What’s that old Froot Loops slogan again? “Follow your ears…to transcend earthly spheres!” Or something like that.
The point is that, through some unexpected matchmaking between Kellogg’s and candymaker Frankford, our world has birthed a warren of White Chocolate Froot Loops Easter Bunnies, each capable of supplementing their big-beaked father’s apparent lack of audio-capturing organs. With his sense of smell and these rabbits’ lengthy lobes, Toucan Sam’s many enemies will no longer be able to sneak up on him.
Samuel’s senses have become too powerful for this plane, and the only way for us to prevent rainbow-looped Ragnarok is to eat as many of these rascally reconnaissance rabbits as possible.
Though February has hardly even begun to let loose her polar powdered wrath, these edible heralds of Punxsutawney Phil’s prophesied early spring have already been spotted by Cerealously pal Sammy Hain at Big Lots. Naturally, the best move when you get your hands on a Froot Loops Easter Bunny will be to slice it up with a cheese cutter and serve it atop Froot Loops Pop-Tarts like a cardiac-arresting charcuterie board.
(Conversely, the worst move would be to try toasting these hares like said Pop-Tarts, but that’s between you and your kitchen appliances.)
