Author Archives: dan g.

15

Sep. ’22

News: Reese’s Big Cups with Reese’s Puffs

New Reese's Big Cups with Reese's Puffs

When it comes to cereal brands, Reese’s Puffs is a weird one. Despite the interminable innovation of its forerunning parent candy—and despite the deep potential for flavor infusions like white chocolate, marshmallow, or honey—Reese’s Puffs rarely experiences any bombastic feats of gastro-engineering. Just new shapes and….debatably legitimate remote-controlled boats?

Well luckily, Big Reese seems to have noticed its lil breakfast brudder forever resting on its corn-puffed laurels and is offering the cereal a chance to let loose for once, with a joyous joyride inside its own belly.

Yes, thanks to Snackolator, we now know that Reese’s Big Cups with Reese’s Puffs will be hitting shelves on November 11th. And just as 11 + 11 = ’22, I think the math here is equally logical: one delightful candy plus one iconic cereal is sure to equal a crispy-creamy, momentously mouthwatering success.

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24

Aug. ’22

News: Kellogg’s Insta-Bowls

new-kelloggs-instabowls

Finally, I can leave my hip flask of 2% at home and enjoy cereal & milk on the go, with just a little H2O!

For the better part of the 2010s, a struggling cereal industry seemed convinced that the source of their woes were highly mobile professionals who didn’t have time to sit down and enjoy a meticulously milked bowl of crunchy stuff—so they tried everything from cereal shakes to pouched snacking cereals in an attempt to keep cereal top of mind and stomach alike.

That kind of failed, to be honest, and now that working from home is much more common, on-the-go cereal innovation seems to have stalled, with most companies pivoting toward the idea of cereal as a nostalgic anytime indulgence. But that apparently hasn’t stopped Kellogg’s from attempting one more alchemical metamorphosis to make breakfast a malleably mobile meal.

Introducing Kellogg’s Insta-Bowls: debuting in Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks, Froot Loops, and Raisin Bran Crunch varieties, these little cups contain both cereal and powdered milk, so all you have to do is add water, stir, and you’ll theoretically have a complete bowl of cereal with milk—without having to leave a half gallon of milk in your hot car with the window cracked and its favorite tunes playing.

Will these Insta-Bowls be good? It’s too soon to tell, but I’ll be interested to give them a shot. It’s just a shame these don’t come with little telescoping utensils, too, so while an Insta-Bowl is more convenient, I’ll still have to keep a secret spoon sheathed in my belt loop like Napoleon Dynamite’s thrifted sai.

Special thanks to reader Laura for tipping me off about these!

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11

Aug. ’22

Review: CinnaFuego Toast Crunch

CinnaFuego Toast Crunch Review - Pouch

Well, here I stand. On the precipice of hitherto untouched territory, gripping the first-ever spicy cereal with quivering mitts, like I’m Neo about to take my own personal red pill (y’know, before that term was irretrievably tarnished).

But will this precipice be a mere waypoint preceding cereal innovation’s newest pinnacle? Or the edge of a steep cliff that drops off into the fiery pits of Hell?

Allow me to find out, as your sacrificial scout. Your dauntless Dante. Your cinna-guinea pig.

Here goes nothing: one giant leap for Dan-kind. Continue reading →

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28

Jul. ’22

News: CinnaFuego Toast Crunch

New CinnaFuego Toast Crunch

“And Big Cereal wept, seeing as they had no more worlds to conquer…”

Well, they’ve finally done it: the big bad breakfast barons have made a spicy cereal. Of course, sweet is a well-covered cereal territory, while salty, sour, and umami have likewise been covered. So with the release of this flamin’ hot CinnaFuego Toast Crunch, I suppose the final frontier would be a bitter Black Licorice Cereal….but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

But I digress—and hesitantly digest. Releasing August 12th, CinnaFuego Toast Crunch will be exclusive to both Walmart.com and 5.9oz pouches. It’s basically the same Cinnadust-slathered squares you know and love to inhale, but with the addition of an intimidatingly nebulous “spicy pepper” ingredient.

I look forward to doing a live taste-test on a Hot Ones edition of The Empty Bowl….

 

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21

Jul. ’22

News: Another Cereal News Round-Up!

New Nutty Buddy Cereal

Just as the world keeps spinning, the new cereal world keeps on spooning—whether or not I’m able to keep up with it! Here’s a quick look at the big headlines that’ve cropped up (get it, because…grains?) these past couple weeks.

First up we have the obvious headliner above. For awhile, I’ve wondered whether Little Debbie and Kellogg’s would expand their line of snack cake-inspired cereals that started with Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal and Cosmic Brownies Cereal—and if so, which of Deb’s iconic processed goodies would get the spotlight next.

