Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts are symbolic of a centuries-old conflict.

See, in the battle for holiday cookie supremacy, gingerbread men and snickerdoodles are the obvious competitors. But as those two vie for kitchen counter dominance—as gingerbread men tragically lose their limbs and as the ‘doodles stop snickering—sugar cookies look on from afar, calm and Buddha-like.

Sugar cookies rarely get media spotlight—after all, they’re not shaped like adorable people or flecked with glittering cinnamon sugar. But sugar cookies are still annual staples for a good reason: they’re reliably delicious, and few would ever dare to debate that, lest they evoke the collective rage of a billion treat-baking grandmas.

This universal appeal is probably what made the late Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch (goodnight, sweet cereal prince) so widely beloved, and it’s what brings “Printed Fun” Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts back to shelves year after year.

“Printed Fun” refers to the colorful holiday scenes frosted onto every Pop-Tart’s crusted canvas. These scenes are intricately detailed and absolutely gorgeous in a bizarrely postmodern way. It’s a shame I have to eat them, because I’d rather turn my pastries into a collection of stale trading cards.

I’d show them off when people visit my home and then obliviously wonder why I don’t get many visitors any more.

A lot of Pop-Tarts are inspired by popular treats: we’ve had Ice Cream Sandwich Pop-Tarts, Strawberry Cheese Danish Pop-Tarts, and the obvious S’Mores Pop-Tarts, just to name a few. But for my money, no Pop-Tart does a better job of mimicking its flavor muse than Sugar Cookie. Pop-Tart crust has always tasted cookie-like, and this crust is no different: it strikes a divine textural balance between doughy grit and buttered cream, crumbling in your mouth with golden browned and sweetened flour goodness.

But even though it’s good, this is still the same ol’ crust you nibbled on ∞ years ago during your abstract cosmic childhood. The real game-changer in Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts is the delightfully doughy filling. It’s custard-colored, and it kind of tastes like it, too. The flavor is primarily butter and sugar, but there’s a definite (and definitely delicious) eggy aftertaste that has me Googling “salmonella Pop-Tarts?” just to be safe.

Speaking of which, where are our Eggnog Pop-Tarts, Kellogg’s? Or our Eggo Waffle Pop-Tarts, for that matter?

Things get a lot gooier when you pop Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts in the toaster. The scent of fresh0baked cookies wafts throughout the room, as if someone sprayed concentrated eau de Grandma’s house everywhere. The resulting toasted Tart becomes a bursting rectangle of white and beige, oozing magmatic sugar cookie dough like the world’s merriest volcano.

Toasting has a magical effect on Sugar Cookie Pop-Tart crust: the runny icing—complete with grotesquely melted cartoon animals—absorbs into the crunchy crust, producing a vanilla sugar-infused, golden browned pastry that’s tasty enough to warm Krampus’s heart.

However, the dough filling suffers from toasting. It loses its eggy nuances and just becomes a cloying sugar mush. Oh well: maybe I can just scoop all the filling out and spread it on tomorrow morning’s toast.

I’m gonna go right out and say it: freezing Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts is the best way to eat them. Anyone who has ever indulgently noshed on Tollhouse cookie dough straight out of the fridge knows that chilled dough has a superior texture and mouthwatering flavor. That effect is vividly reproduced when Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts slumber in the freezer for a couple hours.

So please: try frozen Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts. In fact, just crank the A/C in the car after you buy these Pop-Tarts, stick the whole box in the freezer when you get home, and never look back.

Despite their disappointing toaster underperformance, Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts are happily festive Limited Edition Pop-Tarts that stay true to their source material. Eating them just makes me miss Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch even more.

Maybe I can just dice my pastries into little squares, add milk, close my eyes, and pretend.

The “Bowl:” Kellogg’s Frosted Sugar Cookie Printed Fun Pop-Tarts

The Breakdown: Fun prints and an iconic flavor make me say “dough yeah” to these Pop-Tarts, even though they, ironically, can’t bake like real cookies.

The Bottom Line: 8.5 breakfasts with Krampus out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 200 calories, less than 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein per 1 pastry serving)

***Check out two more Sugar Cookie Pop-Tart reviews from our friends at Junk Banter and The Impulsive Buy!***