Category Archives: Specials

03

Jan. ’21

The Empty Bowl Episode Forty-Four: 2020’s Best & Worst Cereals

Though I’m a few days late, I can’t leave 2020 in the past without doing an annual breakdown of its best and brightest cereals. And since this crappy year had its fair share of crappy cereals, too, for the first time I’ve assembled a Bottom 3 as well as a Top 5.

I also wanted to present these lists a little differently this time around. Tweaking my annual tradition as well as our typical episode outline, my 2020 Breakfast Review is explained at length in Episode Forty-Four of The Empty Bowl, a meditative podcast about cereal hosted by Justin McElroy and me. This was partly to save myself the wrist strain that comes with octupling my article length, but if you really really would rather read my lists than hear them, I’ll give a short and sweet summary below.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun making this episode, and I hope it helps start your 2021 with a heaping spoonful of chill, too. Cheers! Continue reading →

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30

Nov. ’20

The Empty Bowl Episode Forty-Two: Pebbles-Giving

Anybody still riding out strategically stockpiled leftovers? I’m on my last wistful wedge of quiche, and it’s a heavy feeling. Heavy in every sense. Knowing I have to go back to decidedly un-cornbread-stuffed, everyday pedestrian cuisine fills me with dread. And lazily peanut-buttered bread.

For anyone else out there wrestling with food prep procrastination, winter worries, or holiday gift anxieties, we’ve prepared a new episode of The Empty Bowl. Though it can’t solve every stress, Justin and I hope our meditative podcast about cereal can at least be a soothing salve for a half hour or so.

In this episode, we peruse a glut of upcoming Pebbles products, break down two cereal trinities (my pet theories), and share our dearest thanks with two pillars of the cereal aisle.

Still got leftover woes? We’ve got a lot more 30-minute audio escape pods at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a caramelized onion blessing the green bean casserole we call life.

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08

Nov. ’20

The Empty Bowl Episode Forty-One: The Latest Cinn-sation

*cracks open a cold one of your preferred cereal milk*

Long week, huh? Well, this might sound a little like snake oil, but what if I told you there’s a way you can soothe all your life’s tension in just 38 minutes? Well, your milage may vary, but Dr. Dan & Apothecary Justin’s 500-in-1 Mental Burden Balm is made of all-natural sound, with the perfect wavelength getting out all that crud deep down between your brain’s wrinkles.*

In this latest cereal meditation session, Justin and I raise a glass to Cinnamilk, get down with OCP, and compile a shortlist of Christmas Crunch’s Greatest Hits.

*Side effects of Dr. Dan & Apothecary Justin’s 500-in-1 Mental Burden Balm include drowsiness, increased appetite, and compulsive milk-drinking. If you’d like these effects to last longer than four hours, look for more doses on our Anchor hub, follow us on Twitter, or send us an email!

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07

Oct. ’20

Spooned & Spotted: Frankford Fruity Pebbles White Chocolate Bunny

Frankford Fruity Pebbles White Chocolate Bunny

Speak of the deviled, egged or otherwise, and they shall appear.

Just days ago, I shared news of Frankford’s freshly debuted Fruity Pebbles Candy Bar, remarking how Easter 2020’s Froot Loops White Chocolate Bunny should’ve been a Trix Rabbit. Perhaps hearing my pleas and choosing to further spurn them, Frankford already has a Fruity Pebbles White Chocolate Bunny all hopped-up and ready to go for 2021.

Yes, as I begin to make plans to consider buying materials for my Halloween costume—Thanksgiving & Christmas mere glimmers in the inevitably grueling midwest winter ahead—cereal-loving confectioners are already going hare-brained over next spring. And though the chaotic nature of 2020 makes it hard to picture how next year will look or feel—let alone taste—at least we have one Fruitily Pebbled thing to look forward to.

Well, two.

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05

Oct. ’20

Spooned & Spotted: Fruity Pebbles Candy Bar

https://www.instagram.com/p/CF6-64HhkPI/?utm_source=ig_embed

Finally, a Pebbles product for guys like me who detest the low-density, appetite-exacerbating composition of the cereals themselves. No longer will I have to eat three bowls of Fruity Pebbles just to feel them in my stomach: now I can insert a whole creamy bar of the stuff into my mouth like a Super Nintendo cartridge and call it a day.

Thanks to Candy Hunting and @andyjarnold, we now know that these King Size Fruity Pebbles Candy Bars are already available at Walmart: the appropriately King-Sized retailer that tends to reign over new cereal-adjacent exclusives. It’s unclear from this photo alone whether the Pebble-paved bar is made of white chocolate or just some cheap, abstract white sugar confection, but eagle-eyed, rabbit-eared readers may remember that Frankford also released a Froot Loops White Chocolate Easter Bunny earlier this year, so it seems they just swapped one fruity cereal brand for another here.

