The first toaster was invented in 1893.

The first fully functional bread slicer came in 1928.

And in 2016, General Mills released Tiny Toast cereal. Shortly after, bread historians declared a new era of toast prosperity: the Golden Brown Age.

You see, since Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn’t shaped like bread, and since French Toast isn’t made in a toaster, that makes Strawberry and Blueberry Tiny Toast the first truly toast-themed cereals ever made.

It’s hard to believe that Tiny Toast is also General Mills’ first new cereal brand in 15+ years. The only thing harder to believe is that humans had to slice bread by hand like barbarians in order to make toasty delight for 35 whole years.

But it’s true: GM’s last new brand was Harmony Cereal in 2001, a short-lived cereal marketed specifically for women. I’m glad that Tiny Toast is aimed at the much more universal audience of “bread lovers,” and as a self-professed “bread head” myself, I’m just as grateful that both flavors now sit in a bowl before me.

No more loafin’ around: let’s roll!

Strawberry Tiny Toast Cereal

First up is my main squeeze: strawberry. I really do love to squeeze a fresh, juicy strawberry, and apparently General Mills does, too. Both Tiny Toast cereals are made with real fruit ingredients, and it’s really easy to tell.

Every adorable bread slice piece of Strawberry Tiny Toast is absolutely bleeding coated with dried strawberry puree and oozing with genuine strawberry flavor.

It’s not the most authentic strawberry cereal out there—that honor goes to Strawberry Cheerios—but it’s pretty close. With a sweet floral juiciness combined with faint puckering notes of lovingly aged berries, it’s a lot like strawberry jam or jelly…

…strawberry jelly spread on bread, that is. The bread base is floury, mealy, and slightly golden browned at the same time. It isn’t the most exciting flavor base, but it provides a pleasantly pillowy base for the strawberry—kind of like a slice of oatmeal bread slathered in Smucker’s.

The reason the strawberry taste loses a couple authenticity points is because of the powdered sugar coating. Just like in General Mills’ Batman vs. Superman cereals, the stuff is caked on and falls off easily. After every handful, I felt like I robbed a powdered doughnut factory, and now I’ll have to explain to my coworkers why my pants have a healthy pink dusting.

Do you think they’ll believe that the sneezing cotton candy monster is on the loose again?

Pouring milk on Tiny Toast is far from essential, but it keeps you from getting caught red-handed, and it adds a healthy creaminess to the jelly flavor. Combined with the moist, golden bread bites, I got a serious strawberry shortcake vibe (not to be confused with the “Strawberry Shortcake vibes” I get after nightmares about creepy dolls from the ’80s).

But I promise that’s the last straw. It’s time to feel blue in the best kind of way! (I promise that’s the last awful pun, too.)

Blueberry Tiny Toast Cereal

Unlike it’s red twin brother, Blueberry Tiny Toast easily wins the award for “Most Authentic Blueberry Cereal Available from a Major Brand.”

Go ahead and hang that award on your refrigerator, Blueberry, right next to your straight B’s report card.

The base bread flavor remains the same, but now the dried blood is replaced with Phazon-colored blueberry powder. It has a happy balance of berry sweetness and tangy tartness, and coupled with the bread flavor, it’s like crunchy Blueberry Nutri-Grain Bar bites.

As someone who once survived the eighth year of his life entirely on Nutri-Grain Bars, Capri-Suns, and Rocko’s Modern Life re-runs, this is a high compliment. Boo Berry could only dream of having a cereal this genuinely blueberry-y (can ghosts even dream? And if they did would they have nightmares of Dan Aykroyd?)

The messy and potentially cloying sugar coating is still a problem, but as before, it’s easy to soak these in milk for a juicy experience reminiscent of freshly baked blueberry pie.

I tried to think of something majorly bad about Tiny Toast, but unless you hate fruit, sticky sugar dust, or bread (for some unfathomable reason), these are worth a try. Unlike the butt slice of bread, these seriously tasty toasties won’t be the butt of anyone’s joke.

As a bonus, if you eat both Tiny Toasts together, it’s like a handful of those gloriously squishy Kellogg’s Fruity Snacks. This means that Raspberry Tiny Toast has to come next. And while we’re at it, a PB&J Tiny Toast wouldn’t be too bad either.

And if you’re already taking notes, General Mills, how about a Banana Bread Tiny Toast? Oh, and I don’t mean to interrupt, but an Apple Cinnamon Tiny Toast would be nice, too.

You know what? I’ll just email you the other 20 ideas.

---

 

The Bowl: Strawberry and Blueberry Tiny Toast

The Breakdown: With enough super real fruit flavor and super dusty sugar on top, these bread-y buddies are ready for the mouths of jelly lovers everywhere.

The Bottom Line (Strawberry): 8.5 bread-slicing cavemen out of 10

The Bottom Line (Blueberry): 9 vengeful Boo Berry poltergeists out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts – both flavors – 120 calories, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein per 3/4 cup serving)

***As usual, or pals at Junk Banter and Snack Cellar have reviews, too!***