There are a couple of good (read: mostly lazy) reasons why I don’t review oatmeal on this blog too often.

1. It’s always so hot that I have trouble photographing it without steaming up my camera lens.

2. Oatmeal is such an ugly foodstuff that I have trouble photographing it without emphasizing just how ugly this grain slop really is.

3. I, uh, don’t own a microwave, so I’m forced to just pour hot milk (don’t even suggest water, you puritans) on it and hope for the best, which, in the case of instant oatmeals like Cookie Crisp Oatmeal, which straight up do not recommend my method, ends up invariably leaving me with a bowl of runny (and thus even uglier) mush.

But nevertheless, I endured these struggles for Chip the Wolf’s sake. And thus, here are my thoughts on Cookie Crisp Oatmeal: the good, the bad, and the inevitably ugly.

See, I got the ugly out of the way first. Despite my best efforts, I ended up with a pretty soupy oatmeal anyway, and the crunchy topping came out in big stuck-together clusters, too.

Here’s the good: I actually liked Cookie Crisp Oatmeal overall. I expected the oatmeal base to be plain and boring, but it’s got a heavy infusion of buttery vanilla that ends up tasting way more like cookie dough than actual Cookie Crisp cereal. Likewise, the little chocolate nibbed toppers are indeed nicely crisped and burst with, again, way more real chocolate flavor than Cookie Crisp cereal. Together, they present a nice textural contrast as well as a warm, indulgent flavor that’s not far off from a real bowl of chocolate chip oat-studded cookie dough (assuming you either prepare this oatmeal correctly or like sipping your cookie dough through a straw).

And the bad? Well, despite liking the flavor, I have to say the quality of oat used in Cookie Crisp Oatmeal feels pretty poor. The oats are wimpy, flaky little things that feel pretty heavily processed. Likewise, I wish they gave you more toppers in each pouch, and I wish said toppings had a little more structural integrity so their crispness didn’t more or less immediately soggify by the time you’ve gotten to the end of the bowl. I guess the solution is to a) eat more than one packet at a time and b) sprinkle on the topping as needed while you eat, instead of all at once to begin with.

All in all though, not bad! Now say it with me, Cookie Crisp Oatmeal: I’m ugly and I’m proud!

The Bottom Line: 7.5 hot cereal luddites out of 10