Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Lucky Charms with Mixed-Up Marshmallows Cereal

They taste exactly the same as normal Lucky Charms.

There. If you were wondering whether Lucky Charms’s new Mixed-Up Marshmallows have wacky flavors, there’s your answer. I won’t blame you if you leave the site now and go read Joyce’s Ulysses, watch Chocolate Rain for the thousandth time, or do whatever else the hip young kids are doing these days.

But if you want to stay, I’ll provide my thrilling theory behind this new cereal and a thoughtful ranking of which new marshmallows are the coolest.

Still with me? Let’s put on our tinfoil hats and munch multicolored marbits together! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, general mills, lucky charms. 5 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal

The box says “Family Size,” Dan, I tell myself. That means you shouldn’t eat all the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes by yourself.

But wait! the darker side of me says. Olive Garden says “when you’re here, you’re family,” so as long as I eat this whole box in an Olive Garden parking lot, there won’t be a problem!

So that, officer, is why I’m squatting behind this pasta-filled dumpster with a bowl full of crunchy, auburn-colored flakes. Would you care for a spoonful? You can be my court-appointed family. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cinnamon, frosted flakes, kelloggs. 19 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Cranberry Almond Raisin Bran Granola

You didn’t think I’d end Thanksgiving week without reviewing something at least tangentially related to Turkey Day, did you?

It’s true: the connection between Grandma’s homemade, Thanksgiving dinner cranberry sauce and Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Granola with Cranberries and Almonds is loose at best, but play along with me here. At least this granola won’t jiggle uncomfortably or come with a side of equally uncomfortable dinner table politics.

I reviewed the honey version of Raisin Bran Granola earlier this year, and I’d like to say I intentionally saved the cranberry kind for this thematically appropriate review, but the truth is that the first variety wasn’t particularly exciting or memorable. It just tasted like hyper-toasted, nearly burnt oats. Let’s see if its fruitier cousin shares a passion for dark meat. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, granola, kelloggs, raisin bran. 1 Comment

Nov. ’16

Classic Review: Post Raisin Bran Cereal

I’ve been on a long quest to review every raisin bran cereal imaginable, a quest so exhaustive that I bran out of “raisin bran” puns months ago.

Wait, guess I had one more in me.

Having travelled far, eaten a lot, and picked many raisins out of tricky tooth crevasses, it’s time for me to return again to raisin bran’s humble origins. Not all the way back—I’ve already reviewed the first raisin bran ever created—but still back to 1942, when Post Raisin Bran debuted in the same year as Kellogg’s Raisin Bran, a simultaneous release that I can only imagine ended in West Side Story-esque rivalries between street gangs loyal to each respective bran brand.

But is Post the Raisin Bran with the most, or does Kellogg’s smiling sun melt away the competition? Time to unsheathe my spoon, ready my dental floss, and find out. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, post, raisin bran. 23 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Quaker “Bring Your Best Bowl” Oatmeal Finalists

Wait, does this mean my “PB&J Oatmeal” idea got rejected?

And my “Double Stuf Oreo Oatmeal” idea, too? Even my “Neapolitan Oatmeal,” “Thanksgiving Leftovers Oatmeal,” and intentionally redundant “Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie Oatmeal” ideas? All thrown in the trash heap?

Okay fine, Quaker Oats guy, I’ll accept this criminal oversight, only because the flavor finalists in your user-submitted “Bring Your Best Bowl” contest sound pretty darn good. There were over 500,000 entries for the competition earlier this year, but only three tempting tastes remain: Vanilla Chai Oatmeal, Lemon Ricotta Pancake Oatmeal, and Apple Cheddar Rosemary Oatmeal.

To pick the winner, Quaker has slapped all three finalists into a single box. It’s up to us—the humble consumers—to try ’em and vote with our taste buds here: the winner will be “saved” on shelves. Since this is a game of oatmeal life or death, I figured I’d do my civic duty and eat three breakfasts in a day. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 7 rating, 8 rating, non cereal, oatmeal, quaker. 16 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (Printed Fun!)

Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts are symbolic of a centuries-old conflict.

See, in the battle for holiday cookie supremacy, gingerbread men and snickerdoodles are the obvious competitors. But as those two vie for kitchen counter dominance—as gingerbread men tragically lose their limbs and as the ‘doodles stop snickering—sugar cookies look on from afar, calm and Buddha-like.

Sugar cookies rarely get media spotlight—after all, they’re not shaped like adorable people or flecked with glittering cinnamon sugar. But sugar cookies are still annual staples for a good reason: they’re reliably delicious, and few would ever dare to debate that, lest they evoke the collective rage of a billion treat-baking grandmas.

This universal appeal is probably what made the late Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch (goodnight, sweet cereal prince) so widely beloved, and it’s what brings “Printed Fun” Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts back to shelves year after year. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, holiday, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 6 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Cinnamon Star Crunch Cereal from General Mills

A Eulogy for Sugar Cookie Crunch:

O Cookie! my Cookie! our sweet breakfasts are done,
My spoon is in the dishwasher rack, your “prize inside” was fun,
December’s near, Salvation Army bells I hear, the people’s stomachs rumbling,
While eyes scan the cereal aisle, the boxes plump and shining;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O this new bleeding box of red,
While in the trash my last Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch lies,
Eaten, empty, and dead.

Okay, I could easily go on for two more verses, fervently typing until my own fingers fall cold and dead, but I think it’s time to move on and face the facts. Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch was arguably the most revolutionary Holiday cereal in years, but after a two-year tenure on shelves, it has been unexpectedly replaced by Generals Mills’s new Cinnamon Star Crunch. My instinct is to remain pouty and cynical, but I’m going to take “the Grinch approach:”

When someone steals your annual present, sometimes you just have to sing anyway. So let’s carve into this box like it’s a roast beast.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, cinnamon, general mills, holiday, toast crunch. 13 Comments

Nov. ’16

Guest Review: Nestle Lion Cereal

Soooo: I’ve been in Copenhagen for a week for work and really had no chance to get very far out of the meeting venue and hotel meeting rooms for anything other than fancy dinners. But who the hell reading this site would care about that when such hotel isolation provides an opportunity to try a cereal that can’t be found on this side of the pond?

Obviously, I had to find a local grocery store to see Europe’s exclusive cereal options, and Lion Cereal is one I have seen in the past but never gave a go. My first thought was, “You know what really sucks about a chocolate and caramel cereal based on a candy bar? The answer is not one damn thing!“

I’m looking at you, Twix. The “candy bar cereal” ball is in your court now. Continue reading →

Posted by marc p.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, caramel, nestle. 5 Comments