Wait a minute—hey Frankford, if you have leeway to partner with any cereal company, why wouldn’t you make a White Chocolate Trix Bunny?

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02

Oct. ’20

The Empty Bowl Episode Thirty-Nine: The Land of Milk & Golden Grahams Honey

Stressed? During this week of all weeks? Well color me surprised. I think surprise is an ethereal pink, right?

Either way, kiss your worries goodnight, goodbye, and good riddance, because Justin and I are back with the Thirty-Ninth episode of The Empty Bowl: a meditative podcast about cereal. And if you doubt we have the career experience in psycho–cereal sleep therapy, just know this is technically our second anniversary episode.

In this milestone of an episode, we get retrospective with General Mills, reveal the secret ingredient in Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies, and challenge you to provide any evidence that Granola Snacks really existed, or if I somehow tasted and photographed a lucid dream.

Is this week still weathering you? We’ve got a lot more rosy-eyed 30-minute dreamscapes at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one colors me a deeper shade of surprised.

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15

Sep. ’20

Spooned & Spotted: General Mills Cereal Remix Pouches

https://www.instagram.com/p/CFCvTEEBnQX/

Finally, a cereal snack that will scream D-J KHALED! when you open it.

That’s how remixes work nowadays, right?

Perhaps in line with their recent Retro Recipe debut, General Mills is releasing three pouched portmanteaus that pair familiar cereal pieces with other breakfast guest stars. As first shared by Candy Hunting, these Remixes aren’t quite shelf ready yet, but from what we can see, there’s plenty to speculate about.

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Remix takes a pretty safe position: CTC squares and Churros join Vanilla Chex for what should be a fairly predictable hyper-sweet Toast Crunch Textural Medley. The Golden Grahams S’Mores Remix is also well-trodden territory for other big cereal companies, so I’m sure the name-brand GG thing will be good, but likely leave me craving a bigger serving.

Chocolate Toast Crunch’s Remix is the biggest surprise here, since Cocoa Puffs is usually General Mills’ flagship chocolate cereal—and I’ve heard from many people claiming Chocolate Toast Crunch has been discontinued, at least in their area. It’s also the only Remix that thinks outside the cereal box, enlisting caramel corn as well as Vanilla Chex again. Given how well H-E-B incorporated popcorn into their own caramel granola, I expect this Remix to be a standout hit, too.

All that said, my excitement for these Remixes is at a meek 5.5/10. Not saying I could’ve designed a more exciting trio of sweets *cough* Honey & Oat Cheerios Oat Crunch, Honey Nut Chex & Pralines *cough* but I faintly hope that if these are just store samples so far, they’ll get enough feedback to crank up the indulgence factor like a Rollercoaster Tycoon ride given a triple corkscrew loop.

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11

Sep. ’20

Spooned & Spotted: Golden Grahams Retro Recipe!

Retro Recipe Golden Grahams with Honey

You ever see a new product release like this and wonder how you’re supposed to take it? As a celebration? An apology? A self own?

I consider myself both knowledgeable about cereal, and I’ve always been a big graham cracker stan, but I’ll admit I never noticed that Golden Grahams apparently hasn’t had honey in its ingredients list for some time now. I suppose I just never expected my old buddy Golden Grahams, my dear, sweet, innocent and unchanging Golden Grahams, to betray my trust. Between its yellow branding and its most famous commercials, Golden Grahams should’ve at least told people when it told mascot Honey The Honey Drop’s namesake stuff to buzz out of their cereal.

This is a dupe right up there with all Froot Loop colors tasting the same and Chocolate Lucky Charms being a corn-based cereal!

It’s tough to pinpoint exactly when Golden Grahams pivoted from a honey graham to a brown sugar graham cereal, but comparing school cafeteria nutrition labels for single-serve Golden Grahams packaging, we can estimate it was some time between 2011 and 2013.

Now, so many depraved years later, Golden Grahams is proudly doubling back on its duplicity, at least temporarily, with Retro Recipe Golden Grahams—made with real honey! Spotted at Walmart by Tim S. (long-time vocal advocate for oat flour’s return to General Mills’ Monster Cereals, a noble and just cause), Retro Recipe Golden Grahams are certainly at the top of my “must try” list. And by “try,” I mean in the “push ’em to the edge” sense of the word. These Grahams have a lot of explaining to do.

We shared everything with each other, Golden Grahams! Promise me you’ve changed for good! Prove it to me by making Retro Recipe Count Chocula happen!

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