The year is 2066.

The Great Nut Pronunciation Civil War is in its darkest hour. The armies of “pih-cahn” are closing in on the forces of “pee-can.” There was once a small tribe of heretics who insisted it was “pee-khan,” but they were quickly laughed off the battlefield.

Both sides have been assaulted, both have been “a salted,” and the wise delegate Mr. Peanut refuses to mediate. But there is one things both camps can agree on.

Maple syrup glazed pecans taste really, really freaking good.

That being said, would Sweet House Farm’s Maple Pecan Granola be tasty enough to make peace between these fighters? To save our future world from being split in two like peanuts from their shell, I decided to find out.

Diving right into the nutty-gritty, these granola clusters have a very pleasant texture. Not so chewy that they’ll stick in your teeth, yet not so crunchy that they’ll chip a bicuspid: this granola has the charming crumble of a crisp, baked oat cookie.

Flavor-wise, this granola is a mixed bag (even though it comes in a carton). Every cluster appears to have been cooked to a different degree of toastiness, so each one becomes a unique oat snowflake.

Some taste like plain ol’ bland oats. Some taste like golden toasted oats with a healthy dose of brown sugar sweetness. And some have the deep, baked-in goodness of genuine dark amber maple syrup (these are the best ones, of course).

Likewise, the pecan bits vary in taste. There are bland, mealy pecans; there are pecans flowing with saltiness; and there are pecans with a hearty, earthy, burst of raw nuttiness. The important thing to note here, though, is that unlike most breakfast products that advertise mixed-in nuts, there are actually enough pecans here that you won’t have to go elbow-deep into the carton to find them. I’ve lost too many wristwatches doing that.

Milk makes things even more cookie-like, and the diversity of flavors blend together a bit better, but adding milk isn’t as pivotal as it is with some other granolas.

Overall, this Maple Pecan Granola tastes like solidified chunks of Quaker Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal, and I mean that in a good way (unlike most times I use the phrase “solidified chunks”). I’d love to mix some of these clusters into a bowl of Waffle Crisp or French Toast Crunch and let the artificial and authentic flavors duke it out for the title of “Most-Excellent Maple Master of my Mouth.”

It’s one of the tastier granolas I’ve had, even though it isn’t the most consistent in terms of flavor. But hey, that’s life, right? Some people are nutty, some people get salty, some people are boring…

…and some people are always inexplicably coated in sticky maple syrup.

The Bowl: Sweet Home Farm Maple Pecan Granola

The Breakdown: The oat clusters and pecan bits alike vary in terms of tastiness, but this isn’t necessarily all that bad. To paraphrase Forrest Gump: “Life’s like a bowl of Maple Pecan Granola. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

The Bottom Line: 8.5 laughable “pee-khan” pronouncers out of 10

***Note: this granola was one of several samples sent to me by Attune Foods. I’d recommend checking Walmart, Whole Foods, or online if you want to find your own.***