Category Archives: Reviews

Quick Review (x2): Kellogg’s Froot Loops & Frosted Flakes Cereal Bars

“Hop to it, wee one!” — Dotty, of Animal Crossing fame.

Ever since I read this quote in-game, it has played in my head during laborious moments of great urgency. And covering every new cereal hitting shelves this January, by the end of January? That’s no wee effort. Thus, I must get hopped up on sugar to review what I already have, as fast as I can.

Many a bowl’s work ahead of me, I’m starting with a straightforward new release. These Froot Loops & Frosted Flakes Cereal Bars are already out, but are they worth squaring off with at breakfast-time? I’ll make it clear: yes and no. That is, these Froot Loops Cereal Bars are wonderful, while the Frosted Flakes version leaves a lot to be desired. Allow me to elaborate: Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cereal bars, froot loops, frosted flakes, kellogg's. 2 Comments

Dec. ’20

Review: Sainsbury’s Mince Pie Wheats

Merry Post-Christmastime! May your day after be filled with contented lethargy, stocking stuffer candy snarfing, and cats rustling joyfully through bins of discarded wrapping paper.

Yet for bootstrapping cereal bloggers such as myself, the end of Christmas means I’ve got a mountain of cereal news and reviews to surmount. January is the biggest time of the year for new breakfast releases, and cereal company PR reps have been mailing me salvos of sweet stuff for the past few weeks. And while this may have been a serendipitous way to find boxes for all the gifts I gave, I still have enough cardboard clogging up my house to provide beds for twenty more cats than I already own.

By my cursory count, there are nearly two-dozen cereals in my kitchen, and while not all of them call for a blog article, I certainly have my work cut out for me. So before I dive into 2020’s best and brightest breakfast inductees, I want to ease in with a quick look at a U.K. exclusive that’s really bringing a snowy inn’s worth of cheer and innovation to this winter. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cinnamon, international, raisin. 1 Comment

Dec. ’20

Review: Raisin Bran Toasted Oats & Honey

Give me the opportunity to ideate a new Raisin Bran (Crunch or Otherwise) flavor, and I’ll come back to you with an annotated binder of possibilities, each obscure taste more convoluted and full of cultural callbacks than the last.

You give the ideas guys at Kellogg’s the same chance, and they’ll show you a million ways to change the stuff without really doing a whole lot of anything. Raisin Bran with Cranberries—a dried fruit tasting basically the same as raisins, but tougher to chew. Raisin Bran with Vanilla—they actively made the stuff worse with an overpowering, industrial vanilla veneer. Oh, and why not just chuck some bananas in there?

Wait, that one gets a pass. It at least calls back to every on-box proposed Raisin Bran serving of yore.

But this newest exhibition of nothingness is, at least conceptually, the most offensive of all. The ideological barrier between Kellogg’s Raisin Bran and Raisin Bran Crunch is thicker than a three-wide cluster of stuck-together bran flakes. The two cereals attract very different types of people. And while I respect regular Raisin Bran, it’s not for me. I love me some Crunchy bunches of honey-toasted granola—which is why it’s egregious that “Toasted Oats & Honey” is positioned here as a spinoff of plain ol’ Raisin Bran.

It should’ve been called Raisin Bran Crunch 2: Deliciously Deconstructed. Accurately allocating valor is important, Kellogg’s! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: honey, kellogg's, raisin bran. 3 Comments

Dec. ’20

Review: Elf on the Shelf Vanilla Candy Cane Cookie Crunch

You know those quasi-popular memes that contrast one’s grieving friends & family with the reality that one is in the underworld as Doomguy, looking for vengeance? Yeah, that’s gonna be me in the bowels of H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks, aiming to double-damn the infernal blight of the Elf on the Shelf. Of course, I’d never find him, since that well-hidden Elf resides either high in Satan’s castle or in some abstract negative space unreachable by human souls.

All that to say, I don’t like Elf on the Shelf. I don’t like his silent menace, his plasticine face, or his chaotic-neutral mischief. But since Elf on the Shelf Vanilla Candy Cane Cookie Crunch is one of only two new Holiday cereals this season, I’m obligated to give this wintertide rascal his due bloggerly diligence.

