30

Mar. ’21

Review: Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies Cereal

New Little Debbies Cosmic Brownies Cereal Review Box

Today I learned, thanks to the fun factoids on the back of my this cereal box, that Cosmic Brownies were named after the cosmic bowling fad—and not, in fact, after the deadly sprinkled Fudgenaut asteroid that killed the dinosaurs (they’re like dogs and can’t have chocolate).

Well, while my world has been turned upside-down like ten struck pins, I can at least sooth my addled mind with a bowl of Cosmic Brownies Cereal. Though this sequel to Oatmeal Cream Pies Cereal isn’t fully hitting stores until May, I was lucky enough to get an early sample, so I can advise you whether to buy it, or whether to just cram a real Cosmic Brownie into your Slap Chop. Continue reading →

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29

Mar. ’21

Bite-Sized Reviews: Kellogg’s Smorz & Cinnabon Jumbo Snax

New Kellogg's Smorz & Cinnabon Jumbo Snax

I’ve got a lot of stuff in my pantry, and with the whirlwind that is my life lately, I can’t get around to giving everything 600 words’ worth of reviewing. So for these two new Jumbo Snax varieties, I figured I’d just tweet out my fast & furious thoughts. After all, the amount of time it takes to read a tweet is about how long it takes to finish a Jumbo Snax pouch.

 

 

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28

Mar. ’21

News: Apple Cinnamon Chex

New Apple Cinnamon Chex Cereal Box

And the hits keep coming! From Lucky Charms Clusters to a whole cluster of new Pop-Tarts, it’s been a big week for breakfast news—almost entirely because Midwest grocer Meijer put up early website listings for them. While I’m not sure how the big cereal execs feel about these leaks, I’m certainly not complaining: saves me from having to get seedy back-alley snack news from the same guy who told me Doritos would be releasing pentagram-shaped Diablitos.

The latest new cereal find is Apple Cinnamon Chex. I won’t say this is the most exciting news—between Apple Jacks and Cheerios, the apples & cinnamon game is pretty well covered—but since Honey Bunches of Oats discontinued their superb A&C edition to replace it with the also-solid Apple Caramel Crunch, I suppose there’s room in the cereal aisle for Chex to make a go at it, too.

My main gripe is that General Mills chose a Rice Chex base for this. It worked alright in Blueberry Chex, but rice is just such a light and flavorless base that it was a real pleasant surprise to try deeply toasted Peanut Butter (Corn) Chex. It may sound odd for me to endorse corn-based cereals, since I tend to denounce them in every other article, but until the day GM drops an Oat Chex, I’ll keep rallying for the richer of two base grains.

Either way, Apple Cinnamon Chex should be releasing within the next couple months.

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27

Mar. ’21

News: JoJo Siwa Strawberry Bop Cereal

Jojo Siwa Strawberry Bop Cereal

ゴゴゴゴ Nani?? ゴゴゴゴ

Wait, wait: wrong JoJo. I tend to do that a lot, especially since I’ve always wanted a JoJo’s Bizarre Cereal with crunchy cherry arrowheads. But no, a different fruit is at play in this cereal collab with youngsters’ favorite singer/dancer/internet personality/marketing force to be reckoned with. I’ll admit I know precious little about JoJo Siwa—you think there’s room between the cereal factoids in my pantry-sized brain for such knowledge?—so I’m not all that excited for her Strawberry Bop cereal.

After all, the last licensed General Mills cereal to feature strawberry, Shopkins Cutie O’s, was so aromatically potent it could down passing aircraft. If this were Kellogg’s, on the other hand, I’d have a little more hope, since their strawberry Disney Princess Cereal was above average and made use of a better-than-corn multigrain base.

Oh well: if nothing else, the fact that this is a Nickelodeon branded box may mean we could finally get a new Garfield Cereal someday. It just better be made with spherical lasagna noodles.

 

 

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26

Mar. ’21

News: Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters

 

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We’re saved!

Wait, on closer inspection: we’ve been duped! Bamboozled! Positively smeckledorfed!

Let me explain. This saga started in June of 2019, when Kellogg’s inexplicably and abominably reformulated Rice Krispies Treats Cereal, making it a shallow shell of what it was born to be. Gone are the sticky, marshmallowy toasted rice clusters, replaced with plain ol’ Frosted Krispies and a smattering of marbits. Embarrassing? Yes. But irredeemable? Also yes, but that’s been the case since they changed from the iconic teal box to a purple one.

