27

Nov. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Jewel Signature Select Hot Cocoa O’s

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqSiqyA3AP/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1vtajq7hl3p8e

You know what they say: imitation is the sincerest form of fattening.

Wait, did I get that right?

Maybe I’ve got too many sugary snacks on the brain, but after seeing @dadbodsnacks‘ latest delectable discovery, Jewel’s Signature Select Hot Cocoa O’s, I can’t help but conspiracy-theorize that these really are just Trader Joe’s Hot Cocoa O’s rebranded, as they look exactly the same, right down the chubby chiclet marshmallows.

After all, it wouldn’t even be the first case of store-branded Christmastime cereal counterfeiting we’ve seen this week. Much like how on the internet, no one knows you’re a dog, in the cereal aisle, no one truly knows if you stole your idea from a Wolf or any other average Joe.

Whether or not these Hot Cocoa O’s were birthed from T. Joe’s family jewels may never be disclosed—and since there’s no Jewel store near me, I likely won’t be able to do a direct Joe-xtaposition.

Not that I would particularly want to anyway, as those who keep up on Cerealously’s power rankings will remember I thought TJ’s Hot Cocoa O’s, with their gummy texture and weirdly chewy marbits, is probably the worst holiday cereal in recent memory. The veritable coal or Krampus of the breakfast world, it’s the direct antithesis of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch.

And I suggest keeping the two far, far apart, lest we accidentally kick off some sort of artificially flavored armageddon.

So happy holidays from a distance, Jewel & Joe: I never thought I’d say this, but just send me fruit cake instead.

Posted by . Categories: Specials. Tags: . 3 Comments

25

Nov. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Millville Snickerdoodle Kookies Cereal

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqidYRmlsQl/

What if the Vatican City was the first country to reach the moon?

What if RC Cola proudly flowed through every soda fountain in the world?

What if Jitterbug beat Apple to the iPhone?

It’s hard to imagine the smallest underdogs in a given industry toppling the giants in terms of originality or innovation. But with the latest new holiday cereal to hit shelves, we might just see Christmas Crunch, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch, and its fellow kings of the snow hill ho-ho-hoisted from their flaky ivory towers.

Well, maybe.

Continue reading →

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22

Nov. ’18

The Empty Bowl Episode 5: A Different Kind of Monster Cereal

Happy Thanksgiving!

What better holiday to listen to a relaxing cereal podcast than the one dedicated to filling every gastrointestinal crevasse with carbs and assorted birds before torpedoing into the couch ’til the leftover green bean casserole beckons us to start the cycle anew?

If you’re ready for some post-stuffing cereal stuff, stuff your ears with the latest episode of The Empty Bowl! On this show, my ever-tranquil co-host Justin and I turkey trot through all of this fall’s winter-wishlist-length cereal news stories, ponder the construction of Cocoa Puffs with Marshmallows, and do a nostalgic throwback to some of our favorite dearly departed and discontinued cereals.

While you wait for the tryptophan to kick in, you can support and subscribe to the show here, and follow T.E.B. on Twitter here. Every retweet and cent is deeply appreciated, so our cereal mantras can echo farther across the Cocoa Puff-shaped globe.

Speaking of gratitude, I’m so thankful for everyone who reads this site, listens to our podcast, or interacts with Cerealously on social media. I’ve said it countless times, but the warm reception each article and episode gets is what keeps me doing this. So eat an extra dinner roll or bowl of Thanksgivingish cereal for me, and to paraphrase Justin:

Don’t forget to drink the gravy.

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20

Nov. ’18

Review: Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms

Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal Review

You know that unfortunate person in your life whose birthday tragically falls within a week on either side of Christmas? The one whose cake and ice cream inevitably end up getting rebranded as pumpkin pie and sugar cookies so their family can make a joke about “2-for-1 discounts?”

I have a theory that Lucky the Leprechaun is that person. Why? Because he seems to be thoughtlessly regifting his Chocolate Lucky Charms like someone who’s lived through a spirit-numbing lifetime spent receiving “festive birthday socks.”

Yes, while the Toast Crunch family’s holiday party went off with nationwide fanfare—and probably more than a few interstellar parades, assuming the aliens got my celebratory transmission—Lucky and his band of merry Charms certainly didn’t try to steal Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch’s thunder.

Rather, we’ve been gifted Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms, a cereal that takes the Chocolate Lucky Charm flavor General Mills has refined for decades, with the, erm, questionable geometry of holiday marshmallows first seen in last year’s Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms.

Despite sounding unique, the Cinnamon Vanilla variety wasn’t terribly compelling. So maybe it’s for the best GM went the safer route: especially since, astoundingly, I haven’t yet reviewed Chocolate Lucky Charms on this blog.

