News: Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks Mashups

Just look at this box art and tell me it doesn’t make you want a Kellogg’s All-Stars Battle Royale game. I’d totally main the Raisin Bran sun until they eventually have to nerf him for being celestially OP.

Dream brawlers aside, the second entry in Kellogg’s fighters pass of mashed-up cereals has been announced and it’s…a bit of a clunker. Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks isn’t exactly an innovative evolution from Frosted Flakes + Froot Loops. My personal new cereal hopes are frequently dashed, but I didn’t think it that unrealistic to expect Kellogg’s to try two totally different mix-ins this time around.

Like Corn Pops + Honey Smacks, maybe. Or Krave + Cocoa Krispies. Anything but Frosted Flakes again, since it adds very little to a two-cereal fusion. It basically just “Yes, and”s the other one’s sweetness, and that’s what I expect from Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks. It’s not often that I’m outright dismissive of a cereal from the get-go, but since this Mashup is about as predictable as a new cereal can be, Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks is going to have to twist fate and unlock some arcane flavor magic to impress me.

If you need any more reasons to temper your appetite, here’re two: Shaq’s Frosted Flakes with Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs are already the exact same thing, with the added bonus of getting to say the phrase “Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs.” Not to mention how Cinnamon Frosted Flakes exist, yet neither this Mashup nor Shaq’s cereal makes use of them. Since Cinnamon Frosted Flakes and Apple Jacks have very different cinnamon interpretations, that could’ve actually been fun!

Oh well. By the way, if you want to play an actual cereal fighting game, Cereal Killaz is a cool indie project to consider helping fund!

When it comes out, I’m totally gonna pick Sonnie 2 Shanks and 1v1 a Kellogg’s marketing exec. Winner picks the next Mashup!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: apple jacks, frosted flakes, kellogg's, news. Leave a comment

Feb. ’21

Review: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Krave Cereal

Here’s a little fun fact for all you Bible fans—something King James won’t tell you. The original forbidden fruit? Oh, it wasn’t an apple. Nope, wasn’t a grape, a fig, or even one of Eden’s finest snozzberries, either. It was just a big ol’ hunk of raw cookie dough, hanging off the tree.

So God was like, “Hey now, don’t eat those, you could get sick!” But the serpent goes, “C’moooon, salmonella occurs in fewer than 1 out of 20,000 eggs!” Long story short, God had to kick Adam and Eve out of the garden because they kept vomiting everywhere.

Harsh, maybe, but you ever smell a burning puke bush? Terrible for heavenly PR.

Since then, fear of cookie dough consequences has rarely stopped anyone from indulging in this original sin-full sweetness. In fact, this carnal compulsion is so deeply human that companies have innovated all kinds of ways to manufacture, safe, edible cookie dough. Including this newest entry into the Krave franchise of cereals: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Krave.

Now I love Krave (unlike many, I know), and I adore chocolate chip cookie dough, so my expectations for this cereal are higher than the maximum preheat temperature on my oven. Plus, this is the first explicitly chocolate chip cookie dough cereal—the underrated Keebler Cereal comes closest—but if anyone can pull it off, it would be the brilliant Kelloggian minds behind Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: chocolate, kellogg's, krave. 1 Comment

Feb. ’21

News: Trix Fruit Snacks for Easter

Silly rabbit, Trix Fruit Snacks are for….you know what, never mind. In the spirit of spring, I’ll do the warm thing and let you have some. After all, at 28 pouches for $5.98, there are enough of these already-debuted-at-Walmart fruit snacks to go around.

Trix Fruit Snacks come in several different shapes and flavors: Rabbit heads, eggs, grapes, lemons, limes, and most conspicuously, strawberries—the one fruit in this pouch o’ plenty that’s never appeared in Trix cereal. Just Trix Yogurt.

Like the Trix Rabbit, I’m interested to get my weirdly articulate man–bunny hand–paws on these fruit snacks. It seems like a no-brainer/hare-brainer for there to be an Easter-themed Trix product, so hopefully these are more like the delightfully gummy Scooby-Doo Fruit Snacks and Kellogg’s Fruit Snacks of the world, and less like those waxy store-brand fruit snacks.

You know, the ones that nestle themselves into your molars like fillings and require pneumatic mining tools to dislodge.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: easter, general mills, non cereal, trix. Leave a comment

Feb. ’21

Review: Sesame Street 1-2-3 Berry & C is for Cinnamon Cereals

Puppets? I hate puppets. They’re unnatural, uncanny facsimiles of reality that populate my personal hell alongside dolls and ventriloquist dummies—this is all your fault, R.L. Stine!

But Muppets? Okay, they’re cute and therefore get a pass. In fact, I like to think that every valiant Muppet is the sworn blood enemy of creepy puppets everywhere. Go ahead, try and find me a Muppet without forward-facing eyes. These felted folks are predators. Therefore, it is my gratitude toward the Muppets that’s inspired me to review Sesame Street’s two new cereals.

Or at least, that’s how I internally justify being a grown man writing about a breakfast product for young children.

These cereals, 1-2-3 Berry and C is for Cinnamon, are both on shelves now. But are they worth throwing on your Cookie Monster snapback and driving down your street for?

