You know, I’m really starting to think this Sponged Robert character might take off. I mean look at him: he’s the epitome of glee, teaches kids basic geometry, and I’ve never even seen him do a Fortnite dance yet!

Maybe he belongs beside Mario at the virtual Olympics.

All Fry Cook Games aside, Nickelodeon & Kellogg’s licensed push for SpongeBob’s upcoming Sponge on the Run movie is continuing its run of admittedly uninspired breakfast tie-ins with these Sea Berry Pop-Tarts, already listed on Walmart.com.

Now, if I were to imagine what a Sea Berry would taste like, I’d likely first get it confused with a Sea Bear. But once I’d’ve drawn my protective circle, I’d probably guess something appropriately tropical like Goji or Açai. Then, maybe, if someone came and blew an especially ticklish one into my stomach, I’d guess raspberry.

This is disappointing for two reasons. One, I’m not even the biggest raspberry fan, let alone a geek for Raspberry Pop-Tarts, nor have I ever met anyone who would pick Rasp-Tarts over Wild Berry, Strawberry or even Cherry.

But more importantly, this taxonomical classification of Sea Berries seem to suggest that they’re in the same family as Spider Berries, which calls to mind unwelcome images of arachnids crawling forth from absorbent pores. Sea-riously: couldn’t Kellogg’s have treated us to, oh I don’t know, a Pineapple Pop-Tart for a change?

At the very least, this better mean we get a crossover event on par with Spider-Man saving Cap’n Crunch.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B99wHksBhYn/

In more welcome new Pop-Tarts news, thanks to Candy Hunting we now know that Chocolatey Churro Pop-Tarts will be arriving hot on Spongey’s squeaky boot heels.

Cinnamon & chocolate as a combo seems to be having a resurgence lately, either due to consumer demand for something new and sweetly spiced, or because breakfast makers have run out of other ways to mix & match the base flavors they always keep on hand.

Either way, I anticipate Chocolatey Churros will bring together the best of both Pretzel Pop-Tarts together, sans salt—so long as we can keep SpongeBob from gushing sea spiders all over them.