The nonsensical absence of Cinnamon Frosted Flakes puts too much pressure on the too-small balls to prop up the flavor. If you insist on a middling combo like this, I'd still wait for Kellogg's upcoming Frosted Flakes x Apple Jacks Mashups, since AJ pieces are, at least, larger.
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 26, 2021
The latest nosh from my perennially overflowing pantry.
I admit it: I’m a fraud.
See, I often claim that this is a blog about “cereal, Pop-Tarts, and oatmeal,” but I haven’t written a word about oatmeal since mid-2018—let alone other hot cereals. Sorry, Cream of Wheat, but I just don’t think we’re going to work out.
There are a couple reasons for my oatmeal abstinence. Logistically, I both don’t hear about new oatmeals often, plus in the breakfast aisle it’s way harder to notice new oatmeal varieties, since brands like Quaker will use the same box design with small element swaps.
But more importantly, I simply can’t get as excited about new strains of oatmeal as I can about new cereals. Oatmeal just lacks the crunch, potency, and childlike goofiness that makes cereal so fun—and don’t even get me started on how hard it is to take an attractive picture of beige mush. Like a school photographer, I find myself grimacing through the steamed-up lens, thinking “Oh. Great. You’re looking, so…eager,” as my oatmeal slogs its way through the $100 picture package its parents paid for.
Aesthetic tepidity aside, oatmeal is back in a sleek and minimalistic way with these RX A.M. Oats cups. Armed with four cutely cupped flavors—Chocolate, Apple Cinnamon, Maple, and Vanilla Almond—I’m here to take some moist glamour shots and see if these high-protein, low-ingredient cups can stand oat-to-oat with the feeble Quaker guy and his flimsy packets. Continue reading
“CRUNCH, YEAH!” insists the slightly unnerving face of Carvel’s cone-headed mascot.
But what I hear echoing is, “LAWS? NAH!”
Put simply, Carvel Crunchies feels like an illegal cereal. A controlled substance. The type of stuff I’d take to have a shamanic desert odyssey.
Starting today through April 18th, the first 150 people to place an in-person or digital order at their local Carvel location will get a complimentary box of Crunchies Cereal. Just be sure to bring a holster or attache case so you can secure the box to your person without putting bystanders at risk.
See, because Carvel Crunchies is a freebie cereal that’ll never be sold at stores—though it might find a niche at Cabela’s—it doesn’t have to hold itself to the same logical balanced-breakfast standards as every mainstream cereal. After all, Carvel Crunchies are based on the brand’s beloved fudge-covered cookie crumbles… Continue reading
You can’t convince me otherwise: Superman ice cream, like its namesake hero, is an anomalous alien life form that’s managed to assimilate into Midwestern American life. From taste to aesthetics, the stuff is just so weird, yet so good, and its flavor defies conventional description like any number of SCPs or extraterrestrial pocket dimensions.
Superman ice cream is a tantalizing tryst between ice cream flavors cherry, lemon, and blue moon—itself an oddity whose implacable taste has been described as everything from marshmallows and vanilla almonds to Lucky Charms and Froot Loops. Quintessentially a “Michigan thing” by origin, Superman ice cream’s popularity has spread across the midwest, including Cincinnati, OH: birthplace of Kroger grocery stores.
Of all the infinite flavor forms a store-brand Oreo could take, Superman ice cream has gotta be one of the most obscure—but even before tasting these, I’m so glad Kroger went there. And I’m also glad they went with a name as palatable as “Kaleidos,” rather than following the dark path of, *shudder*, “Creme Betweens.” Continue reading
If there’ve been two themes in my pantry lately, it’s pouches and “grown-up” cereals. Between paltry serving sizes and keto fails, these haven’t been all that exciting, either.
So instead of reciprocally indulging in a mixing bowl of chocolate-syrup-slathered Cosmic Brownie bites—there’ll be plenty of time for that later—why not double down with a grown-up pouched cereal? A regular kangaroo of a breakfast, if you will.
Now, Schoolyard Snacks—formerly known as Cereal School—isn’t really an adult-stomached new kid on the block. But they offered to send me a sample of their Peanut Butter cereal variety, and in the interest of healthier cereal completionism, here we are.
With that, I’ll again clarify that I don’t follow a keto diet by any starchy stretch of the imagination. Therefore, my taste buds aren’t all-that attuned to alternative ingredients like those in Peanut Butter Schoolyard Snacks. However, having tried a fair number of adult cereals now, I feel I can give a reasoned perspective on how this release compares to other brands in the keto-sphere.
In short, if your palate is used to keto foodstuffs, then just add 2 points to whatever score I give these at the end. Now, lend me your eyes and stomach, dear reader: class is in session. Continue reading
Did someone order fast food? Because I’m back with a quick, drive-through tweet reviews of two new cereal pouches in my pantry that aren’t quite substantial enough to chew over for the full length of a blog post. Chocolate Honeycomb Big Bites are now on shelves alongside regular, honey Big Bites, while Chocolate Toast Crunch Remix has debuted with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Remix and Golden Grahams S’Mores Remix.
Do note, that for fans of my full-length reviews, I’ll be posting more soon once a) I clear up my review backlog and b) my wild whirlwind life passes this hectic phase. Keep it crunchy, folks!
BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Chocolate Honeycomb Big Bites have no reason to be pouched. There's like 3 bowls' worth in this, the pieces are barely bigger than normal HC, plus they're only alright. Mid-grade cocoa powder flavor that beats Cosmic Brownie Cereal, but not Chocolate Eggo. pic.twitter.com/IrjxrS7oei
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 2, 2021
BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Choco-Caramel Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the most interesting of GM's 3 pouched Remixes. The cereal pieces are alright, but caramel corn MAKES this, with its buttery sweetness & golden milk-proof armor proving popcorn deserves a place in a real full-sized cereal. pic.twitter.com/JOkDktO9ED
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 2, 2021
Today I learned, thanks to the fun factoids on the back of my this cereal box, that Cosmic Brownies were named after the cosmic bowling fad—and not, in fact, after the deadly sprinkled Fudgenaut asteroid that killed the dinosaurs (they’re like dogs and can’t have chocolate).
Well, while my world has been turned upside-down like ten struck pins, I can at least sooth my addled mind with a bowl of Cosmic Brownies Cereal. Though this sequel to Oatmeal Cream Pies Cereal isn’t fully hitting stores until May, I was lucky enough to get an early sample, so I can advise you whether to buy it, or whether to just cram a real Cosmic Brownie into your Slap Chop. Continue reading
I’ve got a lot of stuff in my pantry, and with the whirlwind that is my life lately, I can’t get around to giving everything 600 words’ worth of reviewing. So for these two new Jumbo Snax varieties, I figured I’d just tweet out my fast & furious thoughts. After all, the amount of time it takes to read a tweet is about how long it takes to finish a Jumbo Snax pouch.
BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Kellogg's Smorz Jumbo Snax are good! Spot-on for the cereal and I like combining the graham & chocolate components in one piece. With how sweet cereal is, I prefer this consistent taste to having filler marshmallows. pic.twitter.com/KVTRdMKg3z
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) March 28, 2021
BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Boy, I don't know how they messed up Cinnabon Jumbo Snax this bad. First of all, I only got this many pieces.
But worse, these taste….botched? Too sickly sweet, weirdly over caramelized, oily and almost burnt? Talk about a vicious spiral pic.twitter.com/L0QLWUtzJg
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) March 29, 2021