That means I can consider Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms a gift of opportunity, if not originality. Much like how coal gives a chance for some (very) early summer grilling. Continue reading →

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18

Nov. ’18

News: Kellogg’s Launches New HI! Happy Inside Cereals

(Image via Kellogg’s)

What kinds of cereals do our various internal organs even enjoy?

I mean, I can pretty confidently say that my tongue enjoys anything sweet and preferably chocolaty, and my trachaea probably loves a good bowl of soft oatmeal after an incendiary round of car stereo sing-alongs. But what do you get for the pancreas that has everything? Or the discerning palate of a kidney?

A big ol’ bowl of milky beans?

Thankfully, Kellogg’s is helping cross one anatomical ally off our holiday gift list: the stomach. With the release of Big K’s new HI! Happy Inside cereal, we can now treat our Best Gastrointestinal Friend to its favorite stocking stuffer: a diverse kingdom of neighborly microflora!

(Image via Kellogg’s)

The cereal’s three alliterative flavors, Bold Blueberry, Simply Strawberry, and Coconut Crunch, all boast an alleged 3-in-1 benefit for gut health: prebiotics (for feeding helpful stomach bacteria), about a billion live units of probiotic bacteria, and your regular dose of fiber. Emphasis on the regular.

Reported by news sources as Kellogg’s first new product in 6 years—a statement that seems dubious by just about any interpretation—HI! Happy Inside can be purchased at Costco, through Boxed, on Amazon, or at Kellogg’s NYC Cafe, in both resealable pouches and bulk packs of cups.

The one caveat? These constructive gut bombs retail between $12.99 and $13.99, so if you aren’t too entranced by the opportunity to turn your digestive system into a prokaryotic zoo, you might be better off with Fiber One of Special K’s Nourish cereals for a boost of digestive health that’s easier to stomach.

Or you could just buy a dozen Krispy Kremes and eat the box—that’s how I was (self-)taught to eat my fiber.

Posted by . Categories: News. Tags: . 7 Comments

16

Nov. ’18

News: Banana Nut Cheerios are Back (Again!)

(Image via General Mills)

Keep your eyes peeled everyone, because it would be a real slip-up if you missed a chance to monkey around with the best banana cereal since sliced bread.

There, I think I got all the requisite banana jokes out of the way: now I can split the real story wide open. Wait, no! That one hardly made any sense!

I really shouldn’t have trusted that Monkey’s Paw to grant my wish for an always appealing style of humor—that damn, dirty ape must’ve heard “a-peel-ing”—but at least my other wish is coming true: Banana Nut Cheerios is back for the merry conclusion of 2018.

Click the image to read our 2017 Banana Nut Cheerios review!

Don’t feel bad if you never even noticed it was gone: this equal parts banana bready and nut muffiny deligjy, which debuted in 2009 to a quick discontinuation and cult following, returned for a limited time last November, too, to the delight of comfy Pyjama wearers everywhere.

See, Banana Nut Cheerios are comfort defined. So while I’m glad to see them back, I also have one qualm: will this become a reliable Thanksgiving-time seasonal cereal? If so, it would be the first instance I can think of where a holiday essentially adopted a previously “perennial” variety.

It would also be a little disappointing. Much like Smash Bros fans who clamor over whether new characters “steal” slots that could otherwise be filled with fan favorites, I worry whether a seasonal Banana Nut Cheerios would keep more innovative Turkey Day cereal ideas—from Pecan Pie Reese’s Puffs to Stuffing Toast Crunch—from ever escaping my imagination.

There’s no sign of nefarious taste-repression yet, but let’s just say I’ll be enjoying my Banana Nut Cheerios with one eye open.

(Because I’m not getting milk up my nostrils again.)

Posted by . Categories: News. 2 Comments

14

Nov. ’18

Spooned & Spotted (Canada): Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Canada

There are a lot of things that separate a good cereal from a great cereal: unique flavor, creative theming, brand evolution. But there’s only one thing that separates great cereals and legendary cereals—you know, the kind of breakfast fare you need a Master Bowl to catch.

And that’s accessibility.

Yes, while you’d expect to only encounter legendary cereals on the secluded shores of the Whirl Islands, true morning myths know no borders. They aim for deliciousness for all, and now Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is joining that wanderlusting pantheon.

Once considered extinct, the Toast Crunch family member I’ve called “the greatest seasonal cereal of all time” has returned this season with full confidence and Canadian citizenship. Spotted by Junk Food Jeff (thanks Jeff!) alongside General Mills’ other, less exciting holiday 2018 release, Canadian Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch boasts exclusive box art, too.

This bluer and more frigid design seems to harken back to the cereal’s original, 2014 art, but now one of the squares wears a pair of floating mittens, frighteningly suggesting rapid mutation and evolution in the Toast Crunch species.

So enjoy Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch while you can, Canadian neighbors, because if this cereal keeps growing new limbs, it might be humankind that’s Limited Edition.

Posted by . Categories: Specials. Tags: , , . 4 Comments