Photo via Candy Hunting

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the phrase “jumping the shark” by this point. You know, major turning points in the absurdity of any given property over time. The final season of Scrubs. The 3D television. The Renaissance. Many such cases.

And it seems even breakfast products in the best couple years have been iteratively cranking the the dubious complexity dial on their flavoring up to 100(g of sugar or degrees of abstraction). For cereal, this was less of a shark jumping than a sour patching, as this year’s gut-warpingly weird Sour Patch Kids Cereal eroded a hole in the proverbial stomach lining of possibility, allowing and normalizing the entrance of other cereal mutations—for better or worse.

Pop-Tarts, on the other hand, seemed to go off the deep end—right into the uncanny crumb catcher—earlier, with Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts heralding many other largely gimmicky Tarts.

Thankfully, Pop-Tarts’ latest conceptual sneak peeks are far more domesticated in their wildness than their second latest—I was worried we’d too-quickly evolve from Scanning our Tarts to Embedding Our Holo-Tarts With Genetic Seasoning (for the last Valentine’s Day before the Pastry Singularity.

Shown this week at the National Association of Convenience Stores trade show—and shared online by Candy Hunting—with plans to hit stores by the end of 2019, we first have two flavors of Pretzel Pop-Tart. Just as M&M’s reinvented themselves with pretzels and uncomfortable commercials, or just as every fast food chain loves slapping the classics on arid pretzel plateaus, we’ll now be getting both Chocolate and Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts inside sweet & salty pastry shells. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a salted Pop-Tart, but actual revolutions in P-T crust technology are so rare, I can’t help but be geeked for this.

But should I grab the milk, or the honey mustard?

The second revelation is a bit more of a no-brainer, or at least a bird-brainer.

In a blessed union that should’ve happened years ago, Kellogg’s is bringing cereal and Pop-Tarts together in Froot Loops Pop-Tarts. I feel like just looking at this box makes me taste it in my own aural aviary, as the unmistakable flavor of Froot Loops has historically left an immutable imprint on all the specialty items it’s made a part of.

The presumed print on these Tarts is remarkably high def, too, making me hope that the only thing stopping Kellogg’s from doin this with all their cereals is trying to get the Raisin Bran sun to hold one without incinerating it.

Speaking of which, how come Toucan Sam has feathered hands again? Wasn’t the point of the horrifyingly articulate man-fingers so he could be more dextrous? Or was this just a Sonic the Hedgehog style anatomical do-over?