Oh boy am I glad this is just a blog, and I don’t have to say the names of any of these cereals out loud.

Wait a minute, I have a podcast. A family friendly podcast.

Aw, [dolphin noises].

Anyway, it seems like I’ve been sleeping on the Cereal Killer Cafe for a long time—not surprising, considering how they’re like, 5 timezones ahead of me. But I also knew them as the Brits with the most famous cereal cafe of all time. Cereal cafes aren’t all that rare in America, but since you can just buy all the same cereals at your local grocery store, the concept is much more of a novelty overseas, where American cereals are comparatively exotic and exuberantly sweet. Add in Cereal Killer Cafe’s immersive branding, and you had a hit on your spoon-gripping hands.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize the cafe itself had sadly closed just a few months into the pandemic. Thankfully, the brand has been able to endure as an online storefront for UK cereal fans to mail-order American cereals at reasonable prices. And now, in addition to everything from Golden Grahams to Crunch Berries, Cereal Killer shoppers can also support the brand’s original line of “Treat” cereals under their “Killer Cereals” label.

Essentially, these appear to be little diced up bits of Krispies Treat-style delicacies, with flavors spanning Birthday Cake, Peanut Butter, and Cookies & Cream. This is a great idea, given how the actual Rice Krispies Treats Cereal has long since abandoned its original purpose/any reason for a palatable existence. The only issue is that, at least for now, you can only purchase these Killer Cereals if you live in the UK—however, I hope that by advertising just how AMAZING, APPETIZING, and EXCEPTIONALLY INNOVATIVE these DELIGHTFUL cereals look, maybe I’ll win the hearts of the Cereal Killers to the point of earning free samples. Maybe. 

And while the core trio of Killer Cereals are dropping this month, the folks behind them have already teased an officially licensed SCREAM version coming next January, to tie in with the new movie. Cleverly titled STRAWBERRIES & SCREAM, this stuff looks like it would crackle in milk louder than a carbonated THX sound.

So while I may never try any of these cereals, I must applaud CKC for making their own indie cereals—I love cereal startups and hope the reception to these is, well, killer.