumble a jumbo Honey Bunches of Oats bunch.

372 words deep and I haven’t even mentioned the taste yet. 382 now, whoops!

Once I get past the granola’s crumbly crunch, I’m hit by a warm wave of cinnamon-almond oatmeal cookie bliss. Strong almond flavor is rare in cereal, but the palpable nuttiness from the thick almond slivers here is slightly oily, slightly salty, and perfectly blended with the buttery brown sugar oatmeal goodness of the base.

As I munch on, light ribbons of fragrant cinnamon emerge in the background of the bite. It’s not like the aggressively sweet cinnamon sugar of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, though; it’s subtle and spicy, like a pulsing heated blanket that’s wrapped around my entire cozy spoonful of granola.

And that’s just what this granola is: a comfy treat to eat by the fireplace. Milk is a great choice, too, as the intensified crumble of the now-absorbent granola sends even stronger “cookies and milk” vibes. These home-baked cookie vibes are so strong, in fact, that your jealous grandma might regret giving you that Costco card.

I do have one gripe that keeps Kirkland’s Ancient Grains Granola from achieving perfection, and it’s a pretty big one. Sometimes those big ol’ almond slivers like to shed their nutty exoskeletons, leaving behind flaky almond husks. Something about these husks makes them magnets for the gaps between my teeth, and I was forced to spend many a minute flossing almond bits from my teeth. That may sound like the definition of a first world problem, but every second I’m spending fishing slivers of slivers out of molar crevasses is one less second that I can spend gobbling down handfuls of delightful Ancient Grain granola nuggets.

So that’s Kirkland Signature/Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola in a literal nutshell for you: good for taste buds, but bad for amateur nut dentists like me.

Oh, and please don’t tell big brother granola that I just used the phrase “amateur nut dentists,” either. He’ll beat me up and take my lunch money for sure.

The Bowl: Kirkland Signature Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola with Almonds

The Breakdown: Close to perfect, these delightfully warm ‘n’ cookie-y oatmeal boulders nevertheless like to drive annoying almond wedges right into the middle of your fun.

The Bottom Line: 9 DVD copies of Scorpion King VI: Curse of the Costco Grandma out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 6 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein per 3/4 cup serving)