Wow, three whole Special K flavors? Hitting stores this January? What a tr—hey, you: wake up! I get it, new Special K news doesn’t exactly wow me, either, but that’s not excuse to fall asleep in the back of class. This will be on the test, you know.

And hey, new Special K cereals aren’t always (entirely) boring. I mean, c’mon, there was that okay chocolate-dipped one last year, the genuinely tasty blueberry lemon yogurt one five years ago, and the cinnamon apple one from…aw, geez. Seven years ago? Fine, I agree: three above average new cereals over the entire tenure of this blog isn’t exactly a storied legacy, but at least the first of this incoming Special K trifecta looks promising. High Protein Chocolate Almond sounds decadent, and since “high protein” usually correlates to “high calorie” in the breakfast aisle, we can at least trust this one to be sweet and filling enough to be worth the effort it takes to chew its densely grained nuttiness.

I bet this Oat Crunch Honey Special K will be alright, too. It’s clearly trying to siphon off the success and incomparable goodness of Cheerios Oat Crunch, and it probably won’t hold a beeswaxed candle to the similarly formulated Honey Bunches of Oats, but I bet it’ll still be…umm…hey, got any more room in that desk chair for a second snoozer?

And finally, if there’s one Special K out of these three that really earns its name, it’s this Cinnamon Special K ZERO—because it has precisely ZERO chance of being any good. It’s a keto friendly, no-sugar-added cereal, meaning it’ll likely be bland, horrible, and poorly textured. Keto zealots can argue with me all they want (and they doubtlessly will), but there’s never been a good keto-friendly cereal that proudly boasts about it, and for my money (which I’d rather spend on an amply carbohydrated cereal) there never will be.

But hey, if you made it this far, I don’t want to end this post on doom and gloom, so check out these cool Froot Loops-scented crayons that are coming to Five Below! I’ll bet they taste better than Cinnamon Special K ZERO ;-).