Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Trader Joe’s Country Pumpkin Spice Granola Cereal

It’s official.

The month of October will no longer be known as the “Halloween season.” Instead, it will officially be deemed “Trader Joe’s month-long pumpkin-palooza.”

Seriously, walking into a TJ’s this time of year is like being transported into one of your grandma’s autumn tablecloths, with every store orifice (storeifice, for short) being plastered with kitschy graphics of everyone’s favorite vegetable. Or fruit. Whatever the heck your know-it-all cousin insists that it “technically” is.

And while I’ve already discussed Pumpkin O’s cereal, it isn’t the only pumpkin cereal Trader Joe has plucked from his field. So whether or not you consider granola to be an actual cereal (the word is on the box so leave me alone, dang it!), it’s time to give Country Pumpkin Spice Granola its time in the candlelit spotlight. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, granola, pumpkin, trade joe's. Leave a comment

Oct. ’15

Review: Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s Cereal

Ahh, Trader Joe’s.

With its Hawaiian shirt-wearing employees, its whimsical wordplay, and its overwhelmingly campy atmosphere, I’ve always thought of it as the grocery store equivalent of Uncle Joey from Full House.

And just like how everyone’s goofy uncle has some sort of kitschy obsession, Trader Joe’s goes absolutely ~~bananas~~ pumpkins during the fall season.

That’s right. I just turned pumpkins into a verb. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, pumpkin, trader joe's. 3 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Franken Berry Cereal (2015)

Tired of Count Chocula stealing the spotlight with his toothy grin, Franken Berry shoves the cloaked, cocoa narcissist aside.

“That’s the last straw,” he bellows. “It’s time for strawberries to run this show!”

I hope you’re getting berry excited for Halloween, because now that the wonderful month of October is finally in full swing (speaking of which: just look at all the glorious fake skeletons swinging in the breeze!), it’s time to crack open another box of General Mills’ monster cereals, which are back with a ~~bloodthirsty~~ milkthirsty vengeance for the 2015 season. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, franken berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 3 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Halloween Apple Jacks and Froot Loops Cereals with Skeleton Marshmallows

Before this Halloween, if you gleefully said you were eating a bowl of milk bones, your friends and family would either look at you strangely for munching on dog treats, or they would say “honey, get the camera: the dog is talking!”

But thanks to Kellogg’s, now you can finally achieve your dream of crunching femurs into dust without fear of social alienation or a life sentence. Along with Halloween Krave, Kellogg’s 2015 Halloween cereal offering features two new seasonal versions of Apple Jacks and Froot Loops, each with orange and white bone marshmallows that let you build a sugary model of a skeleton.

What do I say to this idea? Boo!

(In the cool, ghost way, of course. Not the “you stink” way.) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, apple jacks, froot loops, halloween, kelloggs. 1 Comment

Oct. ’15

Review: Cap’n Crunch’s Halloween Crunch Cereal (2015)

Does just looking at this cereal box make you green with envy?

Well just wait until you see the milk.

That’s right, boils & ghouls: Cap’n Crunch’s Halloween Crunch has arisen from its annual resting place to haunt your pantry in the absolute best way possible. The base cereal formula is the same as previous years: plain Cap’n Crunch pieces mixed with orange Crunchberry ghosts that are coated in a mystical ectoplasm that turns milk green (this sentence in itself is worth embroidering on a throw pillow).

However, this year’s box art cranks up the spook to a level even Spinal Tap would scoff at. While previous boxes contented themselves with putting the Cap’n on a pumpkin or dressing him up in costume, this year he is literally a zombie! I’m so excited my sentences automatically started italicizing themselves! This is scary! How do I turn this off? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cap'n crunch, halloween, quaker. 1 Comment

Sep. ’15

Review: Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats Cereal

As we all wait for the Great Pumpkin (he’ll show, trust me!), let’s gather round, snuggle up with our our Linus blankets, and I’ll tell you all about one of the only cereal options available for pumpkin junkies: Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats!

Kellogg’s introduced these hay bale-shaped love letters to autumn a few months ago, but now they’re finally reaching the shelves of mainstream grocery stores everywhere. If you stopped reading that sentence halfway through to pull on your socks and shout “Honey, start the car!” I fully understand. While you shop, I’ll sit here and entertain your cat, who is now reading the screen in your absence. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, mini-wheats, pumpkin. 7 Comments

Sep. ’15

Review: Special K Apple Cinnamon Crunch Cereal

Have you ever wanted to eat apple pie for breakfast, but your parents/grandma/dentist/grade school healthy eating propaganda film said no?

Well now it’s time to turn the tables on them (but not literally, I would hate to spill any cereal), because Special K Apple Cinnamon Crunch is like a healthy apple pie that got crystallized and shattered into flakes and clusters by some wonderful alien technology.

I’m so glad aliens are using their powers for the betterment of breakfast now.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, kelloggs, special k. 11 Comments

Sep. ’15

Review: Frute Brute Cereal (2013)

I’ve been waiting for this moment for 2 years.

Or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say, “my soul has been waiting for this moment for over 40 years.”

Since Fall has officially begun, I felt it was time to do something big to ring in the Halloween season. And by “ring,” I don’t mean “put 5 plastic spider rings on every finger and pretend to be the world’s lamest horror movie villain.” No, I’m going to eat a box of Frute Brute that I saved from 2013’s revival of the werewolf monster cereal that originally debuted in 1974. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 1 rating, 8 rating, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 3 Comments