Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Cocoa Puffs (Now With 50% More Real Cocoa)

That’s a bold claim, Cocoa Puffs.

I mean, you could’ve just said “now with more chocolatey taste!” or called the cereal “SUPER Cocoa Puffs,” but you chose to drop some hard stats on us. Exactly 50% more cocoa, eh? Alright, if you say so: I better go 50% more cuckoo for these.

And trust me, I have a pretty refined Cocoa Puffs palate. Cocoa Puffs is one of the first cereals I can remember eating as a young’n. Back in my early grade school days, I ate a bowl every single morning until I got sick of ’em. One day, in fact, I tried a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with chocolate milk instead of regular milk and got quite literally sick, diagnosed with a condition that doctors could classify only as “Chocolardiac Arrest.”

But what didn’t kill me only made me stronger, and now my taste buds are braced and ready to be blown away by a choco-bombshell. Are you ready, Cocoa Puffs?

En garde!

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cocoa puffs, general mills. 19 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Madagascar Cookie Dough-licious Oatmeal from MOM Brands

Confession time: I am an absolute cookie dough warrior.

I don’t even like baked chocolate chip cookies that much (oatmeal raisin has my heart), because I’d much rather eat an entire bowl of raw, doughy goodness than watch it all go to waste in an oven.

If I’m killed by salmonella some day, then you’ll know I died happy.

That’s why it saddens me to see virtually zero chocolate chip cookie dough representation in the cereal aisle. Sure, we have Cookie Crisp, but until General Mills creates a “Dough Ball Crisp” spin-off flavor, I won’t be satisfied.

Thankfully, oatmeal has Doughboys like me covered. As part of MOM (aka Malt-O-Meal) Brands’ recent Dreamworks movie revitalization line, we have Cookie Dough-licious oatmeal. This Madagascar branded oatmeal is one of three Dreamworks flavors, alongside Shrek‘s Ogre Apple Cinnamon and How to Train Your Dragon‘s Dragonberry.

Shrek’s too big of a meme, Dragonberry doesn’t actually contain any dragonfruit, and Madagascar already impressed me with its s’mores cereal, so it was a no brainer that I should pick this oatmeal over the others.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, malt-o-meal, movie cereals, non cereal, oatmeal. 2 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats

Strawberry season is nigh!

So while we wait for me to track down those new Strawberry Cheerios, while we wait a little longer for this summer’s Strawberry Tiny Toast, and while we wait even longer for Franken Berry to awaken from his 11 month hibernation, let’s start with a classic strawberry appetizer!

Kellogg’s Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats has been around for a long time. In fact, some historians claim this cereal predates the strawberry fruit itself.

We don’t take those historians very seriously.

But since Strawberry Mini-Wheats have long graced the breakfast aisle alongside compatriots like Blueberry, Maple Brown Sugar, and Original, they must be pretty darn good, right? Let’s revisit them and find out.

After all, I can’t resist any opportunity to lick hot pink frosting off of things. Somewhere out there is a veritable zoo of naked Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, kelloggs, mini-wheats, strawberry. 4 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Golden Grahams S’Mores Treats

It’s mid-April, and the last traces of winter are finally melting away. This means that summer, s’mores, subsequent spooky stories, and other things that start with “s” are on their way. So right after I track down that lying groundhog who predicted an early spring, I’m going to load up on graham crackers, chocolate bars, marshmallows, and first aid kits for inevitable 3rd degree burns caused by charred marshmallow magma.

But before I start up any campfires and make Smokey the Bear sweat nervously, I have to pre-game with as many s’mores favored snacks as possible. Last week I munched on the dreamy pillows of Krave S’Mores, so now it’s Golden Grahams’ turn.

Ordinarily, I could just add Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms marbits to a bowl of Golden Grahams and call it a day. But it’s an on-the-go kind of busy week, and I can’t carry around a portable torch to roast any marshmallows (I don’t have any angry mobs scheduled). Luckily, General Mills has me covered with Golden Grahams S’Mores Treats.

Will they be satisfying enough to make me postpone that angry mob appointment indefinitely? Enough fluff, let’s get right into the marshmallow fluff!