For a moment, it seemed like the crisis has been averted by General Mills and Lucky Charms, because early, grainy box art of a Lucky Charms with Crispy Rice Clusters appeared. But just when we needed him most, Lucky and his Clusters vanished—and the concepted cereal was presumed extinct for two years.

Until, of course, the above box appeared on Meijer’s website. Perhaps GM just needed the extra two years to make this stuff great, right? After all, both Dunkin’ Caramel Macchiato and Honey Maid Cinnamon Graham Cereal had similar origin hiatuses, and they ended up tasting awesome. Well, now I’m not so sure.

You may notice that these Lucky Charms with Marshmallow Clusters are still a corn-based cereal, like just about every forsaken LC variant that isn’t the oat-laden original. Why it took General Mills two years to change their Rice Krispies Treat-alike into another, Monster Cereal-esque corny trick, I don’t know. I just know that, in these few months leading up to Lucky Charms with Marshmallow Clusters’ release, I will be treating it with apprehension.

I’ve just…been betrayed too many times before.

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23

Mar. ’21

News: Lemon Creme Pie, Tropical Mango, Peach Cobbler, & Banana Creme Pie Pop-Tarts!

New Lemon Creme Pie, Tropical Mango, and Peach Cobbler Pop-Tarts

(Updated after the fact to include Banana Creme Pie)

You know what they say: good things come in threes. And pouches of two. Within boxes of eight.

No matter the quantity, this is some quality news for fans of fruity Pop-Tarts. I’ve discussed before how if you like Pop-Tarts, you’re probably in one of three camps: a Fruity Freak, a Chocoholic, or a Brown Sugar Cinnamon Purist. And for that first camp, this unexpected trio is sure to make you, well, a happy camper.

Between Lemon Creme Pie Pop-Tarts, Tropical Mango Pop-Tarts, and Peach Cobbler, only lemon and mango have appeared in Kellogg’s toaster pastried form before—in fact, Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts are returning to shelves as we speak/drool, so I wonder what will be different about Lemon Creme Pie. Regardless, the stand-out flavor here is Peach Cobbler, marking a bold foray into the Pop-Tart world for everyone’s favorite butt-shaped fruit.

These flavors can already be found on grocer Meijer’s website, though it will likely be a few weeks before they start hitting shelves. Which of the three has got your mouth watering like a juiced melon?

New Banana Creme Pie Pop-Tarts Box

After I posted this, Kellogg’s also announced Banana Creme Pie Pop-Tarts, which will be store exclusives. No word on which store yet, but since these are 16-packs, it’s probably safe to assume Walmart.

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22

Mar. ’21

Review: Wonderworks Keto Friendly Cereal (3 Flavors!)

New Wonderworks Keto Cereal Review Boxes

Obligatory disclaimer: I don’t eat a keto diet, so my palate is not hard-wired to seek out cereals like General Mills’ new Wonderworks trilogy. However, since it’s a new release from a big cereal manufacturer, I likewise feel obligated to give it a try. So while Wonderworks is in a totally different flav-o-sphere than the likes of Reese’s Puffs or Cocoa Puffs, I hope to at least give you an idea of which flavor is most worth a try.

Because, let’s make this clear, one of these three flavors is way better than the others. Continue reading →

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20

Mar. ’21

News: Froot Loops Gummies

New Froot Loops Gummies

Move over, Venus de Milo, there’s a new disarmingly charming gummy in town.

These Froot Loops Gummies from the artisan gummy sculptors at Galerie Candy appeal directly to my pectin-pumping heart. I’ve always loved gummy candy, from gummy worms and blue sharks to Sour Patch Kids, Krabby Patties, and 3-ft gummy boa constrictors. Everything but Swedish Fish, which wow me about as much as those flimsy red fortune-telling fish. Plus why settle for Swedish Fish when you have sour octopi?

Speaking of sour, I hope these Froot Loops Gummies have at least a little bit of tang. Some preliminary tasters seem to suggest so:

 

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Regardless of their pucker power, Froot Loops Gummies are bound to be tasty if they’re accurate to their namesake. They’re coming out this Halloween season, but you can literally sign up for Froot Loops Gummies notifications through Galerie Candy if you’re truly loopy for these sweet, sweet chews and don’t want to wait a day too long. Through that link, you’ll also see this incredibly simple but no less convincing description for the Gummies:

These bags of Froot Loops Gummies come in two sizes and taste exactly like Froot Loops in gummy form. This new item is delicious and fun and we can’t wait for you to try!

Delicious and fun? Well, that’s all I needed to hear! Time to refresh my email for seven months straight.

 

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