News: Kellogg’s UK Launches White Choc Coco Pops

As one legend falls, another shall rise.

Just as Kellogg’s U.S. has made the borderline despicable choice to make Rice Krispies Treats Cereal a crudely deconstructed caricature of its former, cult-favorite self, Kellogg’s U.K. is bringing its version of Cocoa Krispies to a bold new frontier of flavor.

Fronted by Coco the monkey, a mascot that once blessed boxes of U.S. of Cocoa Krispies from 1991-2001, White Choc(olate) Coco Pops are the first introduction of white chocolate into a cereal brand that I can think of, outside of Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme cereal (which is still appropriately and anachronistically present on Kmart’s website). That cereal was a bit of a flop, which puts the onus of white chocolate revelry squarely on Coco’s shoulders.

But hey, at least he hasn’t been uncannily CGI’d yet, unlike a certain trio of elves who now appear to be haunted wax sculptures.

While I’m unsure whether I’ll ever get the chance to taste White Choc Coco Pops, it’s no doubt been a good month for Kellogg’s U.K., who also stirred up a lot of buzz by making three different beers from the production waste of Corn Flakes, Coco Pops, and Rice Krispies—meaning that if I can’t get my hands on White Chocolate Pops, I might be able to sooth my sorrows soon with a tallboy of White Chocolate Poppin’ Porter.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, international, kellogg's, rice krispies. 4 Comments

Jun. ’19

The Empty Bowl Episode Thirteen: Fillow Talk

Hold your memory foam pillow tight and tell it to take the night off: for now, the only thing you need to remember is that good-good stuff we call cereal. So fill your cleanest pillow case with milk ‘n’ Fruity Pebbles, because it’s time to sink your noggin into The Empty Bowl Episode Thirteen.

On the latest episode of our “meditative podcast about cereal,” Justin and I talk cookies, cookie dough, and cookies + creme; discuss the weighty matter of new Fillows Cereal; and plumb the depths of cereal’s rich media history. Give it a listen while you fall asleep, fall in love, or fall under the spell of Cookie Jarvis.

Got a long night ahead? You can find more cereal lullabies on tape at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they definitely make the work day go by faster.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: empty bowl. Leave a comment

Jun. ’19

Review: Drumstick Cereal (Two Flavors!)

Serious question: at what point does a ‘new’ cereal just become breakfast trail mix?

Not trying to knock General Mills before trying their newest cereal, of course, but the latest and second-laziest trend of new cereal ideation (behind crude ‘mallowfication, of course) seems to be creating Greatest Hits collections of other cereals so it can be called something distinctly new. Post has done it, and Kellogg’s does it every day at their cereal café.

Whether it’s collaging or crate-digging, sampling is surely a treasured technique of assemblage. But would people rather have a pastiche of cereals past, or an actual Trail Mix Cereal with roasted peanut flakes, nutty raisins (a la Raisin Nut Bran), and chocolate morsels?

(Sorry for the specificity; I’ve been contemplating pouring milk in my 10-pound bag of Sweet & Salty Mix all week.)

For better or worse, General Mills’ new pair of Drumstick Cereals tweak the past to create an ice cream of the future (no, not that one). Launching in both Classic Vanilla and Mint Chocolate, each pairs Golden Grahams and Cocoa Puffs with newly flavored disk pieces familiar from Cookie Crisp. Turns out I had mixed feelings. To pre-conclude, as much as the back of the box tries to bamboozle us with fancy new piece names, I can’t help but wish this cereal was a cerealverse crossover instead of something Drumstick branded.

Can’t you picture Sonny the Cuckoo and Chip the Wolf surfing on Golden Graham pieces across a honeyed sea? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, 7 rating, chocolate, general mills, mint. 9 Comments

Jun. ’19

Review: Cap’n Crunch’s Cotton Candy Crunch

For most of my life, I thought the best thing about cotton candy was its mascot: that nameless pink monster who not only looks like the lovechild of Mr. Bubble and a loofah, but who also deserves a place at the Halloween breakfast table right next to Chocula and his ilk.

But now that I’ve grown into a bubbly loafer of an adult, I’m just as enthralled with cotton candy’s many monikers around the world. It was first called ‘dragon’s breath’ in China’s Han dynasty around 200 CE, ‘candy floss’ in many European countries today, ‘sugar spin’ in Norway…’grandma’s hair’ in Greece…and…uhh…’dad’s beard’ in France.

And here I thought eating cotton sounded unappealing. “Better fluff than follicles,” as my clean-shaven dad always said.

Thanks to Quaker and Cap’n Crunch, we now have a new way to talk about cotton candy: with our mouths full. By turning the melt-in-your-mouth ephemera of cotton candy into something crunchy and tongue-stable, the Cap’n is expanding his line of wacky one-offs with Cotton Candy Crunch.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a nearby circus or country fair to review (and deep fry) this stuff at, but luckily, I’m enough of a clown that I feel qualified to taste test it from the comfort of my big honkin’ bed. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cap'n crunch, quaker. 14 Comments

Jun. ’19

Spooned & Spotted: Rice Krispies Treats Cereal (New “Recipe”)

So this is how a legend dies.

With an epidemic of marshmallows.

I’m usually pretty positive about new cereal news. Whether it’s a sour cereal or a savory cereal, I’m always willing to give iffy premises the benefit of the doubt. But this? This is egregious. The most insensitive offence since Alpha-Bits annihilated what little cereal clout they had left.

