Uh, yes, General Mills customer service hotline? Yes, I’d like to file a serious complaint of the geometrically misleading nature.

See, your popular breakfast cereal product “Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” with its cinnamon-swirled, famously see-able taste, frequently tells me in its commercials—featuring cannibalistic cereal creatures who send a bad message about disrupting the food chain, but that’s a different phone call—to “Crave those Crazy Squares.”

Yet, the cereal’s newest crossover product, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toaster Strudel, lacks the proper equilateral dimensions to qualify as a square. At best, they’re rectangular prisms, but even that forces me to uncomfortably suspend my knowledge of high school mathematics in order to enjoy this product.

Not that this is the first time you’ve spurned Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s signature shape, but after this egregious misstep, I must request that you atone for your mistake by changing the trademarked slogan to either “Reach toward those Rascally Rectangles” or “Quest for those Quirky Quadrilaterals.”

I’ll forgive your twice-toasted error for now—at least until breakfast is over—but just know one thing: your obtuse disregard for geometry has been acutely noted.

Now that I’ve cleared that up, I can talk about what may very well be, alongside its counterpart Trix Toaster Strudel, the very first cereal-flavored toaster strudel—a category that Pop-Tart, a brand so focused on realizing the inverse dream of toaster strudel-flavored cereal, has yet to capitalize on.

After considering the wealth of cooking options afforded to me, I opted for the titular toaster method, despite my ongoing disagreement with the box’s boldly vague direction to leave the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toaster Strudels for “1-2 cycles.”

That’s like saying “warm your bath water to somewhere between ‘Arizonan pond’ to ‘Mt. Vesuvius.'”

Disclaimer: I don’t eat Toaster Strudel nearly as often as Pop-Tarts—I prefer to freeze my toaster pastries, rather than defrost them—so I admit my cooking process for General Mills and T. P. Doughboy’s one-piece cereal may be flawed, rather than fine-tuned over decades of adolescent-to-adult snacking. I also admit that Including Kirby in my photos may not be funny to anyone else but me, but I have no intention of stopping.

Nevertheless, at about 1.45 cycles, I retrieved my now-bubbling Cinnamon Toast Patty, iced it, and allowed its scalding bubbles to simmer down to a mellow carbonation before biting in.

I will say that Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toaster Strudel’s official flavor name is “Cinnamania.” And aside from tantalizingly suggesting that there could be other Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toaster Strudel varieties (Cinnaphoria? Cinnfully Caramelized Clustered Crunchies?), this name, which feels like a spot-on description for what the pastry tastes like: ambitious, potent, and slightly anxiety-ridden—like the sort of cinnamon fan festival I imagine when hearing “Cinnamania.”

Housed inside a deliciously buttery—we’re talking croissant territory, folks—yet disastrously flaky shell (imagine Silly Putty after 1:45 in the microwave), CTC TS C’s real hero lies inside.

The gooey, semisolid cinnamon filling looks like melted Cinnamon Toast Crunch ore, and tastes an awful lot like it, too. From a cinnamon standpoint, both Strudel and cereal are about as far from real cinnamon sticks as a product could get without being disowned by the spice altogether. But where its bowled breakfast counterpart provides a comparatively two-dimensional blend of heavy cinnamon sugar, Cinnamania Toaster Strudels give both ends tastier depth, with its amber innards tasting halfway between a Cinnabon core and actual Cinnabon icing.

Which is, of course, how they made the Doughboy’s lifeblood.

What that means is that CTC Toaster Strudel filling is super brown-buttered and -sugared but, at times, syrupy and cloying, too. And the thinly puffed flood walls of the pastry shell can only pair their near-savory richness with the filling’s aggressive sweetness for so long before the whole thing gets a bit messy.

After washing my hands, I can confidently say that this is a great toaster pastry—it’s a nostalgically authentic transmutation of cereal into toaster pastry that doesn’t merely replicate the former’s flavor, but rather enhances it into a New York-style cinnamon roll. My main gripe is that, especially when the buttercreamy frosting pops in with a cheesecakey bite, the cinnamon—who still has top billing—can sometimes get upstaged altogether. While this may appeal to some looking for more of a Cinnamonish Toast Cheese Danish, I’ll see what I can do about tricking my Kirb-Tart into taking the cinnamon challenge.

But hey, at least my Pop-Tart senses aren’t useless: these things taste like swanky Uncrustables when frozen!

The Bowl: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toaster Strudel – Cinnamania!

The Breakdown: Creamy! Buttery! Nearly custardy! But the fact that cinnamon plays a second fiddle to all of them causes this otherwise decadent breakfast makes me want to give one a Cinnamon Toast Crunch endmilk swirly.

The Bottom Line: 8.5 multidimensional Pop-Tarts out of 10