Ugh, typical: another job lost to automation.

Well at least, “AI-generated cereal mixology” is the only rational explanation I can think of for Post’s new Pebbles Shake Ups! cereal pouches and the nonsensical menagerie of cereal pieces contained therein. First off, you’ve got Birthday Cake Pebbles Boulders, which is an edible enigma in its own right. Not only did I never expect Pebbles to dust off the spherical, ten-year-old Pebbles Boulders sub-brand, but they decided to create a new Boulders flavor just to use in these Shake Ups! Pebbles Boulders proper were only ever released in Caramel Apple and Chocolate Peanut Butter varieties, so Birthday Cake Pebbles Boulders are a new cereal released within a new cereal mix—that is, unless you assume these Boulders are just rebranded Birthday Cake Timbits Cereal pieces (which they totally are).

Rounding out this odd ensemble are Waffle Crisp squares and “Salted Pretzel Bits.” Don’t get me wrong, I love Waffle Crisp, and actual salty pretzel sound interesting, but a taste trilogy of birthday cake, maple, and salted pretzel seems just a little too random to rev my engine.

The Cocoa Pebbles version, spotted here alongside the first variety by Libby at Schnucks Market (in large single resealable pouches, to boot), is a bit less unhinged—so, more hinged? It combines Cocoa Pebbles Boulders—which are much more likely to just be rebranded Chocolate Glazed Timbits Cereal rather than the actual chocolate Boulders from the PB version—with Chocolate Honeycomb pieces and marbits. While there is good cohesion here, I simply can’t imagine this being too interesting—doubling down on chocolate instead of introducing something peanut buttery is a risky, most-likely redundant choice.

Either way, if cake, waffles, and pretzels can all find their way into a cereal mix, then I guess that means the floodgates are wide open for any off-the-wall idea imaginable. Heck, why not just crumble up some Fruity Crisp Oreos, get a bunch of every flavor of Honey Bunches of Oats, and a scoop of freeze-dried Grape Nuts ice cream while they’re at it?