Yes, Rice Krispies Treats, a big-time cult favorite cereal since its 1993 debut—even as it became harder to find in recent years—is “back” with a “new recipe” that Kellogg’s somehow thinks we won’t notice is a complete abandonment of what made RKTC so good.

The cereal was comprised of small Rice Krispies clusters: demurely unfrosted versions of today’s Snap, Crackle Poppers that were bound by a buttery marshmallow goo that was the real star of the show. It was a clever facsimile of a real Rice Krispies Treat—think a thematic cousin of Powdered Donettes, and just as sweet.

But now? It’s (Frosted) Rice Krispies and Marshmallows. That’s it, folks. Show’s over. Kellogg’s has already made some dubious decisions lately to make a half dozen cereals all using the same flavor profile of “sweetened sugar ring,” and now they’re continuing the pandemic replacement of creativity with marshmallows, while also lobotomizing a modern cereal myth. I’ve spotted this certainly new and dubiously improved stuff at Target, but it should be everywhere by now.

I’ll give Kellogg’s a dainty sliver of benefitted doubt that the Krispies might taste different here (it does say sweetened toasted rice), but if you don’t see a review of it on this blog soon, it’s probably because my sliver was shattered.

Rest in smaller pieces, my deconstructed old Treat. Let’s remember the good times:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=38l0S0YaVAQ

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: kellogg's, rice krispies. 82 Comments

Jun. ’19

News: FYE Summons a Blue-Eyes White Dragon Cereal

Need a cereal that’ll directly attack your nostalgic life points? No need to tribute your two weakest cereals, because FYE is stacking the deck in your favor.

As part of a larger cross-promotion with the Yu-Gi-Oh Trading Card Game, FYE is debuting a Blue-Eyes White Dragon Berry Blast cereal. For those unfamiliar with Yu-Gi-Oh, all you need to know is that Blue-Eyes, with its 3000 attack points, is one of the oldest and most iconic cards in this ever-sprawling game of dueling wills. The in-game Blue-Eyes brand has since been expanded to include a whole bestiary of powerful creatures, and with this cereal, the Dragon has evolved from cardstock to cardboard.

Retailing between $10 and $13 and launching June 14th, there are basically no details on what Blue-Eyes’ Berry Blast flavor will actually taste like, besides “artificial flavor.” Heck, the clipart cereal on the box makes the whole thing look like a crude fan PhotoShop job—and the puffs aren’t even blue! I sincerely hope this is just a prototype box, and the real thing tastes like those gummy blue sharks.

But hey: at least it’s not another FunkO’s Cereal. Blue-Eyes would eat those big-headed twerps for…you get the idea.

As always, if you’ve got new cereal news of your own to share, you can send them to ~~the shadow realm~~ our Submissions page, or directly to dan@cerealously.net.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: fye, news. 1 Comment

Jun. ’19

Review: The Crunch Cup

Cereal, in all its meditative morning zen oneness, feels like a static concept. When eaten in the morning, just past noon, or at midnight, it centers, grounds, and rebalances our day to an even keel.

For this reason—and the whole milk thing—eating cereal on the go typically requires either a crumb-ersome cereal bar or two separate thermoses for Cap’n Crunch and 2%. The problematic conundrum of mobile cereal munching is so pandemic, it’s even been pop-culturally immortalized on TV.

But the folks behind the successfully crowdfunded Crunch Cup, which raised over $100,000 from online backers, want to change that. Using a cleverly designed two-chamber system, this mobile cereal solution bills is striving for a sweeter, more convenient breakfastian world. They were also kind enough to send me a Crunch Cup for this review, so while I’ll probably still instinctively avoid eating cereal on the go (ever since that time I spilled a whole milky cup of Cocoa Puffs on my pants in high school and yelped so loud I derailed the calculus lesson), I’m here to playtest it for the good of your soon-to-be-creamier morning commute.

Because hey: if you’ve got a family-sized box of cereal in your passenger seat, you’re totally allowed to use the carpool lane.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating. 3 Comments

Jun. ’19

News: Two New Malt-O-Meal Cookie Cereals!

We interrupt this week’s news blitz of new cookie-flavored and pillow-shaped cereals with something even more exciting: two big honkin’ pillow-sized bags of cookie cereal!

Just as Post is launching Mega Stuf Oreo O’s in bagged form, its subsidiary cereal kilns at Malt-O-Meal are cranking out dozens of dozens of little cookies to fill bags of new Cold Stone Creamery and mainline Malt-O-Meal Cookie Bites.

Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some is the latest (and most cumbersomely named) entry in Malt-O-Meal’s partnership with Cold Stone Creamery, which launched with the lame party of Birthday Cake Remix and fantastically grahamed Our Strawberry Blonde.

The Cold Stone flavor this is modeled on is popular for a reason. It includes “French Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Chips, Cookie Dough, Fudge and Caramel,” i.e. the only things a human needs for eternal happiness. Cookies Doughn’t You Want Some appears to simplify the formula a great deal, only boasting cookie dough-flavored cereal with marshmallows. I sincerely hope the cookie dough base brings more nuanced, buttery or eggy richness than other cookie cereals, rather than this just being Cookie Crisp with Marbits.

Because then I’d have to call Officer Crumb to raid M-O-M headquarters with a wrongful impersonation affidavit. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, cinnamon, ice cream, malt-o-meal. Leave a comment