Image via Walmart

I just don’t understand the obsession with Santa Claus.

Yeah, yeah, I get it: ‘cap on head, suit that’s red; special night, beard that’s white,’ and all that holly jolly jazz. But he comes every year, without fail, on the same day! Where’s the excitement in that?

Everyone knows true mythological icons don’t show their secret selves on any regular schedule. If they did, we’d all have chupacabras hatching from our Easter eggs. No, the true holiday legends appear when you least suspect them—whether that means a collision course with Macy’s Sonic the Hedgehog balloon, a goaty hug from Krampus, or an unexpected visit from Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch

To uninitiated taste buds, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch may sound like a merry meal at best, or an overly sweet slop at worst. But for those of us who tried these twinklingly dusted squares during their illustrious two-year run know that it’s something more: a wonderful collision of buttery cookie dough and a box of powdered donuts (perhaps a herald of what’s to come?), all topped with a blizzard of flaky vanilla icing

The cereal has high cult appeal, and for two years now, many have eagerly awaited its return. Each December, we set aside our palate differences in support of two common goals: restore the spirit of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch, and crush any alleged substitute into stardust.

And it seems this year we’ve finally brute-forced our way onto the nice list, because new art for Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch has appeared on Walmart’s site. The cereal isn’t available yet—as it shouldn’t be; my porch pumpkins haven’t even begun their slow disintegration yet!—but the very gift of its possible presence is enough to have me happily crunching through the autumn leaves—in anticipation of crunching something better.

So thank you to Hillary H. for the tip on these, and my appreciation to all who made their love for Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch heard. Now, would you mind redirecting that energy to help push General Mills’ gumdrop buttons about a Gingerbread Toast Crunch?

I wouldn’t even mind if it were in Churro form!

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn4l0xtnPkJ/?taken-by=markie_devo

Oof, there are so many emojis available to express my reaction to Reese’s Puffs Hearts, the latest in the brand’s series of “same flavor, different surface area” varieties. I need to choose my pixelated emotions carefully.

The twinkling euphoria of 💖 definitely feels right, but so does the transcendent multiplicity of 💕 and 💞. ❣️ and 💝 are too forward. And 💘? What is this, a Kindergarten Valentine’s card exchange?

No, for news this delicious, I have to choose something universally accessible, whether it’s on an iPhone XS or a Jitterbug XL. <3 is overdone, so I’ll go with this:

Shoutout to Cerealously’s frequently contributing pal @markie_devo for his discovery of what may just be the first major Valentine’s Day Cereal—though not the first ever. I hope this paves the way for more hearty cereals, perhaps even one that’s flavored for the Hallmark holiday. Perhaps a Box of Chocolates Cereal, where every other bite is mint or coconut?

Or maybe…hear me out on this one: Envelope Glue Loops. Gotta lick ’em all!

As Markie says, we can expect to these hearts pumped out to shelves in early 2019. Until then, feel free to show our Submissions page some love if you see a new cereal of your own!