Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows

Welcome to Marshmallow Monday: a series I just invented that celebrates everyone’s favorite squishy sugar spheroids.

Mandatory Marshmallow Monday activities include playing games of Chubby Bunny, choking down pretzel marshmallow Jell-O dessert leftovers that have been in the freezer since last Thanksgiving, and sacrificing a flaming s’more to the box of Lucky Charms Marshmallows Only that sits above my fireplace.

Oh, and reviewing a marshmallow cereal, of course. Today’s is none other than Kellogg’s new Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows!

As you can see, Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows contain Frosted Flakes and marshmallows. As for the flavor, Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows tastes like Frosted Flakes…just with marshmallows.

Thank you for reading my review of Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows!

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Oh, fine: I’ll give it a closer look. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, frosted flakes, kelloggs, marshmallows. 4 Comments

Jun. ’16

Review: Trader Joe’s Mango O’s Cereal

I don’t know if I can trust you, Trader Joe.

For some reason, you chose not to pluck the literal low-hanging fruit and call your new mango cereal “Mang-O’s.” And I just don’t know if I can trust a man who doesn’t exploit every bad pun possible. It’s simply punacceptable.

But I’ll play along anyway, mostly because Trader Joe’s Mango O’s is one of very few mango cereals to ever exist. Outside of Peace Cereal’s Mango Peach Passion and the unfortunately discontinued Mango Coconut Honey Bunches of Oats, mango lovers have long been forced to eat something other than cereal for breakfast.

Like some kind of, I don’t know, fresh fruit or something?

But despair no more, mango maniacs, because Mango O’s are here to provide a breath of fresh air. Well, more like a breath of mango air that’s been sealed for a while in a plastic bag, but you get the idea. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, fruit, mango, trader joe's. 8 Comments

Jun. ’16

Review: General Mills Strawberry Tiny Toast and Blueberry Tiny Toast Cereals

The first toaster was invented in 1893.

The first fully functional bread slicer came in 1928.

And in 2016, General Mills released Tiny Toast cereal. Shortly after, bread historians declared a new era of toast prosperity: the Golden Brown Age.

You see, since Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn’t shaped like bread, and since French Toast isn’t made in a toaster, that makes Strawberry and Blueberry Tiny Toast the first truly toast-themed cereals ever made.

It’s hard to believe that Tiny Toast is also General Mills’ first new cereal brand in 15+ years. The only thing harder to believe is that humans had to slice bread by hand like barbarians in order to make toasty delight for 35 whole years.

But it’s true: GM’s last new brand was Harmony Cereal in 2001, a short-lived cereal marketed specifically for women. I’m glad that Tiny Toast is aimed at the much more universal audience of “bread lovers,” and as a self-professed “bread head” myself, I’m just as grateful that both flavors now sit in a bowl before me.

No more loafin’ around: let’s roll!

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, 9 rating, blueberry, general mills, strawberry. 11 Comments

Jun. ’16

Guest Review: Kellogg’s Froot Loops Cereal

I have a contentious relationship with change.

Change is what replaced the Saturday morning adventures of TJ Detweiler, Pepper Ann Pearson, and Doug Funny with 10-year-old infomercials for the NuWave Oven.

Change is what forced out totally believable, badass bad guys like Grand Moff Tarkin in favor of obnoxiously nasally Disney spinoff characters.

Change made McDonald’s French fries less irresistible, banished Oreo O’s to Korea (the good one), and turned fifth grade gym classes of army dodgeball into sixth grade gym classes of badminton. Bad-freaking-mittens.

I have a contentious relationship with change, especially when I’m holding up the line at the grocery store because I’m three pennies short of the $1.88 I need to buy a box of Froot Loops.

“Oh. Just take it.”

I grin at the pimply-faced high schooler behind the register at Weis. I have a strong desire to pull my resident old-man card and reminiscence on my own days working through that hell on earth we call “summer jobs,” but then again, I’ve already gotten my blast from the past for one day. Besides, no one wants to relive Kmart at $7.25 an hour. Trust me.

