Category Archives: Specials

31

Dec. ’22

Counting Down the 5 Best Cereals of 2022!

Top 5 Cereals of 2022

Woof, what a year: and that’s saying something, since I’m a cat person.

I’ll be honest, this was the hardest end-of-year best-of list I’ve had to put together since starting this blog in 2015. Sad to say, but 2022 just was not a strong year for new cereals. You know it’s bad when two out of my top 5 released way back in January, and another didn’t even reach mainstream shelves at all.

I’m no economist, gastronomist, nor Nostradamus, so I really can’t make any authoritative statements on what went wrong with ’22’s meagre chews and what that bodes for the future of cereal, but if I could summarize my observations in two words, I’d go with misplaced innovation. I know that sounds heinous considering how big of a proponent I am for doing new things in the cereal aisle, but when those new things consisted mainly of collectible hypebeast box collabs and the kind of temperature thaumaturgy that resulted in the year’s two worst cereals, maybe by “innovation” I mean I just want to see decadent new flavor explorations, rather than flashy cardboard or outright alchemy.

But enough about the bad apples: let’s focus on the good noodles. Continue reading →

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31

Dec. ’21

The 5 Best (and 3 Worst) New Cereals of 2021

Top Cereals of 2021

O dumpster fire, O dumpster fire
How flaming is thy garbage
O rubbish year, O rubbish year
Your trash was so combustive

I’m sure you don’t need your friendly neighborhood cereal blogger to remind you that 2021 has been, by and large, a rough one: a collective yikes, a 365-day-long concerted oof, if you will. And when I started this article, I initially felt like 2021 was a bad year for new cereals, too. Compared to the meaty breakfasts and Green Onion Chexes of recent years, 2021 definitely had fewer game-changing cereal oddities. The closest thing to a show-stopping headline was the 50th anniversary Monster Mash Cereal—which turned out to be a pretty milquetoast Monster Cereal send up that, while not worthy of my year-end list, was still a befitting symbol for this year.

Nevertheless, as I retro-flected on everything I reviewed this year, I was surprised to see a fair handful of fond memories. For a vast majority of this good stuff, I simply couldn’t believe they actually came out in 2021: that’s how long this year has felt. #2 on this year’s Best List, in particular, felt like something I would’ve eaten while still in high school—if not while still in diapers.

But I’m sure you’ll get enough of this blithe oh what a year small talk from your real-life NYE compatriots, so allow me to cut to the chase: here are the five new cereal(related product)s that made my mouth water this year—and the three that made my cry. Continue reading →

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18

Dec. ’21

Spooned & Spotted: Mrs. Butterworth Fruity Pebbles Syrup

https://www.instagram.com/p/CXgaF-XLyV6/

This is her body…

*hands you a small waffled wafer*

…and this is her blood.

*pours Fruity Pebbles syrup directly into your mouth*

Yes, dear parishioners at this holy maple mass, you can now top your breakfast with Mrs. Butterworth’s own crimson lifeblood! Or perhaps it’s Fred Flintstone’s—the scripture isn’t clear on this matter. And this viscous red syrup sure ain’t clear either. All we can be sure about is that Mrs. Butterworth’s Fruity Pebbles-flavored syrup is now available at Walmart.

Personally, I can’t imagine loving the taste of liquefied Pebbles enough to finish an entire bottle of it, so I feel like you’d have to get creative with how you use this stuff. Pour it in your coffee, maybe? Or perhaps pour it all over your body and build the world’s stickiest slip-n-slide? I have no idea, but at least Cap’n Crunch’s Ocean Blue Syrup now has a competitor for the “most eerily food-colored cereal sauce in history” title belt.

What cereal do you think should get syrup-ified next? I feel like Waffle Crisp is too redundant of an answer, so maybe Golden Grahams?

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25

Aug. ’21

Spooned & Spotted: Apple Pie Toast Crunch Cereal

New Apple Pie Toast Crunch Cereal

Welp, so much for a slow news week.

Having bemoaned just yesterday how no show-stopping new cereals in some time, the breakfast gods must’ve heard my cries. Appearing entirely without warning, fanfare, nor heralding angels, Apple Pie Toast Crunch is apparently hitting shelves.

