Hold onto your unripe pumpkins, because it’s about to get prematurely spooky up in here.

What better way to beat the summer heat than to dream of cooler, crisper times ahead? That’s why the latest episode of my and Justin‘s meditative cereal podcast covers a diverse temporal spread of seasonal products, from sarcophagus-juicy Halloween gossip to Christmas cookies in July.

New to this calming corner of the world’s breakfast table? Get yourself good and horizontal—if you want to go the extra mile, fill your belly button with 2% for good luck—as we tackle muffin-flavored toast, Bubsy the Bobcat, and the many uses of the word “mythos.”

Oh, and these:

New perennial potluck favorite, anyone?

If the world’s got you hot and bothered, rather than buttered, you can find more existential cereal reassurances at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but reading them beats the heck out of daytime television.

Happy Independence Day to my American readers: may your day be filled with high-velocity hotdog eating, low-acceleration lazy rivers, and bowls of watermelon so deep you have to spoon chunks out of the juices, cereal style.

If you find yourself, your cat or dog overwhelmed by loud fireworks or Uncle Paul’s nonstop salvo of cannonballs, you can dive into the placid milky tides of The Empty Bowl Fifteen.

In this episode, Justin and I declassify Cap’n Crunch’s ever-expanding patriotic cereal campaign, lead a hemisphere-spanning investigation into two Mermaid cereals, and give a newcomer to the cereal world some first-day orientation.

Want to keep celebrating your independence from bad vibes? You can find more cereal free-for-alls at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they all make me pledge my allegiance to you, the kind listener.

uh, so I came home to a 20lb surprise package from @RealCapnCrunch, and he certainly delivered: thanks Cap! if you need me tomorrow, I'll be on the beach, chugging Red White & Blue Crunch out of a Crunch Cup. pic.twitter.com/TcEcAodj5u

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) July 3, 2019

As a bonus, you can see what the Cap’n planned for my own holiday weekend. Measuring in at actually 34 pounds, this is by far the wildest cereal gift I’ve been delivered—and as a surprise, at that. Thanks again, Cap: but would it kill you to mix up some Crunch Berry White Claw I could fill it with?

Hold your memory foam pillow tight and tell it to take the night off: for now, the only thing you need to remember is that good-good stuff we call cereal. So fill your cleanest pillow case with milk ‘n’ Fruity Pebbles, because it’s time to sink your noggin into The Empty Bowl Episode Thirteen.

On the latest episode of our “meditative podcast about cereal,” Justin and I talk cookies, cookie dough, and cookies + creme; discuss the weighty matter of new Fillows Cereal; and plumb the depths of cereal’s rich media history. Give it a listen while you fall asleep, fall in love, or fall under the spell of Cookie Jarvis.

Got a long night ahead? You can find more cereal lullabies on tape at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they definitely make the work day go by faster.