Da-da-dum da-da-dum, da-da-dum-dum-dum.
Da-da-dum da-da-dum, da-da-dum-dum-dum.
da-da-dum da-da-dum da-da-dum-dum-dum DA-DA-DUUUUM da-da-dum-dum-dum.

If you couldn’t tell by my horrible phonetic theme song translation, this is officially part two (outta who even knows any more) of Cerealously’s Banana Cereal Bonanza, an unplanned event kicked-off deliciously by Kellogg’s and now perpetuated by Post’s Honey Bunches of Oats, one of their flagship, 10/10-earning cereal series that has hitherto been left out of Post’s noteworthy recent resurgence.

But no longer: no cereal brand can slip past Post’s cereal war draft, so now Honey Bunches of Oats (specifically their cult favorite almond variety), has slipped right into the fray Mario Kart-style, on the peeled wings of some smiling banana angels, whose flavor has allegedly been baked into every eponymous granola bunch.

As an expert on Mario Kart theology—divine intervention once saved me on Rainbow Road—I intend to test this theory with a spoon as my chalice.

Visually indistinguishable from normal Almond Honey Bunches of Oats, these B.A. Honey Bunches (the homophonic accuracy of that initialism remains to be seen) nevertheless smells very strongly of tantalizingly baked bananas. I’m talkin’ “gorilla floating through Grandma’s window by the sheer force of the aroma gripping its nostrils” good.

Yet my first taste doesn’t have me going ape, bananas, or even “wow, that was neat.” Because as I quickly discovered, Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches & Almonds is the opposite of Raisin Bran with Bananas: where Kellogg’s sun-fronted fare had a potent banana sheen glazed every last crumb, each oat bunch in these Honey Bunches serves as an isolated talisman of raw banana energy.

Let me elaborate: the flakes taste like every other HBOats flake: stressfully fragile (don’t you dare sneeze near a box), corny, and with a light kiss of equally golden honey, a honey taste which tragically fades here into the simultaneously earthy and richly oily almond extract flavor basted across the cereal’s parts by the numerous nut slivers. These almonds give the cereal its signature, admittedly pleasant and nutty taste, but I was really hoping to see the unique combo of honey and banana (which did happen, nearly 15 years ago!) at the forefront.

Guess I’ll just have to offer my neighborhood bees some banana bread again.

And speaking of which, the bunches are by far this cereal’s most valuable constituents. The wholesome hardiness of the toasted oats, combined with the sharply sweet bite of ripe bananas and the equal oakiness of the almonds, make Banana Almond Honey Bunches of Oats taste remarkably like banana bread…but only in rare spoonfuls where there are many bunches. In reality, this is Almond Honey Bunches of Oats with occasional Uncle Joey-style appearances by the whimsical taste of banana.

But before I tell Post to cut it out altogether, I have to applaud them for how much better this cereal gets in milk…although it’s also more challenging.

See, the longer you leave Banana Almond Honey Bunches of Oats in milk, the more it tastes like sweet, sweet banana bread batter, with the saturated bunches diffusing their baked-in banan-awesomeness throughout the rest of the bowl and soon-to-be golden endmilk. But the longer you leave it sitting in milk, the soggier and more “overwatered oatmeally” it gets, too.

This monkey business leaves prospective eaters a preciously small window of time to obtain optimal banana bread satisfaction from this cereal before it becomes a primate’s primordial soup. So be prepared to either a) eat a very almondy cereal, b) eat dauntingly fast, or c) start slurpin’.

So while I’d give this cereal a 7/11 if I could, the reality is that Banana Almond Honey Bunches of Oats are a great concept with imperfect flavor balance. With Raisin Bran already kicking out chunky banana jams (and with other banana cereals awaiting review), I can’t see it being a top pick, especially since there are many better Honey Bunches of Oats varieties.

Oh well, at least I can use it as a gorilla trap. Now I won’t have to play Donkey Kong Country alone!

The Bowl: Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Bunches with Almonds

The Breakdown: Mostly nutty, with tantalizing tastes of banana locked away in sparse clusters, this cereal is bready-to-go in milk, but it ultimately takes the idea of “bunches of bananas” a little too literally.

The Bottom Line: 7 honey maple dreamscapes out of 10