This stuff was found at Albertson’s by Chris’s Cereal Crusade, and its wintery branding seems to suggest Apple Pie Toast Crunch is either a companion or replacement for long-time seasonal specialty Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch—here’s hoping it’s the former, so I can mix the two.

Toast Crunch devotees will no-doubt notice how similar Apple Pie Toast Crunch sounds to now-discontinued Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the key difference being the older of the two used French Toast Crunch’s bread-shaped pieces instead of these crazy squares. To be honest, I dearly miss the dense ‘n’ crunchy era of adorably sliced Toast Crunches—especially the sugar-dusted ones—but it’s hard to get mad about something that sounds as good as, well, Apple Pie Toast Crunch.

I’ll certainly be on the lookout for this stuff as it hopefully pops up in more stores soon. If you’ve tried it, let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

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16

Jul. ’21

The Empty Bowl Episode Fifty-Four: Purple Stuffed

Are your eyes getting weary? Perhaps your back is getting tight? Perhaps you’re even sitting here in traffic, on the Queensborough Bridge tonight?

Well, whatever burdens—sitcom-inspired or otherwise—may be weighing you down, assuage them with a new episode of The Empty Bowl: a soothing cereal podcast by myself and Justin McElroy that’s fit for a king of queens, a queen of kings, or even a jester for clowns.

As with every episode, we cover new cereal news, reviews, and a lil something extra. In this case, we’re talking Kellogg’s x Addams Family, CLIF Cereals, all things purple, and more!

If you’re tired of TBS reruns, you can find 53 other Empty Bowl episodes at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a high-five from Kevin James, delivered directly to our brains.

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13

Jun. ’21

The Empty Bowl Episode Fifty-Two: Gatsby’s Favorite Snack Crackers

It’s been a volatile few weeks here on Cerealously Dot Net. Between the worst Lucky Charms ever, the worst Pop-Tarts ever, and John Oliver’s public anti-cereal tirade, I think I speak for all my fellow breakfast lovers when I say we need a little optimism.

As such, mournful munchers need look, listen, and chill no further than the latest episode of my and Justin‘s meditative cereal podcast: The Empty Bowl! With blissful beachside vibes and nonchalant ridiculousness by the heaping spoonful, it’s the perfect audio oasis for relaxing after a long day or a deep bowl of cereal. In this episode, we attempt to gently navigate the challenging headlines listed above, while also covering Fruity Cereal Kit-Kats, Team Cheerios, H-E-B’s best cereals, and more!

If your brain needs to soak in cool milk a little longer, you can find 51 other Empty Bowl episodes at out Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a boat moving with the current, bearing forward ceaselessly into an innovative cereal future.

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29

Apr. ’21

The Empty Bowl Episode Fifty: Carvel Crunchies Ruined My Life

Oops, I did it again! And again. And again. And again…and again. In some small circles (i.e. the triangulation of me and my two cats), I’m infamous for forgetting to post on this blog about the podcast I cohost. So if you haven’t already caught-up on my and Justin’s meditative show about cereal, get ready for a ladle-sized spoonful of relaxing breakfast content.

In our last five episodes, we’ve covered a sweet, sweet swath of topics, from the hunt for Garfield’s long-lost ’80s cereal to my field trip to Grand Rapids’ new Eastown Cereal Cafe. For our milestone fiftieth episode, released today, we talked about cereal DUPLOs, meaningless blue marshmallows, the in-bowl integrity of favorite spoons, and much more.

If you’ve got even more catching up to do, you can find every Empty Bowl episode at out Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a very meaningful blue marshmallow converted to HTML.

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31

Jan. ’21

The Empty Bowl Episode Forty-Five: From Strawberries to Jazzberries

Whoa, whoa, chill out, January! Seriously: anyone else having the nuttiest month in recent memory? It seems all the flow of my life has been reaching high tide, so I’m grateful for a chance to seek calmer, milkier waters with you all in a new episode of The Empty Bowl.

Because it isn’t just personal: the breakfast business is coming in hot and heavy for the start of the year—like they always do—and our meditative cereal podcast is just trying to keep up. Join me and Justin in this forty-fifth episode. We cover the newest from Krave, two new kinds of Strawberry Cheerios, and ponder the best way to infuse lavender into your cereal bowl.

Still nursing burns from January’s embers? Spark up another 30-minute brain warmer at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a mugful of hot cocoa, melting the snow around my heart.

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