If you showed the above image to a young me, two decades ago, I would rocket out of the Garfield library book (you know the ones) I had my nose buried lasagna-deep in and call dibs on playing as the Wheat Chex Warrior.
Yes, this has been an extradimensionally surreal week for me and millio—err, thousands…well, maybe just dozens of diehard Chex Quest fans like me. At the ripe, but far from stale, age of 24, the Chex Quest franchise has a bizarre history that spans imagination and risked litigation. If you aren’t familiar with the origin story that’s brought us to this post, I highly recommend reading my previous two articles on the game: a full history of the original trilogy, and a teaser-debuting interview with Charles Jacobi, who art directed the original Chex Quest, lovingly made Chex Quest 3, and is now helming Chex Quest HD production.
But in short, here’s a bullet-pointed breakdown:
⦾ In 1996, General Mills contracted Digital Café to produce a CD-ROM computer game to package in boxes of Chex Cereal.
⦾ The result? A total, kid-friendly conversion of DOOM, in which Fred Chexter—a.k.a. Chex Warrior—saves the International Federation of Cereals from a Flemoid invasion using Zorchers, devices that send the snotty creatures back to their home dimension.
⦾ The game was such a hit that an immediate followup, Chex Quest 2: Attack on Chex City, was made available as a free online download.
⦾ General Mills dropped official support for the franchise after this, leading die-hard Questers to take the game’s easily modded IP into their own hands, pulling themselves up by their Bootsporks to flesh out a phlegmy extended universe to rival Star Wars. This included many fan games, as well as multiplayer arena shooters.
⦾ In 2008, Jacobi released Chex Quest 3 as a love letter to fans, without any support from General Mills.
⦾ In 2016, Jacobi revealed that he was working on an also unofficial HD remake of the original Chex Quest.
⦾ Last year, General Mills saw the cult appeal of Chex Quest and officially endorsed Chex Quest HD, with a mini-documentary (that has since been deleted?) and new art.
Enter 2020: the quiet production of Chex Quest HD has exploded into a media spectacle. Not only is the game releasing this summer, but it will be free-to-play on Steam, with split-screen multiplayer and six playable characters from the “Chex Mix Squadron,” an elite corps of Chex Warriors and salty military sentinels.
Can't get enough of Chex Quest? Us neither. We've made a special Chex Warrior Edition of Chex Quest for PC, featuring enamel pins, a t-shirt, a FULL SCALE ZORCHER REPLICA (!), and more… available during a 4-week pre-order starting April 17 at 10am ET on https://t.co/5Lksol4sqo. pic.twitter.com/FFHCb4SnYR
— Limited Run Games (@LimitedRunGames) April 14, 2020
Not only that, but General Mills has partnered with Limited Run Games to release a physical bundle more elaborate than even the high-IQ Flembrane could dream up. At $149.99, this one will surely drain your wallet’s nutrients, but the spoils are no-doubt tantalizing, with a shirt, pins, a statue, and a full-sized Zorcher replica I could use for a giant-painted-cardboard-box cosplay ahhhh I need it!
If you see me eating nothing but store-brand Corny Cross-Hatches for the next five years, you’ll know why.
Get the funkiest, freshest breakfast beats for your record player… we're stoked to be publishing Chex Quest's soundtrack on vinyl! Pre-orders open April 17 at 10am ET on https://t.co/5Lksol4sqo. pic.twitter.com/oIpfcUrsUR
— Limited Run Games (@LimitedRunGames) April 14, 2020
Likewise, the game’s groovin’ soundtrack will be coming to vinyl, though a slime-encrusted cassette would probably feel more true to the era.
Overall, I’m hesitantly thrilled about this virtually exhaustive validation of the game that first planted this blog’s cognitive seed in my developing brain. Of course, I’m geeked that the game will be able to reach not only those who forgot about it, but a new generation of Zorch wielders, too.
But at the same time, there was something magical about the loving DIY community that formed around the Chex Quest universe after General Mills warped away from it. In a world of excessively and often inauthentically branded entertainment, having this sort of pirate property that divested itself from its corporate overlords in the name of giddy creativity felt like an inspiring moment for seizing the means of promotion. Plus, if General Mills really cared about Chex Quest, why did it take them 24 years of ignoring fans and playing dumb about the game’s existence to suddenly throw their weight behind it again?
I know, I know, I’m complaining too much. Ultimately, I’m excited to dive into the game and inevitably make fanart of Ms. Wheat Chex over here. Plus, who knows? Maybe next year, General Mills will ditch Chex Quest again like a reanimated corn husk and raise Millsberry from the dreck of virtual breakfasts past instead.
And then, my friends, the fate of Bazoik will be ours to dream again.