I have seen the way. The way of the bag.

For the first 99.9% of my life, I was a non-believer at best and a heretic at worst. I turned my precociously large nose up at jumbo bagged cereals like those from Malt-O-Meal, seeing them as bootlegs. Cheap imitations. The cereal equivalents of tofurkey. And to be fair, they often tasted like it, too, with the thick bag imparting a (possibly imagined) plasticly stale aftertaste.

But then I saw the light, through a messiah known as Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch. Recent readers will remember me singing hymns of praise for it just last month, and it’s because of DCBC that I’ve joined the cult of Malt-O-Meal: the Church of the M-O-M, Spoon, and Holy-Crap-That’s-Good, if you will.

So now that I hear Malt-O-Meal (and parent company Post) are releasing Cinnamon Dyno-Bites Cereal and Golden Honey O’s Cereal, I’m more confident that the 2-pound cereal bricks bags will be more than just repackaged Cinnamon Pebbles and Honey Oh’s (which have recently been reformulated to remove graham, much to the chagrin of fans everywhere and reviewers like me who can’t even find the darn stuff).

No, I’m near-certain that some M-O-Mtherly love will be sprinkled in these bags to make them unique, and I can’t wait to try them. For those unfamiliar with their antecedent cereals, Cinnamon Dyno-Bites is cinnamon-flavored micro-rice flakes (meaning they’re a great texturizing mix-in for Cinnamon Toast Crunch), while Golden Honey O’s are oat and corn rings stuffed with rice and honey (meaning they’re delightfully sticky-sweet but can shred your mouth like Cap’n Crunch piloting a 360-degree lawn mower.

If you’re looking for these cereals, they should be at Walmarts already. But if you can’t find them, brush up on the best of M-O-M in the mean time, I recommend mixing Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch with Cookies & Cream and passing out from a sugar crash. These new ones should be out by the time you wake up!

Yes, I am ashamed.

I may outwardly appear to be a Pop-Tarts connoisseur—you know, the kind of pastry-pushing snob who considers Limited Edition Milk Chocolate Graham to be the best flavor, while simultaneously pushing boxes of Toaster Strudel to the back of the freezer case out of petty vengeance. But to my best recollection, I can’t recall ever trying Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts when the were first released and discontinued in 2005.

Either that, or they were so mind-meltingly good that my memory of them has been washed away in a rose-tinted sea of fruity brain fog.

But regardless of my sin against toaster pastry fandom, Strawberry Milkshakes were a cult favorite, so much so that Kellogg’s has brought them back, alongside Vanilla Milkshake (another Ice Cream Shoppe classic) for 2017.

So as usual, I’ve got one sitting plain, one in the toaster, and one in the freezer. But this time, I’m ready for that first bite of faux-lactose pastry to open my third stomach (I lent the second one to a cow in need) and flood in memories of past milkshakes eaten during my past lives—perhaps I was once a oil baron?

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Some seven and a half years ago, an MMA fighter turned farmer released a video of him gawking at a double rainbow whilst apparently hyped up on something far giddier than marshmallows. Now in the year 2017, Lucky the Leprechaun is doing him one better, with a new Lucky Charms cereal boasting three new rainbow marshmallows.

And it’s an old Lucky, too! We’ve all gotten used to seeing the Fairly OddParents-esque current Lucky, so it’s nice to see the familiar face many of us grew up with make a return along some colorfully granulated parabola friends.

These chic new marbits come just a few months after Lucky Charms debuted a full palette’s worth of Mixed-Up Marshmallows. While I say this with a tinfoil hat worn so tightly on my head it’s channeling local AM radio stations directly into my noggin, I still believe that the cereal brand’s marshmallow fashion show is being done to condition cereal lovers for the inevitable day that Lucky Charms ditches artificial colors, as per General Mills’ ongoing plight to make our nostalgic Saturday morning sugar bombs “all natural.”

I mean, just look at two of those marshmallows: no atomic blue, and no overly radioactive Shrek green! Call me a conspiracy theorist or a rose-tinted idealist if you must, but I want all my marshmallows to stay looking like something Thanos would put in the Infinity Gauntlet.

Unfortunately, the backs of these boxes don’t reveal any clues about dastardly Cerealluminati plots—just some sort of maze game that’ll keep you entertained precisely long enough to survive a Price is Right commercial break.

I’ve spotted these boxes at Walmart and Meijer now. Got a fascinating new cereal scoop of your own? Plop it on down at our Submissions page for a chance to see it on the blog!