Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Special K Caramel Nut Protein Bites

Why am I reviewing a product that’s decidedly not cereal, a Pop-Tart, or oatmeal?

I’ll answer that question with a question: why am I getting defensive about hypothetical questions that no one’s actually asking? The real reason I’m giving Special K’s new(ish) Caramel Nut Protein Bites a spotlighted review is because, after January’s firestorm of new cereals—which featured adaptations of every doughy delicacy from cookies to pancakes and back to cookies again—I’m struggling to fresh and relevant new products to write 700 excessive words about. If you see me reviewing Rice Chex next week, you’ll know I’m really spooning the bottom of the barrel.

Besides, when I scanned my Protein Bites, the check-out machine called them “KLLGG CERL.” So take that, imaginary critics! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, special k. Leave a comment

Feb. ’17

Review: Welch’s Strawberry Oatmeal Bar Baking Mix, from Betty Crocker

I’ve reviewed oatmeal before.

I’ve reviewed cereal bars before.

But not until today have the two joined forces for a tasty crossover that’s more satisfying than The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters, and The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour combined. You’ll notice that I’ve never reviewed granola bars, either. That’s because raw oats are simply one step of effort too far away from pipin’ hot oatmeal or Cracklin’ Oat Bran. In my eyes, it takes a microwave or a mill press to turn plain grains into breakfast.

So it’s time to grow up, granola bars, because oatmeal bars have everything you do—just with a lot more gumption. Oh, and in this case: oodles of strawberry jelly, too. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cereal bars, general mills, non cereal, oatmeal, strawberry. 9 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Reese’s Puffs Bunnies (Spring Edition)

Reese’s Puffs are a lot like Krave.

As I mentioned in my recent review, Krave is a cereal with nearly limitless potential for awesome flavor fillings, a potential that’s been largely (and tragically) unrealized in America while European Krave lets its freaky flavor flag fly.

General Mills’s iconic peanut butter puffs are the same way. As Reese’s candy division is stuffing Reese’s Pieces into Reese’s Cups, cramming peanuts into Reese’s Pieces, and (probably) distilling the ethereal essences of Mr. Peanut’s ghostly grandparents into Reese’s NutRageous bars, Reese’s Puffs cereal remains plain and unchanged. Outside of our sweetest nightly dreams, we’ve never seen Reese’s Puffs with Reese’s Pieces, Reese’s Puffs with Nougat & Nut Shavings, or even Chocolate PB&J Reese’s Puffs.

I’m not the only one who feels this way, either. One of my favorite YouTube gamers went on a recent Twitter tirade that inspired this intro:

Reese PB Puffs Ideas:
Dark Chocolate
White Chocolate
Peanut Butter Flavored Marshmallows
Banana Flavored Marshmallows
Cookies n Creme Bits

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) February 19, 2017

All I'm saying is
DO NO STAGNATE
Don't rest on your laurels and wait for others to catch up to you

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) February 19, 2017

The only thing that holds back cereal is preconceived notions of reality

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) February 19, 2017

No, instead of any of those great ideas, we get Reese’s Puffs Bunnies: the same cereal, now conveniently in the same bunny shape as Annie’s recent Bunnies cereals. My brain says, “Boo, that’s lazy!” but my inner child—whose heart is concentric with mine—says, “Ooh, I love cute lil rabbits!”

Fine, 8-year old Dan: let’s (begrudgingly) dig in. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills, holiday, reese's puffs. 7 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Krave Cereal (Now with More Chocolate!)

Krave sounds like the perfect vehicle for exciting, limited edition cereal flavors. Its semi-hollow, chocolate-striped biscuits could be filled with any number of wacky tastes.

Krave could pair the chocolate with a peanut butter ribbon, pipette some strawberry filling in there for Valentine’s Day, layer on some banana for Elvis Presley’s birthday, or heck: just dip every pillowy rectangle in fudge and sprinkles. I like to imagine that all these ideas even got brought up at Kellogg’s last marketing meeting…but then that one guy in the back of the room—you know, that guy— shouted above everyone else with his mouth full of the break room’s last doughnut:

“Hey why don’t we just add more chocolate?”

