Sorry for lacking excitement on this one, but Snickerdoodle Pop-Tarts, debuting this May, just seem…redundant? I mean, what will they be able to do that P-T’s deuteragonist Brown Sugar Cinnamon hasn’t been doing so iconically for decades? And why do the sprinkles look like petri dish cultures? And why does the snickerdoodle cookie on the packaging simultaneously look like a cookie and, from a warped perspective, a loaf of bread?
Lots of quibbles and questions here, and my complaints are surely arbitrary, but in a world where we’ve still never seen like, a Honey Pop-Tart, it is a little disappointing to see Kellogg’s re-tread old sweet-breaded territory. Oh well! We all know I’ll still be cramming my Tart-hole like a sentient VCR come May.
It seems whenever the cereal behemoth finally gets around to releasing a totally new cereal IP, they end up backtracking and lumping it in with an existing, already well-known cereal family. The highest profile case of this occurred with Tiny Toast, which, at the time, got a lot of publicity for being GM’s first truly new cereal brand in over a decade. However, a year later, Tiny Toast was, well, toast—and its two flavors became Strawberry and Blueberry Toast Crunch, both of which were discontinued not long after.
And now, this seems to be happening again, at least in some sense. Remember Fillows? The extremely dense and decadent filled pillow duo from 2019 which also got axed before releasing new flavors? Well, it appears they may be back, albeit with much more prominent cross-branding with existing General Mills properties.
The above photo of two Crispy & Creamy Filled Bites cereals comes courtesy of Michael B., from a Hy-Vee in Minneapolis that is apparently a test store for General Mills—which makes sense, given that’s where the corporation is headquartered. As a test item, it’s therefore unclear when these Filled Bites might hit stores nationwide, nor is it guaranteed that they’ll even get a conventional release at all.
Either way, I sure hope they do. I thought Fillows were criminally underrated as an uber-indulgent dessert cereal, and any cereal that gives Golden Grahams the spinoff respect it deserves is a must-try in my book. What do you think? Which would you try first?
Wow-wee, golly-gee! Changing the color and flavor of milk? You mean the thing every single cereal ever does?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally excited for these new Frosted Flakes flavors. I just think it’s a little silly that in-milk alchemy is the principle selling point, since unless your cereal is changing the milk an entirely different color from the cereal pieces themselves, the flavor and pigment infusion of endmilk is pretty much an expected feature at this point.
Rather, it’s the actual Frosted Flavors here that have piqued my interest. Sure, Chocolate Frosted Flakes are far from new, but it seems Kellogg’s is aiming to improve the formula, calling it “better than ever, with traditional corn flakes, sweet cocoa and vanilla flavor.” As far as I know, the titillating promise of vanilla is new here.
The real interesting ones are Strawberry Milkshake, packing “a ripe and juicy strawberry flavor coupled with rich, creamy notes,” and Cinnamon French Toast: “the perfect combination of caramelized brown sugar and maple syrup flavor with warm cinnamon spice on golden toasted corn flakes.”
Though simply sugared Frosted Flakes don’t immediately strike me as the ideal vessel for such nuanced flavors, I’m intrigued enough to check give this whole tasty triumvirate a try when it hit shelves in May.
Ever since the likes of Nutella and Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter kicked off a brief “dessert spread” fad like a decade ago, I’ve yearned for those two spreads in particular to get their own breakfast cereals. And although there was a creamy hazelnut cereal released overseas, it seems my dream is no closer to actualization—especially now that General Mills is inversely turning a cereal into a spread, instead!
Launching this month, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Creamy Cinnamon Spread packs all the swirled cinnamon sugar goodness of those crazy squares into a slightly more viscous method of delivery. Much like CTC’s Cinnadust, I have no clue what I would use a whole jar of Creamy Cinnamon Spread for, but unlike the ‘dust, I would have no qualms about spooning this spread straight up (and quickly falling into a blissful cinna-tonic state).
Smoothies? Literal Cinnamon Toast Crunch toast? CTC&J sandwiches? Let me know in the comments what you would use this spread for.
Y’know that scene in The Office where a quietly approaching Angela startles the $#!+ out of Dwight?
Yeah, that’s basically me and National Cereal Day. Every year, without fail, I forget it’s coming until the last minute—I mean, whose bright idea was it to put the holiday on a date as unassuming as March 7th?
That’s a purely rhetorical question, mind you, because National Cereal Day is historically a holiday with frustratingly nebulous origins. I’ve researched a number of obscure retro cereal topics, but no such searches have been at fruitless as my attempts to find out when, why, and through whom 3/7 was crunchfully commemorated. Rather, it’s always just seemed like an annual excuse for every cereal’s social media accounts to pop off with like….another picture of their cereal.
In short, National Cereal Day is like the overly commercialized Valentine’s Day of notable cereal dates (for me, the Christmas is the variable June date of the Battle Creek Cereal City Festival, which is finally returning this year!).
Therefore I rarely do any grand posts or gestures, instead celebrating privately with a big bowl of The Best Stuff (Trader Joe’s Raisin Bran Clusters with lactose-free milk). I’d also like to take this chance to catch you up on a bunch of new cereal news tidbits that’re both too tiddy and too bitty to warrant their own blog posts. It’s the seventh of March, so let’s do it up right with seven bite-sized blurbs—my own little offerings to National Cereal Day. Continue reading →
How ironic: this cereal news has turned my brain into scrambled eggs.
