“Hey Patrick, what am I now?”

“Uhh…cheap & uninspired?”

“No, I’m Kellogg’s!”

“What’s the difference?!”

Look, I’m ready for a new SpongeBob Cereal as much as the next square, but this? For a sponge that’s already been put through the wringer by staffing changes and ongoing Flanderization, Robert and his late-’90s childhood-defining reputation deserve better.

See, Kellogg’s “new” SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal, launching to promote this May’s Sponge on the Run, is a lazily deceptive union of existing Kellogg’s releases. The dreadfully bland vanilla pieces will be familiar to anyone who’s tried Kellogg’s last dump of cinematic cereals. Granted, these squares are a bit denser and have a more multigrained appeal than other cheap corn puffs, but it’s a bit unforgivable that Sponge on the Run Cereal recycles the same marbits seen way back in 2003’s SpongeBob Cereal—without the unique Jellyfish shaped pieces!

At least General Mills’ chintzy Bikini Bottom cash grab fruit-flavored its Sponge & Pat-shaped swill:

So now, instead of dignifying this DoodleBob of a cereal with any more words—oh, there are also Rice Krispies Treats that taste the same but with SB on the packaging—I will instead list Sponge-worthy flavors Kellogg’s could’ve explored:

Kelp, Glove, Sandwich Made with Jellyfish Jelly, Fried Oyster Skin, Seanut Brittle, Bobby Sauce, or of course, Triple Gooberberry Sunrise. Heck, I’d even take a Nasty Patty Cereal at this point.