And this new “Now More Chocolate!” Krave was born. Somewhere across the Atlantic, Europeans are snickering at us over their bowls of Hazelnut, White Chocolate Brownie, and Choco Roulette Krave. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, krave. 5 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Kashi Chocolate Crunch Cereal

“Pshh, Kashi’s a health company. There’s no way their Chocolate Crunch cereal will pack enough chocolaty goodness to satisfy a certified chocoholic like me.”

Wrong!

“Oh, well, since they are a health company, surely Kashi’s Chocolate Crunch will contain satisfying, filling serving sizes.”

Wrong!

“Uh, at least there’s…surely no way I’ll plow through a whole box of Chocolate Crunch in one sitting and find myself on the floor, shamefully lying on my belly to hide the fudge stains on my overeager face!”

Wrong!

That’s three strikes, and you’re out. Please hang up your glove and hand over your Kashi Chocolate Crunch box to the proper authorities (i.e. my own hungry mitts). Despite Kashi’s reputation for clean, wholesome breakfasts, Chocolate Crunch is no minor league chocolate cereal. When it comes to cocoa-slathered goodness, this stuff hits harder than Babe Ruth wielding a king-sized Baby Ruth.

Don’t believe me? Join me in the dugout and we’ll dig into a box. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kashi. 4 Comments

Feb. ’17

Mini “Review:” Kellogg’s Chinese New Year Corn Flakes

“Cock-a-doodle-dude! That box looks so rad!”

That was my first reaction upon seeing this new Kellogg’s Chinese New Year Corn Flakes box, a limited edition print made to celebrate the Year of the Rooster. This reaction also explains why I’m inside folding a papercraft chicken instead of going to an actual party.

Since it is the Year of the Rooster (as of January 28th), it makes sense that Kellogg’s would give Cornelius, of all mascots, a simultaneously fresh and retro new look—though I would’ve loved to see Toucan Sam’s knowing beak adorned with ornamental gold flowers. See, Cornelius has been around since 1957, so this box also celebrates his 60th birthday. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, corn flakes, holiday, kelloggs. 6 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Banana Bread Shreddies Cereal (From Post Canada)

Canada’s immigration website is about to crash again.

No, that wasn’t a politically motivated prediction—this blog is non-partisan, except for when it comes to the S’Mores Jungle Party. I just think that America’s northern neighbors are about to see a whole lot more hungry tourists once word gets out about Post’s new Canada-exclusive Banana Bread Shreddies Cereal.

See, the U.S. has a tragic drought of banana-flavored cereals. Sure, we have plenty of Banana Republic stores and enough bad ukulele covers of Jack Johnson’s “Banana Pancakes” to fill an audiobook, but if we want banana in our cereal, it’s oatmeal, Great Grains Banana Nut Crunch, or nothing. All the great banana breakfasts of our time, from 1981’s Banana Frosted Flakes to last year’s Minions Banana Berry Cereal, have left us for the great jungle in the sky where all bananas go when they grow brown and mushy.

And speaking of brown bananas, we’ve never had a strictly banana bread-flavored cereal. The cozy flavor of Grandma’s kitchen seems perfect for a bite-sized breakfast, which is why these Banana Bread Shreddies are sure to pique the curiosity of humans, monkeys, and Raffis everywhere.

So let’s renew our passports and peel open a box of it. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, banana, canada, post. 8 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Disney Princess Cereal with Marshmallows

Is there anything more romantic than a bowlful of crunchy oat hearts?

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I recommend that you treat your something special to a magical—and dare I say, hearty—breakfast of heart-shaped Disney Princess Cereal, heart-shaped pancakes, heart-shaped egg-in-the-basket, and a glass of orange juice with a surprise handful of Conversation Hearts at the bottom.

Okay, that last one might be a bad idea. Unless you want your significant other tearing your heart out, Kali Ma-style.

Sorry if that introduction to Kellogg’s newest marshmallowy movie cereal felt forced. It was either that or three terrible verses of “A Bowl New World.” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, movie cereals, strawberry. 6 Comments