Seriously, I thought General Mills’ recent Cinnamoji Toast Crunch news was so steeped in modern cultural lingo and touchstones that it could be a cognitohazard weaponized by time travelers, but if you showed Pebbles’ latest launch to, say, a Bedrock-era caveman, you’d be more likely to kickstart an esoteric new religion.
But let me try to explain it anyway. Apparently, LeBron James has loved Pebbles cereal since he was a kid, so he’s teamed up with Post and Nike for a new color variant of not-so-new Magic Fruity Pebbles (which taste just like normal Fruity Pebbles, by the way). This cereal includes a coupon for 20% off any one item on Nike.com, as well as a chance to win the star of the promo: a pair of Nike’s LeBron James 19 Low Magic Fruity PEBBLES™ sneakers.
These sneakers are where the real high strangeness kicks off. Not only do they have an image of the red & yellow Magic Pebbles textured onto them, but the shoes, like the cereal, also have a special color-changing technology that I’ll just let the PR folks explain:
“The real magic is the new 19 Low’s Photochromic DCS Technology where the shoe’s airbag uses the power of the sun’s UV light to transition a completely clear Air unit to a purple colorway. This first-time collaboration between Fruity PEBBLES x LeBron means fans everywhere can unlock two colorways, both on and off the court.”
Ope, now I think my scrambled brain’s been burnt into the cast iron pan that is my skull.
Whether or not it’s capable for mere human minds to fully grasp the breadth of this promo, I have to admit the shoes are pretty cool. I’m no baller—not basket, base, or foot, at least. Maybe goof.—but I’d love to wear a pair to like, the grocery store, so I can further cement my status as the most uneasily eager weirdo in the cereal aisle.
Finally, finally: a licensed cereal willing to do at least the very bare minimum to relevantly connect its composition to the property it’s promoting. I mean, a Sonic the Hedgehog cereal…shaped like golden rings! Not since Buddy the Elf’s syrup-slathered slop have we seen such a thoughtful not entirely thoughtless movie cereal.
Sure, a cereal based on the Blue Blur could’ve gone for a slightly more inspired flavor—blue raspberry and cherry Sonic Popsicle flavored clusters, anyone?—but at least honey-flavored rings are better than some bland birthday cake or vapid vanilla. And sure, the marbits could be shaped a little more lovingly—the green Chaos Emeralds I get, while the blue ones “representing Sonic swirling around” are a little iffy—but I’m ready to call this upcoming release a red-sneakered step in the right direction (and hopefully the Genesis of a new, tastier era for movie cereals).
Interestingly, this isn’t Sonic’s first foray into the breakfast aisle. From appearing on Honey Nut Cheerios boxes alongside Buzz the Bee to getting a FunkOs variant, an odd Golden Rings promo seemingly sent only to journalists, and…whatever this one is, Sonic is well travelled at the breakfast table, but this is his first time headlining a mainstream supermarket cereal.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 will hit theaters this April 8th, while Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal will hit stores in March.
Woof. I think I’ve typed the phrase “Toast Crunch” enough times in the past month that my fingers are starting to develop tastefully swirled auburn calluses.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I can only stand to see its namesake flavor blasted on so many products in such a short time before those three words start to lose all meaning. Heck, I’ve long since stopped seeing “cinnamon toast” as an actual breakfast confection people enjoy on its own—let alone the entirely absurd likes of “Frosted Toast” and “Apple Pie Toast.”
But now, General Mills is making “Toast Crunch” mean even less than ever, with an extensive new line of “Cinnamoji Toast Crunch” cereals. With a total of six different boxes already planned, this veritable cinn-ematic universe of cinnamon sugar is a little hard to parse, but I’ll try my best.
See, first of all, you’ve got the origin story: Cinnamoji Toast Crunch. The gimmick here is that, while CTC has long been known for having the swirled “taste you can see,” Cinnamoji Toast Crunch will have a taste that can see you, too, as they’ll feature little Cinnamoji faces baked into each piece.
However, that’s just the beginning, as Cinnamoji Toast Crunch will be joined by a number of other limited-edition boxes fronted by ‘moji likenesses of various celebrities I’ve never heard of…and SpongeBob? Snowboarder Chloe Kim will kick off the line with Chloe Toast Crunch, with releases to follow including:
SpongeBob SquarePants in Cinnamon Toast Crunch Squared – with a spatula fit for flipping patties or chowing down on a bowl of cereal
Professional football star Justin Jefferson in Griddy Toast Crunch – named after the iconic touchdown dance – with a custom Under Armour sweatshirt
Popular Urbano singer Manuel Turizo in Manuel Toast Crunch – with a flat-brimmed cap with Manuel’s Cinnamoji
Actress and Music Recording Artist Leslie Grace in Leslie Toast Crunch – debuting with a NEFF beanie embroidered with her Cinnamoji
Best of all, anyone can visit CinnamojiMe.com to enter for a chance to win a box of Cinnamoji Toast Crunch bearing your own name and likeness (additional entries can be earned by entering codes with participating cereal purchases). And as much as I’d rather see a brand new, unique Toast Crunch flavor—Gingerbread, Nutella, or PB&J Toast Crunch, hello??—boy would I still be satisfied to see a floppy purple pompadoured Cinnamoji on the front of a Dan Toast Crunch.