Because if I don’t, he’ll probably curse me into endlessly wandering his snowy pocket dimension’s gingerbread labyrinth. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: holiday, kellogg's, mint. 2 Comments

Dec. ’20

Quick Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Soft Baked Bars

When it comes to Quick Reviews on this blog, I have a sordid history: 98% of the time that I title a post “Quick Review,” I end up removing the word “Quick” after effortlessly coasting past the 500-word mark. But this time, with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Soft Baked Bars, I’m committed to making this, perhaps, my shortest review ever. Why? Let me give you a few quick reasons: Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cereal bars, cinnamon, general mills, non cereal, toast crunch. 1 Comment

Nov. ’20

Review: Froot Loops Candy Canes

Does anyone actually love candy canes? I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re irreplaceable symbols of the season, and they’re often tasty—especially the fruity ones. But is the humble candy cane anyone’s honest-to-goodness’-sake favorite wintertide treat? Growing up, I never sought candy canes out and really just got them from parades or school events. As a rough and tumble lad in East Michigan farm country, I was far too clumsy to keep said candy canes in my pocket without somehow shattering the brittle shepherd’s crooks into a million pieces. At that point, I’d rather have Pop Rocks.

Like I said, I prefer fruity to mint, so new Froot Loops Candy Canes start off on a more sympathetic foot compared to the cereal aisle’s first proper peppermint cereal. Both these candy canes and that new Elf on the Shelf cereal are hitting stores now. While I’ve yet to track down that wily sprite, I’m more than ready to see whether Toucan Sam’s sugared canes suck in the good or bad sense of the word. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: froot loops, holidays, non cereal. 1 Comment

Nov. ’20

Review: Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal

Who is the world’s most prolific artist? Paul McCartney? Phish? Viper?

Wrong.

It’s the Dame Diminutive Deborah, better known as Little Debbie. Not counting seasonal specialties like Christmas Tree Brownies, Football Brownies, Easter Egg Brownies and every other merrily malformed hunk of brownie batter, Little Debbie currently produces 47 different snacks. I’d guess the average person could only name a handful—the likes of Zebra Cakes, Star Crunch, Swiss Rolls and Cosmic Brownies—while grease-loving gas station regulars (picture me raising my own slick mitts as identification) could probably tell you about deeper cuts like Donut Sticks, Fudge Rounds, and Pecan Spinwheels.

Despite this sprawling cake-ography, when it came time for Kellogg’s and Little Debbie to drop a cereal, there was likely no doubt about which bite would join the breakfast bowl. None of the snacks I’ve listed even come close to the sugar-sandwiched icon that is the Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie. And I’m not just saying that because I grew up making my own double-decker Oatmeal Creme Pies (DIY is better: the official double-D OCPs are just a clever way to cut out half of the moist cookie middlin’).

No, an Oatmeal Creme Pie cereal has been a no-brainer for years. But now that it’s finally happened, can Little Debbie’s milk & spoon debut live up to decades of vacuum-sealed hype? Let’s unwrap Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal from the top. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cinnamon, kellogg's, oatmeal. 8 Comments

Nov. ’20

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cinnadust

How much Cinnadust is a single Cinnamon Toast Crunch square worth? What is the measure of a “Cinnamoji’s” life? How many of them do I hold in this cylinder of absurd magnitude? Is it really true? That all we are is Cinnadust in the wind?

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is making me think way too hard for something so redundantly simple. By almost any practical measure, Cinnadust has no reason to exist. Despite its considerable girth, at $5.48 this currently Sam’s Club exclusive Cinnadust is way more expensive than grabbing a small spice jar and a 10lb bag of Domino granulated—which, given the sweetness of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, is pretty much the right ratio.

But maybe it tastes better than just cinnamon sugar, right? Maybe Cinnadust is hiding some real magic in its “other natural flavors.” Maybe this mausoleum-sized flavor shaker was worth the brave squares it sacrificed.

…maybe. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cinnamon, general mills, non cereal, toast crunch. 1 Comment