Category Archives: News

News: Cheerios Oat Crunch – Oats ‘N Honey Cereal!

New Oats 'N Honey Cheerios Oat Crunch Cereal Box

Forget Star Wars and assorted superheroes: this is the most-anticipated sequel of 2019.

For many moons now, Cinnamon Cheerios Oat Crunch has been a sleeper hit amongst wizened breakfasters—in fact, it’s tied with Chocolate Peanut Butter for the title of my favorite Cheerio variety currently on shelves. With the kind of crispety crunchiness that could earn a lawsuit from Butterfinger, the Cheerios Oat Crunch lineage was practically begging for a breath of fresh heirs—the flavor potential is pretty much endless.

And now, over a year later, we’re finally getting a new taste. While it may be the most obvious variety the folks behind Honey Nut Cheerios could do, and while it’s pretty oat-vertly redundant in concept, the only thing I can fault Oats ‘N Honey Cheerios Oat Crunch for is its questionable use of a single apostrophized capital N in lieu of just about any other symbolic or textual conjuration of the word “and.”

(I get it, it’s technically grammatically acceptable, but flanking one side and not the other really has me peev’d.)

But hey, I break writing conventions by the bowlful, so I should stay excited for what may be 2019’s brightly honeyed dark horse—which has already been spotted on shelves!

News: Coffee Mate Cinnamon Toast Crunch Coffee Creamer

New Coffee Mate Cinnamon Toast Crunch Coffee Creamer Cereal

Ignore the Funfetti—on this blog, we’re about done with generically vanilla-flavored things for a while.

Coffee 👏 creamer 👏 should have  👏 a built-in 👏 straw.

Or at least a strapped-in cereal straw.

As my comfort with consuming crude coffee creamer over cereal has only been emboldened by this blog, I’m worried that by the time I get my misty palms on a tankard of Cinnamon Toast Crunch coffee creamer, I’ll be fine with thoughtlessly transferring it into a Big Gulp cup.

General Mills is teaming up with Coffee Mate for this one, though it remains unclear how different CTC coffee creamer will be from, you know, any other cinnamon coffee creamer. It’s very much the same situation we just faced with Market Pantry Cereal Bowl Ice Cream, which ended up bringing in gingerbread vibes out of the leftmost corn & rice field, so I wouldn’t put it past General Mills to somehow make this coffee creamer taste like liquefied cookie butter…or liquefied regular butter.

If you find Cinnamon Toast Crunch coffee creamer, let us know what you think of it in the comments!

News: Eggo Cereal Officially Returns in Maple & Blueberry

Official Kellogg's Maple Eggo Cereal Review

Could you imagine if there was a new Super Smash Bros. game, and the first characters they announced were like, Birdo, Tingle and Doshin the Giant? And then two months later they drop a cryptic trailer confirming that Mario will be playable this time around?

Yeah, that was the kind of anachronistic vibe I got when news of Blueberry Eggo Cereal dropped some time ago, not long after Eggo got the necessary 10,000 retweets to bring the cereal back. Sure, blueberry and maple is fun, but a) Cap’n Crunch already dropped a passable combo like that, and b) the world has been lost in a haze of log-cabin fever for too long now, after the unjust and untimely death of Waffle Crisp.

See you, griddled cowboy ;__;

Continue reading

News: Magic Spoon Seasonal Cereal Flavors

Magic Spoon Holiday Seasonal Cereal Flavors

The holiday season and healthiness are forever at odds.

On one hand, we have Thanksgiving foods like stuffing, sweet potato casserole, and all manner of gravy-glazed paraphernalia. And in the other hand, I have about two-dozen sugar cookies.

Look, it’s not the holiday season if you aren’t double-fisting and and doubling your fitting size.

But while most of us will be poppin’ buttons ’til we pop the last bottle on New Year’s Eve, Magic Spoon wants to make autumnal–winter flavor a little less embiggening.

If you recall, I reviewed Magic Spoon’s core four flavors not too long ago, deeming the brand, by and large, the most flavorful option for cereal lovers looking for a cereal with specifically streamlined nutritional info. Sure, it’s comparatively expensive and tastes like biomedically fortified Swole Cereal, but as long as you don’t expect a Lucky Charms or Cocoa Puffs, Magic Spoon delivers on its high protein, low carb promises.