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: general mills, sesame street. 2 Comments

Feb. ’21

News: Shaq & Tony’s Frosted Flakes with Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs

Kazaam. “That’s How I Beat Shaq.” Shaq Fu. And my personal favorite: Soda Shaq. The list of Shaquille O’Neal’s off-the-wall escapades and cross-promotions nearly eclipses his countless on-the-court accomplishments. Between Shaq’s philanthropy and a genial personality as tall as he is, the guy’s just lovable—which is why, when I heard about Shaq’s new Frosted Flakes, my first thought was, “That’s awesome!”

Then my second thought was, “I have no idea who thought this needed to exist, but…it’s awesome!”

And it turns out this cereal, releasing in April, exists for a reason. The out-of-nowhere alley-oop between Shaq and Tony the Tiger will benefit Mission Tiger, which aims to help one million kids get better access to sports.

Beyond its wholesome aims and sugary flavor, Tony & Shaq’s team-up scores points for using the unprecedented phrase “Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs.” Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs. Gets funnier every time I say it.

If I’m nitpicking, I’ll say it’s a little disappointing that these cinnamon puffs didn’t get mixed in with Cinnamon Frosted Flakes for a spicy–sweet double feature. Nevertheless, I’m interested to see how these cinna-spheres spoon when they bounce onto shelves in a couple months.

Now please, universe: bring back Soda Shaq!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: frosted flakes, kellogg's. 1 Comment

Feb. ’21

News: Caramel Corn Pops

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Welp, another one to cross off the “how have they not done this yet?” list. Here’s hoping PB&J Reese’s Puffs, Fluffernutter Reese’s Puffs, and White Chocolate Reese’s Puffs are next.

I…I really like peanut butter combos.

Yes, Caramel Corn Pops seems like an incredibly obvious cereal idea. And yes, it has technically been done before. When Kellogg’s introduced their Jumbo Snax line of supersized snacking cereal pouches last year, there was a caramel-flavored Corn Pops variety—except they bafflingly used puffs (the shape of Canadian Corn Pops) instead of the chewy half-popped lumps we’re used to from the brand.

But now those glorious, squeaky gobs of toasted maize have been caramelized too. With its baseball aesthetic, we can probably surmise that Caramel Corn Pops will hit shelves near or before April 1, the MLB’s 2021 opening day.

Do I think they’ll be good? Hard to say, since Corn Pops has a very scant track record of flavored variants. Besides the Jumbo Snax, I’ve only ever reviewed Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops on this site. And they were only okay. If anything, caramel will probably be a more natural fit.

Now if we’re talking seasonally specific cereal themes, how might we go about getting those PB&J Reese’s Puffs by back-to-school season?

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: caramel, corn pops, kellogg's. 4 Comments

Feb. ’21

Review: Eggo Chocolate Waffle Cereal

French toast? One iconic cereal.

Pancakes? Like, half of one cereal.

But waffles? Well they’ve got a whole father, son, & holy ghost type deal going on. Not to mention whatever divine misfire spawned this unsettlingly charming abomination. Yes, waffles are king of the bowled maple breakfast game, probably because they’re a) the most iconic, b) easy to translate into aerated cereal form, and c) the word “waffle” is just infinitely more fun to say. Waffle. Waffle.

It’s like I’m a dog asking to be thrown a whiffle ball!

Since waffles are so (w)awfully awesome, it’s no surprise that we’re getting a third entry into the rebooted Eggo Cereal franchise. Joining Homestyle Maple and Blueberry, Eggo Chocolate Waffle Cereal seems a bit strange when compared to the obvious Chocolate Chip Waffle Cereal they could’ve done, though I suppose I shouldn’t complain that we’re getting 100% chocolate immersion with this one. Or should ? That remains to be seen, tasted, and casually belched as I pat my soon-to-be cereal-swollen stomach.

Enough talk. L’Eggo! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: chocolate, eggo, kellogg's, maple, waffle. Leave a comment

Feb. ’21

Review: Pokémon Berry Bolt Cereal

The only thing more legendary than Pokémon video games has gotta be Pokémon foodstuffs. As a collection-based ’90s series that turns kids crazed, it’s no surprise that the popping technicolor likes of Pokémon Pop-Tarts and Eggo Waffles were manufactured in droves—and it’s even less surprising that these nifty little snacks had huge nostalgic impacts. In fact, my own personal obscure favorites when growing up were the Pokémon lollipops my mom would buy me at the pharmacy, each of which came with a sticker.

Also among these licensed gems was the unforgettable Pokémon Cereal. With a solid Lucky Charms imitation as its base, Bowl Pal toys inside and the kind of glimmering box embossment that blows holographic Charizard out of the magma, Pokémon Cereal is a sentimental favorite of countless ’90s kids. And lest we forget the adorable pastel marshmallows—artist Tomodachi makes pins of them and I’ll take every opportunity to promote them.

In short, Pokémon Cereal (and by extension the newly marshmallowed Pokémon: The Movie 2000 Cereal) is a hard act to reboot, since the Pokémania of its Y2K heyday will never be matched. That’s probably why it’s taken two decades and a different brand licensee to get another cereal based on Pokémon. This one’s called Berry Bolt Pokémon Cereal, and while I think the box art is seriously lacking in both embossment and Poké-species diversity, I’m here to, without bias, choo-chew-choose you, Pikachu, to do battle in my bowl. Let’s go! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: general mills, pokemon. 5 Comments