Just look at those swirls. Imagine them hypnotically spinning: spinning, twirling, and careening down into your cereal bowl.
You’re getting very, very hungry.
It’s been a relatively slow month for new cereal, so while I continue eagerly hunting for Post’s new Marshmallow Pebbles, I think it’s time I gave a cinnamon-seasoned cereal veteran a proper vetting.
And since the tempting spirals in this box of Kellogg’s Cinnabon cereal have been beckoning me like crunchy sirens for awhile now, they seem like good review candidates.
Maybe now I won’t have to eat bowls full of Taco Bell Cinnabon Delights and milk. I hear that’s how they finally killed Rasputin. Continue reading →
Maplemania: a disease that has afflicted many, myself included. It’s native to Canada and and regions of Vermont, and symptoms of this affliction include relentless addiction to syrup-drenched pancakes, habitual licking of maple trees, and compulsive urges to bathe in tubs full of milk-soaked Waffle Crisp.
Recommended treatment is a continual IV drip of Grade A Dark Amber. Or, you know, maybe just a bowl of Peace Cereal’s Maple Pecan Clusters & Flakes cereal. The cereal claims to be flavored with real maple syrup, but will it properly sedate a maplemaniac like me?
Your eyes jolt open. You feel more rested than usual, and as you look at the clock and experience a mild heart attack, you realize why—you slept through your alarm!
After dancing your way through a frantic shower (no one’ll notice the shampoo still dripping from your ears, right?) and flailing into dress clothes, you’re about ready to leave before you conclude that if you don’t grab some breakfast, your growling stomach might roar you off the side of the road.
Bursting into your pantry, you have three choices:
A) A bowl of Raisin Bran with milk (eaten with one hand on the steering wheel)
B) A slab of bacon (cooked on a portable skillet plugged into your cigarette lighter)
C) A Kashi GoLean Peanut Hemp Crunch Plant-Powered Bar
If you chose A or B, prepare for a tragic “THE END” to your milk-soaked adventure. But if you chose C like me, turn to the next page and we’ll see if our breakfast choice was any more satisfying than a roadside bacon grease third degree burn. Continue reading →
Nature Valley is on a hot streak. With the delicious Chocolate Oat Clusters and Baked Oat Bites already under their granola-crumb encrusted belt, will Nature Valley be able to bowl a turkey, score a hat trick, and direct a fitting end to their trilogy of new 2016 cereals?
This box of Honey Oat Clusters holds the answer to that question. When I saw all three new Nature Valley Cereals, this one looked like the boring runt of the litter.
“It’s just a bootleg Honey Bunches of Oats,” said the youthful and ignorant Dan of two months ago. But after eating my first crunchy spoonful of this cereal, one thing has been made abundantly clear:
The Great Nut Pronunciation Civil War is in its darkest hour. The armies of “pih-cahn” are closing in on the forces of “pee-can.” There was once a small tribe of heretics who insisted it was “pee-khan,” but they were quickly laughed off the battlefield.
Both sides have been assaulted, both have been “a salted,” and the wise delegate Mr. Peanut refuses to mediate. But there is one things both camps can agree on.
Maple syrup glazed pecans taste really, really freaking good.
That being said, would Sweet House Farm’s Maple Pecan Granola be tasty enough to make peace between these fighters? To save our future world from being split in two like peanuts from their shell, I decided to find out. Continue reading →
Whether it’s an engagement ring, the One Ring to rule them all, or that darn videotape from The Ring, every so often an object enters your life and changes it forever.
For me, this object wasn’t a ring, but receiving it did make my mouth form into a perfectly round, gasping ring. That’s right: it’s a box of Marshmallows Only Lucky Charms. One of only 10 in existence.
Alright, alright. I should back up a bit. Let’s Tarantino this story before I tear into this mythic box. Continue reading →
You put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up Put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up Put a lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up
More beautiful musical poetry has never been written. Aside from making us existentially reconsider the frivolity of our corporeal existences, that song also makes me think about two flavors that are grossly underrepresented on cereal shelves. I mentioned last week how little attention blueberry gets in cereal, but lime and coconut get even less.
Now that Trix has ditched artificial flavors, we’ve lost the only lime cereal pieces I can think of. And with lime Skittles forever replaced by awful green apple, it’s a hard time to be a lime fan. Maybe once we all start getting scurvy, cereal companies will amp up the green citrus.
Coconut doesn’t have it much better. Sure, there’s a little coconut in Cracklin’ Oat Bran, and Cap’n Crunch’s cereal bits may be swimming in coconut oil, but ever since Honey Bunches of Oats Tropical Blends Mango Coconut was discontinued, we’ve had no way to get a good bowl of coconut flakes in the morning.
Well, besides lucky Canadians, who still have Cinnamon Coconut Cheerios Plus. And I suppose any Hawaiian could just grab a cheese grater and a ladder.
But now all of that is changing. The second of two new Special K Nourish varieties, Coconut Cranberry Almond teases game-changing coconut flavor, along with a smorgasbord of other taste sensations. Let’s see how it stacks up. Continue reading →
From cereal to oatmeal, muesli, cookies, fruit thingies, crackers, waffles, and even pizza, the products available from the grain-loving folks at Kashi are spread all over the map like grocery store Carmen Sandiegos.
So while Kashi’s cereal usually gets the most buzz, it’s worth sharing the attention with some of the brands more interesting options for morning sustenance. And speaking of buzz, this one’s got a lot of honey.
One of four “Plant-Powered Bars,” Honey Pecan Baklava joins the ranks of Dark Chocolate Cashew Chia, Salted Dark Chocolate & Nuts, and Peanut Hemp Crunch.
I like to imagine these four Plant Power Bars forming a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles-esque team of vigilante crimefighters when the grocery store closes at night.
I won’t serve you a heaping bowlful of words here, either. I promise to keep this review conveniently snack-sized. It might be a stretch to even call this a “breakfast review,” but hey: they’re in the cereal aisle. And when’s the last time you saw the word “baklava” next to your Cap’n Crunch?
