Need to chill out? Boy, do we have a cool glass of milk for you.
Or maybe not: on episode 4 of The Empty Bowl—our soothing (emphasis on the O’s) cereal podcast—Justin and I talk about the perks and irks surrounding dry cereal. Other topics include the widely heralded return of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch, the mathematical inconsistencies of XL Cap’n Crunch, and the upcoming debut of a certain sweet and sour cereal.
As always, we deeply appreciate the positive feedback we’ve received on the show. If you’re interested in helping better spread our breakfast zen across the world, subscribing, rating, retweeting, donating, or simply telling your grandma about the show would mean so much to the both of us.
You can also send us questions and feedback over email—unfortunately we can’t promise discussions on every kind letter we receive, but know that every message is read and heartfully valued.
Until next time, don’t forget to drink the milk—or, you know, intentionally forget the milk and eat it dry.
Ahh, Saturday: essentially the sacred day of cereal, its mornings are culturally cemented as temporal offerings to both cereal and cartoons, while its late nights are perfect for some midnight snacking.
So what better day than cereal’s soulbound Saturday to kick off another attempt at extracurricular site content?
Long backstory short, my friend, cereal box collector, and frequent Cerealously ally Gabe Fonseca sent me some old boxes he had doubles of. This was some two years ago, but after misplacing and rediscovering the boxes in storage (sorry Gabe!), I finally feel ready to give these long expired gems a fresh look.
So welcome to Cereal Throwbox, a period flashback to more colorful, and oftentimes more creative, cereal eras gone by. At least for now, these are chosen with no rhyme or reason other than “I like/remember/want to imagine growing up and watching anime with this one.”
I know Christmas-colored Cap’n Crunch cereal looks so tasty you could swallow a box in a single spoonful, but come on: cough it up.
No, not the cereal. And not you, dear reader, either. I’m talking to Quaker, Post, and the rest of the Elder Quartet of Cereal Corps.
They need to cough up a couple Xboxes, or at least some good tube socks (silky ones!), because if Big Cereal wants to keep bringing holiday season cereals into prime ‘stumin’ season—that’s costumin’ for the un-apostrophed time spenders out there—they better give me gifts all October long.
Seriously, is it that tough for Kellogg’s to fill my burlap autumn stockings with a gallon of grade-A E.L. Fudge filling?
Especially since Quaker seems to be continuing its streak of repeating the same Christmas Crunch art for multiple year cycles, as evidenced by this early box found by Dad Bod Snacks on Instagram.
Definitely more naughty than nice, this is the third year Cap’n Crunch’s iconic yuletide Crunch Berries variant—which really doesn’t taste any different—will be using the once amazing, but now slightly stale Christmas Vacation-style box art.
You’d think futzing with those lights for long enough would light a creative spark in the ol’ Cap’n.
So while I’ll have to hold out another year for the Elf and A Christmas Story Crunchological parodies I keep imagining—with Crunch Berries shaped like legs and syruped spaghetti—it’s good to know that if the early November blahs get to me, I can plunker down with the Cap’n and some eggnog and have a merry time.
Though it’d be merrier if the nog was spiked with elven sandwich cookie innards.
Monday’s trickling fountainhead of leftover weekend euphoria has dribbled its last drop of libidinal residue, yet the hump day, the harbinger of home stretches, hasn’t even begun.
It’s a day that’s too long, too hopeless, and too…Tuesday. I know I’ve spent my fair share of workday 3pm hours aimlessly Googling Pottery Barn coupons and “Which Sailor Scout are You?” personality quizzes*, so I feel obligated to help others get through the week’s second-day slog.
And what better way to do that than by sharing Episode 3 of my and Justin McElroy’s break(fast)-out podcast, The Empty Bowl.
For the unenlightened (emphasis on the enlightenment), The Empty Bowl aims to bring calm and zen to your day by focusing on the meditative nature of everyone’s favorite** milked breakfast food.
The echoing clink of a struck bowl. The tranquil drip of an overflowing spoon. The delicate odyssey of a back-of-box word search. All are fair game on The Empty Bowl, and in this episode we bring a litany of cereal rumors (some recently demystified), a taste of Trix, and a few maxims about milk into our zinc-enriched zen zone.
I hope you enjoy, relax, and maybe pour yourself a bowl of something sweet—if you have a bowl of Waffle Crisp, savor it fondly and tenderly. We plan to be back with another episode in just a couple weeks’ time, so if you have any discussion ideas or questions you’d like to hear about, fling ’em to our inbox.
*I’m pretty Sailor Uranus, with a Saturnal twist.
**Unless you’re a big Carnation Breakfast Essentials fan, in which case, you may to purée our podcast before consuming.
I’ve always firmly believed that cereal is more than yum of its parts.
Sure, it’s delicious, but I suspect that many have a lingering fanaticism for it—not that I would know, of course—because of the feelings it connotes, in both the past and present tense.
Carefree whimsy, rose-tinted rosiness, Limited Edition Kemp’s Gingerbread Man Ice Cream Sandwiches: whatever childhood means to you, that’s what cereal stands for.
It just happens to often come in chocolatey marshmallow form, too
So while I’ve spent many a morn’ tasting, reviewing, and inevitably continuing to eat said cereal ’til about lunch, I’ve always wanted to explore these broader reasons for loving cereal “culture,” so to speak. It’s why I feel so strongly about The Empty Bowl‘s commitment to the zen art of cereal eating. Continue reading →
(EDIT: As of January 2020, Waffle Crisp has again been spotted in America. So far, in bagged form at Walmart!)