And while many of these premium cereal startups tend to stick to a few flavors—as breakfast entrepreneurship is no doubt difficult when competing with billion-dollar brands—Magic Spoon has launched two new flavors to go toe-to-cloves-to-bowtie with the likes of Pumpkin Spice Cheerios and Boo Berry. Sure, blueberry and pumpkin are both familiar cereal aisle flavors by this point, but the addition of chai into the Pumpkin Chai variety is what really has my mind reeling like a barista trying to remember the components of a Pennywise Frappuccino.

You see this, General Mills? You just gonna let them corner the chai cereal market? Sounds like if you don’t drop a Chai-nnamon Toast Crunch sometime soon, you might be Magic-ally out of business. Just my perspective, at least.

Toast or not toast, you can buy a four-pack of these flavors on Magic Spoon’s website.

News: Hershey Kisses Cereal and Trolls Trix with Marshmallows

New Hershey's Kisses Cereal & Trolls Trix with Marshmallows

Never before has a new cereal pairing sounded so much like a Cosmopolitan quiz.

Are you a Kiss, or a Troll? We can tell you in one question

And that question would be something along the lines of:

If you could pick a sexy location for making whoopie, which would you choose:

A) The bathroom at a fancy fondue joint
B) Under a dumpy bridge

No matter your alignment, I think it’s tough to be upset with either of General Mills’ two upcoming cereals—which we know about thanks entirely to @sega_retro_revival. Continue reading

News: Kellogg’s Frozen II Cereal

Kellogg's Frozen II Cereal

Let’s be real: if you’ve been keeping up with the cereal trend that’s been pushing me over the edge of polite and bloggerly cereal fanboyism toward the turgid wastelands of frustration and Snickerless un-me-ness, you might know what meme I plan to end this blurb with.

Yes, Kellogg’s keeps releasing boring cereals. They’re either fake-fruity loops or, well, they’re Frozen II Cereal: another licensed Lucky Charms knock-off that’s the exact same thing as Frozen Cereal, but with a new box. There are bland oat pieces. There are white snowballs and blue something-or-others. The point is, I didn’t expect anything more from a movie cereal, but I was at least hoping for a reason to review it. I’m sure there’s a young Frozen fan in your life who will demand this cereal with icy determination, but you might be better off dicing up some grocery store carrot cake and tossing it into a bowl of Donettes.

Now, to fulfill my promise:

News: Kellogg’s Elf on the Shelf Cereal, Ryan’s World Cereal & Llama Loops

Kellogg's Elf on the Shelf Cereal Ryan's World Llama Loops

Oh, Kellogg’s. Are you a mercenary now? A contract cereal killer? Blink twice if you’re embroiled too deep in a dark web conspiracy.

Look, I’ve already whined about and refused to further dine on Kellogg’s generic sugar loop cereal epidemic, but these three upcoming Kellogg’s releases suggest there’s a bigger problem: (sugar) cookie cutter partnerships. I know, I know, lazy movie cereals have been a breakfast trend since the Forced death of original ideas like C-3POs, but now that Kellogg’s jumped the Baby Shark, it seems the floodgates have been opened for other shadily proprietary entities to easily buy (or be bought for, who knows) their own blasé breakfasts. Continue reading

Coming Soon: Three New Rice Krispies Treats!

Caramel Snap Crackle Poppers Rice Krispies Treats

That teal…that shade of uniquely aquamaritime teal.

It’s not too late to mend your heretical misdoings, Kellogg’s, and to put this color on this product makes my heart snap, my joints pop, and my stomach crackle with rage.

Err, that last one might’ve been the spicy tikka masala, but my vitriol stands. Yes, I’m talking about the original, perfectly poised and turquoised Rice Krispies Treats Cereal box, which is the cornerstone of my (largely intact) theory that all cereals in teal boxes are bound for greatness, or at least cult appeal. Sprinkle Spangles. Cinnabon Cereal. Cinnamon Roll Fillows. And even Toasted Coconut Cheerios now. The only outlier here is Maple Bacon Donuts Cereal and its putridly glazed porkiness, but I choose to willfully ignore it—after all, it was a clear, anarchistic gimmick of a cereal that was likely tailor made to send my pet theories to a farm upstate. Continue reading