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cereal bar, general mills, golden grahams, s'mores. 3 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Krave S’Mores

So this is what Smorz died for?

Of course, Smorz was resurrected this January through some happy cereal voodoo, but times were darker before then. When Kellogg’s announced in 2013 that Smorz was being replaced by Krave S’Mores after 10 years as a fan favorite, tempers were more fiery than a misplaced campfire marshmallow. Smorz fans everywhere treated Krave S’Mores like the brother-murdering, ugly Uncle Claudius of the cereal aisle.

Krave in general has a dedicated camp who vocally dislike it, but as an equally vocal defender of the Krave brand, I felt the need to stand up for Krave S’Mores. When kids complained to their mothers in the cereal aisle, I flipped over shopping carts to send a message. When people spoke ill of Krave S’Mores petitions online, I “Rickrolled” every single one of them.

Okay, neither of these are true. But I did Rickroll myself once. Somehow.

But do Krave S’Mores deserve my “Pedro’s cousins from Napoleon Dynamite” levels of protection? Let’s risk it for the chocolatey marshmallow-filled biscuit and find out.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kelloggs, krave. 3 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts Gone Nutty! Frosted PB&J Strawberry

I’m glad you’re here! Hurry: put on my latest invention, the NostalgiGoggles 3000. We’ve got an important journey to take—a journey to your elementary school cafeteria!

*cue Sci-Fi whooshing noises, rainbow-colored swirling portals, Cacodemons, and other time travel imagery that doesn’t go over so well in text*

Phew, we made it. It’s the year [INSERT YOUR 3RD GRADE YEAR HERE] and the lunch bell has just gone off. Geography pop quizzes can’t get our spirits down when we have processed snacks and juice boxes on the way!

Our best friends all get in the hot lunch line with their crumpled dollar bills and milk money. We’re a little jealous, because today is Bosco Breadstick Day, but we’re still happy as we plunk down at our faux-wood paneled table, because Mom’s cryptic smile this morning told us she was packing something good.

Spilling our brown paper bags onto the table (which still smells strongly of the Lunch Lady’s Clorox wipes) the sight of PB&J Pop-Tarts makes our mouth water.

Who needs ooey-gooey cheese sticks when you can have ooey-gooey, oh-so-nutty pastries? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 7 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Sweet Home Farm Pumpkin Flax Granola

Pumpkin season might be over, but flax season has just begun! Get ready for Flax Spice Lattes, Flax-scented hand soap, and flax-o-lantern seed carving contests.

Okay, I definitely just made up “flax season” for the purposes of this review, but it makes sense. If we eat healthy things with flax in them now, when it’s time for summer barbecues and pool lounging, we can feel justified in going Kobayashi on a pack of hot dogs.

How does that old saying go? Oh yeah:

“April flax brings Lay’s Stax!”

Flax isn’t the most common things to find in the breakfast aisle, especially outside of Canada, but if you’re feeling the need for seed, Sweet Home Farm has you covered with their Pumpkin Flax granola.

I’m definitely going to try it: half because I want to, and half because my hand won’t fit any deeper into my can of Lay’s Stax.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, attune foods, granola, pumpkin, sweet home farm. Leave a comment

Mar. ’16

Review: Honey Nut M&M’s (Flavor Vote)

I know: these M&M’s are not a cereal.

And despite all the bowlfuls of M&M’s Minis I’ve sucked down over the years, M&M’s never have been a cereal, either.

But before you report me to the cops for reviewing something on this blog wholly unrelated to breakfast, hear me out. When I say “Honey Nut,” what’s the first snack you think of?

If you said anything but “Honey Nut Cheerios,” maybe those cops should be on the lookout for a pair of pants on fire instead. Yeah, yeah, there are other acceptable answers, like Honey Nut Shredded Wheat and Honey Nut Chex, but my point still stands:

Breakfast cereal runs the Honey Nut game, so a new Honey Nut M&M’s flavor should be legally considered a cereal, just like how pizza can legally be considered a vegetable.

Whether you agree with me or not, I’m gonna review these bad boys. And whether your eyes are ready for it or not, I’m even gonna try them with milk.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, honey, non cereal. 8 Comments