Oof.
This one hurts.
No one ever thinks they’ll outlive their favorite cereals. After all, for many of us, the iconic flavors and mascots that built the breakfast aisle, from Cheerios to Frosted Flakes, have existed since we were born and strongly endured as mythical presences through the golden graces of youth.
If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a pantheon of cereal characters to build a childhood.
And for me, one of those most trusted breakfast table companions was Waffle Crisp. Where others have fond loaven recollections of French Toast Crunch, my maple memories are less Francophilic and more Belgicious. Though my Belgian heritage may be to thank, the miniature waffles’ sticky sweet maple syrup glaze really filled heart with joy—much like real syrup cascading into a freshly ironed waffle’s checkered pockets.
Oh, and the iconic smell that precedes the cereal, filling any kitchen, conservatory, or football stadium where the box is opened? I need it in cologne form, yesterday.
That’s why I chose Waffle Crisp for my first ever “Classic Review,” and it’s why I nearly shed a single, amber tear when hearing from fan Sydney N. that he spotted the cereal on Post’s discontinued products page.
(Waffle) battered and heartbroken, I reached out to Post, hoping this listing was just some horrible prank pulled by Dr. Burnt Toast, to get back at the wonderful Waffle Boy, but their customer service team confirmed my fears.
Yes, Waffle Crisp has been discontinued. It’s a sad day, especially when Post has been cranking out a number of great cereals lately. Waffle Crisp has already been difficult for many to find in the last few years, but with the cereal’s (literally) rich, Eggo-topping 20+ year history, it would be especially sad if the success of Oreo O’s and its ilk was what pushed Waffle Boy off shelves.
All hope might not be lost, of course: those of lucky enough to have reliable WC access can stock up while we can, and despite this news, Post’s extremely similar Good Morenings Waffle Crunch cereal—whose in-store availability, appropriately, also waffles—hasn’t been officially discontinued yet [EDIT: I’m told this has also been discontinued 🥺].
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqkQsq23DwA
So while the flavor may persevere, and while old cereals make fan-requested comebacks all the time (I hope they bring the grandmas back too in 20 years, and maybe a Pancake Crisp variant while they’re at it), I guess I’ll have to eat a bowl of Maple Cheerios in respectful solidarity, recognizing that my youthful maple tastes have to grow up a little. And add a little fiber too.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t leave this article with one last elegy for my departing friend: Oh, Waffle Boy, the Post, the Post is calling From bowl to bowl, and down the pantry side. The syrup’s gone, and all the milk is sogging, It’s you, it’s you must go and I must crunch alone.
Sure, we’ve all been dreaming of Cocoa Puffs since 9am (just minutes after finishing our morning Cocoa Krispies), but I mean really thinking about cereal. Like, contemplating the nihilistic ramifications of a world wear slightly torn cereal boxes will never close again.
It can be tough to squeeze this kind of munchable meditation into our everyday lives, so if you need a little spiritual spoon guidance, let Justin McElroy and I be your yummy yogis (I can keep this alliteration up all day) with episode 2 of The Empty Bowl.
For those out of the Froot Loop, The Empty Bowl is a 15-25 minute discussion about the latest and greatest in breakfast cereal. It’s packed with positive reinforcement and relaxing tones, so you can enjoy breakfast—or the dreadful first hour after lunch—in extra crispy peace.
In this episode, we look at some of the holiday cereal news that’s already breaking through all the Hallo-headlines, walk through my recent experience with a Cap’n Crunch Blender, and regale you kind listeners with the history and future of Pop-Tart Cereal.
If that sounds like your cup of milk, you can enjoy the show above, or use this link to subscribe and support The Empty Bowl. Half of any generous donations go toward keeping this site afloat, and the other half will go to the Facing Hunger Foodbank in Huntington, WV.
My deepest thanks to everyone who has listened to, contributed to, rated, reviewed, or otherwise directed good vibes toward The Empty Bowl so far. I am simultaneously humbled by the feedback, encouraged to get over my fear of voice work, and inspired to keep creating a richer, calmer, and more enjoyable breakfast experience for cereal heads across the world.
So as the old saying goes: Don’t forget to drink the milk—or chug a Cap’n Crunch Blender.
You heard me right. The important question here isn’t “are you excited to eat sweetly coated Rice Krispies Treats niblets?” because of course I am. And I’ve even got a special ladle ready to eat them by the scoopful.
No, I’m more interested to see which Rice Krispies elf posed each of these new Snap Crackle Poppers’ 3 flavors. Crackle is obviously the wildcard, making him a shoe-in for Cookies ‘n’ Créme—I mean, these lil Treat cubes even spell their flavor differently than their full, rectangularly prismatic selves. What’s wilder than adding an accent?
Don’t answer that.
As for Snap and Pop, it’s a toss up between who’s more boring and Vanilla Créme-y and who’s barely scraping creatively by with Chocolatey. Actually, I’ve decided: I don’t care, and I’d rather daydream about what flavor Pow, the long-lost Rice Krispies black sheep, would choose for a Snap Crackle Popper/Power.
It has to be something crazy enough to get him in existential trouble, so probably Sriracha or Nintendo Switch Cartridge flavored.
Either way, we can look forward to seeing all 3 flavors on shelves soon. Thanks to both The Junk Food Aisle and Candy Hunting for the find. If you have a nugget of cereal knowledge to share, you can always pass it along here for a chance to see it on the site. Happy snapping, crackling, popping, crunching, munching, and 3-course lunching!