Modern man may have relegated the greatest cartoons of all time to fuzzy YouTube videos, but it’s good to know that Toucan Sam and Froot Loops still get a place on the endcaps of grocery store aisles. This is one cereal that I can count on, obnoxiously large beaked mascot and all.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, froot loops, kelloggs. 4 Comments

Jun. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Fruity Crisp Oreo Cookies

Cereal-stuffed, Fruity Pebble Oreos, baby!

Right, right: Nabisco’s new Fruity Crisp Oreos aren’t officially licensed Fruity Pebbles cookies, nor do they even say the word “cereal” on the front. But we all know “Fun, colorful rice crisps” is just Oreo’s way of keeping Fred and Barney from filing a lawsuit.

It’s like how Kellogg’s has “Cookies & Creme” Pop-Tarts, even though everyone and their cookie-dunking grandma calls them Oreo Pop-Tarts. In the eyes of me and Granny Cerealously, these are Fruity Pebble Oreos, so I’m going to review them like they’re cereal in circular, processed cookie form. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, fruity, non cereal, pebbles. 5 Comments

May. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Raisin & Honey Granola

I’m glad Raisin Bran Granola is here to keep me moving. No, not that kind of moving, though it does boast 24% of my daily recommended fiber per serving.

No, I mean moving moving. While I may look like a hip and spry youngster, as soon as I pour my morning bowl of Raisin Bran cereal and cup of coffee, I become about as old and slow as Benjamin Button was at my age.

Like a grandpa with his newspaper, I ponder every raisin like there’s a Nietszche quote written in its wrinkles.

But now that Kellogg’s has debuted two flavors of Raisin Bran Granola (this one and Cranberry Almond) in convenient on-the-go pouches, I feel obligated to leave my cereal bowl behind, go climb mountains, and gaze into abysses that will gaze also into me.

Dang it, Nietzsche: stop ruining breakfast! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, granola, kelloggs, raisin bran. 3 Comments

May. ’16

Review: Nature’s Path Organic Sunrise Crunchy Maple Cereal

I can’t resist a maple cereal, especially one that’s made with real maple syrup like Nature’s Path Organic’s gluten free Sunrise Crunchy Maple.

How much do I love maple syrup?

Well let’s just say that I would willingly abandon my human body if it meant transplanting my brain into a robot that runs on a syrup and oil mixture. Especially if that robot were a futuristic police android that patrols the Vermont-Canada border.

Can you tell I’ve thought a lot about this?

But I’ve been burned by some maple cereals in the past. They claimed to have bold maple flavor, when really they just tasted like a maple leaf briefly photosynthesized in their general direction.

I can’t resist the allure of that sticky tree sap for long, though. I’m willing to open my syrup encrusted heart once more for you, Sunrise Crunchy Maple. Don’t let me down. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, gluten free, maple, nature's path. 10 Comments

May. ’16

Review: Coffee Cereal — Original & Café Mocha

Now this is a fun one, cereal fans. I’ve been meaning to try Coffee Cereal for a long time: long before I even knew it actually existed.

See, back in high school, I was given one of those clichéd school projects, the kind you see Urkel and the Olsen twins struggle with on ’90s sitcoms. My challenge was to think of and prototype an invention, an invention no one had thought of before.

Since I ate cereal and drank coffee every morning (and ate lunch alone, probably because of the whole coffee snobbery), I had the genius idea of inventing a coffee cereal. I was all prepared to start designing “Cappuccin-O’s” boxes and rolling Cheerios in espresso powder, but then I found out that Coffee Cereal already exists, made by a small company in Missouri.

Into the metaphorical and literal trash my idea went.

Years later, I’ve finally gotten over my bitterness (though I still drink bitter coffee), and now I’m ready to review the real thing. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, 8 rating, coffee. 3 Comments