Now, thanks to @steelbookobsessed on Instagram, we have the likely answer. While it’s still in the unconfirmed sampling phase, Nutty Buddy Cereal seems like a smart choice, and hopefully one that will evolve the shallow cocoa powdery taste of the Cosmic Brownies Cereal. Yes, CBC was pretty mediocre and sparsely flavored, while OCP was an agreeable, heavily powdered cinna–molasses affair, so there’s no telling where Nutty Buddy may land on that continuum.

One thing’s for sure, though: the pieces look like (fittingly dairy-ready) Milk Bones. Continue reading →

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13

Jul. ’22

News: Frute Brute’s 2022 Return

Frute Brute 2022

Are you hungry like the wolf yet?

No? Well you’d better start huffing, puffing, and ruining some porcine architecture, because by the time this Halloween rolls around, our dearly departed Monster Cereal Frute Brute will be back on shelves with a cherry-flavored vengeance. Not counting his half-hearted marbit cameo in last year’s Monster Mash Cereal, it’s been almost 10 years since we last saw this ’70s cereal icon get his own spotlight spooky-time cereal.

And I’m so excited, I don’t even care that the cereal will still be corn-based, and that Brute’s only been reanimated as part of a Monsters x KAWS promo contest. KAWS is an artist and designer known for parodying pop culture icons and putting Xs over their eyes. He’s already gotten his own Reese’s Puffs box, so this General Mills collab isn’t a total surprise. The full nature of the Monsters promo isn’t clear yet, either, except that you’ll be able to enter to win a KAWS prize on the (not yet live) site kawsmonsters.com.

The other thing that’s abundantly (and abominably) clear is that Fruity Yummy Mummy, Frute Brute’s ’80s Monster Cereal counterpart, is no where to be found in this KAWS campaign. As someone who prefers both Yummy Mummy’s design and orange flavor to Frute Brute’s (it’s too similar to Franken Berry), I’m disappointed, but hey: I’ll take the fan service I can get in this lifetime. Maybe next year, Mummy.

The above Monster Cereal variety 4-pack should be hitting Sam’s Club stores any day now, while individual boxes at major retailers will soon follow as summer wanes. Let’s just hope hypebeast scalpers don’t poach our big bad wolf entirely off shelves before the rest of us can grab a box.

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12

Jul. ’22

Bite-Sized Reviews: DC’s Strong Berry Cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Rolls, and Bath & Body Works Rainbow Cereal Soap

*Jean-Ralphio voice*

I’m the woooorst!

Folks, I’ll admit: between my day job, other writing projects, and the *gestures vaguely at everything*, I still haven’t really been feeling the long-form blogging bug for the past couple months. But that doesn’t mean I’ve been slouching on new cereal news and taste tests. On both The Empty Bowl and my Twitter, I still regularly share my thoughts on everything new and crunchy (and in this case, soapy) at the breakfast table.

Here are a few of my recent itty-bitty breakdowns. Stay tuned for more (and hopefully lengthier) content soon!

 

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04

Jul. ’22

News: Apple Jacks Nickelodeon Green Slime Cereal

New Nickelodeon Green Slime Apple Jacks Cereal

What could be more patriotic than saluting a bowl of emerald ooze? Grilling a T(urquoise)-bone steak with seafoaming juices? Squelching the last chartreuse dregs of Shrek-edition Heinz EZ Squirt on a peridot dog? However you celebrate, I hope your Independence Day doesn’t end without a heartily viscous display of slime, sludge, or otherwise slurry.

Sorry if all my imagery is making you green around the gills: I’m simply so excited that Kellogg’s and Nickelodeon are teaming up for a green slime edition of Apple Jacks. Bafflingly, this isn’t even the first Nickelodeon Slime Cereal to ever exist. General Mills did one too back in the early 2000s—back when Nickelodeon’s cultural impact was far more pervasive, and the threat of getting serendipitously slimed whilst going about one’s daily business was a serious one indeed.

Aside from the obvious benefit of turning your milk green, these upcoming Apple Jacks also come in a bold “Green Apple Flavor.” This may sound strange, since it’s already called Apple Jacks, but for many years Apple Jacks didn’t even contain apple ingredients and was merely a cinnamon cereal. Recent reformulations have amended this, but I think most can admit that when eating AJ, it’s usually cinnamon that leads the palate-pleasing charge. So I’m excited to taste what an ardently sour apple’d edition of Apple Jacks like this Nickelodeon Slime one will taste like.

If there’s any good left in this world, I will be left both puckered and giddily repulsed by the slimy, limey (at least in color) spectacle before me.

 

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