You can’t convince me otherwise: Superman ice cream, like its namesake hero, is an anomalous alien life form that’s managed to assimilate into Midwestern American life. From taste to aesthetics, the stuff is just so weird, yet so good, and its flavor defies conventional description like any number of SCPs or extraterrestrial pocket dimensions.

Superman ice cream is a tantalizing tryst between ice cream flavors cherry, lemon, and blue moon—itself an oddity whose implacable taste has been described as everything from marshmallows and vanilla almonds to Lucky Charms and Froot Loops. Quintessentially a “Michigan thing” by origin, Superman ice cream’s popularity has spread across the midwest, including Cincinnati, OH: birthplace of Kroger grocery stores.

Of all the infinite flavor forms a store-brand Oreo could take, Superman ice cream has gotta be one of the most obscure—but even before tasting these, I’m so glad Kroger went there. And I’m also glad they went with a name as palatable as “Kaleidos,” rather than following the dark path of, *shudder*, “Creme Betweens.”

First things first, these sandwich cookies are gorgeous. Sure, they’re artificially colored enough to dye your mouth an esoteric shade of indigo faster than any Splatoon team could, but they’re also pretty enough to make me want to use them with a jumbo-sized Connect Four set.

And the taste? In a word, super. Super good, that is: seriously, I have no qualms about fast-tracking Super Kaleidos onto my Best of 2021 list.

I won’t say they taste exactly like Superman ice cream, but there’s still a lot of facsimiled fun to be had. And it starts with the cookies themselves. See, you might expect these to be straightforward knockoffs of Oreo’s own Fruity Crisp cookies—which, to be fair, were also awesome—but Kaleido cookies have a lot more in common with Barnum’s Animal Crackers than Oreo cookies. They’re dense and vanilla-buttery, with a graham-like finish that’s really delectable.

This zoophoric animal cracker base then provides a delightful springboard for the cream filling to jump off. Rather than the straightforward Fruity Pebblian mimicry of Oreo’s take, Kroger’s Super Kaleidos feature an interesting blend of tropically fruited Pebbles, citrusy Trix, and an almost Kool-Aid-esque cherry aftertaste. Through this process of adjacent flavor addition, we basically have all the same components as Superman ice cream, albeit in a more lemon-forward way.

But however you do the math, these Super Kaleidos are a PEMDAS (Perfectly Enjoyable Munch for Dan’s Affinity toward Super-foods) success story. And yes: they’re a slam-dunk in milk, too.

The only real criticism I’d levy against Super Kaleidos is the infernal packaging. In a world where the ingenious peel ‘n’ seal top rightfully dominates the cookie aisle, Kroger has put these superstars in a frustrating plastic tray you have to slide out from the side. But like toothpaste outside the tube, it’s borderline impossible to hamfist the tray back into the package without summoning the kind of obnoxious crinkling plastic symphony that would leave even those grocery store bakery cake containers flushed with secondhand embarrassment..

But even though these cookies’ packaging will foil any late-night snacking heists you may plan, if you have a Kroger in your area, do yourself a favor and pick up some Super Kaleidos anyway. For midwest ice cream fans especially, they’re a nostalgia trip that’s worth it for the presentation alone. Because after all, if you somehow don’t end up liking how Super Kaleidos taste, you could always nail ’em to your wall in a tasteful mosaic.

Or, y’now, just use ’em like oil pastels and paint the town iridescent.

The Bowl: Kroger Super Kaleidos Cookies

The Breakdown: Existing at a captivating intersection of animal crackers, citrus, cherry, and a Carmen Miranda hat’s worth of other assorted fake fruits, these Faux-reos are joyful novelty incarnate.

The Bottom Line: 9.5 CERN Large Hadron Kaleidos out of 10