Author Archives: dan g.

Review: Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX (Corn Pops, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops & Apple Jacks!)

Kellogg's JUMBO SNAX Review Snackable Cereal

Yes, pictured are the complete contents of one of each JUMBO SNAX 0.45oz pouch.

Look out, Frosted Honey Bunches of Oats—you’ve got an usurper approaching your throne of supreme cereal unnecessity. If you thought “Honey Bunches with 66% rather than 33% of its constituent components glazed in sugar” was silly, meet Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX: four classic cereals enlarged so they’re…more…snackable?

Ah yes, of all the issues plaguing breakfast cereal, my main concern is that the darn stuff keeps slipping through the sieve of sausages I call fingers. I can’t tell you how many thriving ecosystems of microorganisms I’ve nourished beneath stadium bleachers where lost Loops go to be resorbed by Earth’s foundations.

But sorry, mosses who’ve evolved to masticate: no more free rides! This boy has enough JUMBO SNAX pouches to strap a bandolier with Jacked-Up Jacks and Weapons-Grade Caramel Corn.

So now that I’ll have no trouble doing so, let’s articulate the nuances of each variety. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: apple jacks, caramel, corn pops, froot loops, frosted flakes, kellogg's. 3 Comments

Apr. ’20

The Empty Bowl Episodes Twenty-Seven Through Twenty-Nine: The Cereal Caretakers

Fitting time for a meditative cereal podcast, no?

Despite having more time for mindless sugar-munchin’ than ever, I’ll admit it’s been a bit tough for me to focus on bloggerly duties—especially as quarantine’s made it difficult to stake out and take in new products from the supermarket. Likewise, I’ve apparently forgotten to share the debut of The Empty Bowl’s latest three episodes. So if you’re one of likely few-to-none who wait for me to post here before listening, I’m sorry for needlessly withholding these 90+ minutes of cumulatively calming content.

But the milky-silver lining here is that now you can listen to me and Justin delicately describe new breakfast happenings for the duration of a feature-length film. You’re even welcome to visualize the experience with an in-bowl diorama of your own—I call being an Oreo O!

In our newest episode, we explore the nuances promised by Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX, say dozens and dozens of words about Peeps, and peel back the foil on decades of toasted oddities.

If you find yourself with just a few more hours to fill with something Empty, you can find more episodes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but I’d rather read them than eat a forty-year-old preserved pizza pastry.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: empty bowl. 2 Comments

Mar. ’20

Review: Froot Loops Peeps Pop + Pancakes & Syrup

It’s a product no one asked for.

A product no one could’ve imagined.

Heck, a product whose name no one but that shell-peddling West Coast Sally could even pronounce.

Froot Loops Peeps Pops [repeat x4].

Now, I’m not saying cereal-flavored Peeps are a bad idea—such a thing has been rumored for a good while now. But I’m also not saying that Peeps are a good idea. Like, at all. I’m not repulsed by the things like a lot of, ugh, my peeps, but you’d be marshmallowy-soft-pressed to find me eating more than one and a half of the things at a time, as the latter chomped chick hindquarters slowly caulks my mouth closed. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: easter, froot loops, kellogg's, non cereao. Leave a comment

Mar. ’20

News: Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX Cereal Snacks

Ever love the palate-shredding power of coarsely serrated grain so much that you wish you could just swing a full medieval mace of the stuff at your mouth’s roof, instead of chewing a few dozen caltrops?

Well boy, do the makers of Morningstar have a product for you!

Despite the threat to inter-oral integrity they may pose for eager eaters, Kellogg’s new JUMBO SNAX form an exciting quartet of familiar cereal flavors enlarged to both show and taste texture. Arriving this May, these cereal snacks will come in both individual, 0.45oz packets and big honkin’ resealable 6oz suckers. With this, Kellogg’s becomes the third Big Cereal company to sell Big Cereal, paving the way for Post to close the circle with what I can only assume will be called ” Oreo OMG’s.”

But let’s talk about the four Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX soon to be available. Of these, Froot Loops and Apple Jacks seem the most straightforward in their adaptation of ancestral cereal sizing. Though it seems interesting that there are no green loops present on the Apple Jacks’ packaging, which, if that holds true for the crunchy hula hoops inside, we may be getting a limited palette of Froot-by-the-Foot-sized Loops, too.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: apple jacks, corn pops, froot loops, frosted flakes, kellogg's, news. Leave a comment

Mar. ’20

News: Lucky Charms with Honey Clovers!

Just picture it:

After enduring enough reality-deforming Herculean labors to leave a Hydra’s heads spinning, you’ve finally got your calloused mitts on Lucky the Leprechaun’s pot of gold! With great care, you hoist it—boy this thing’s heavy—out of whatever hidey-ho—oh no.

It was full of honey.

And now you’re slathered in it.

And said hidey-hole is starting to look and sound like a hibernation hole.

I mean, can you blame Lucky for going to such carnivorous lengths to hide his new Lucky Charms with Honey Clovers cereal? News of this apian addition to the Charms family was leaked—slowly and viscously—by Cereal Life on Instagram (thanks for sharing!). While the very suggestion of uniting Lucky Charms with Honey Nut Cheerios is exciting, what’s really got me confident about this stuff’s quality is a single word on the above box.

No, not honey itself, but oat.

Whereas the likes of Chocolate & Fruity Lucky Charms were inexplicably defiled with a corn flour base, Honey Lucky Charms appears to keep with the cereal’s most based base grain. With that in mind, I’d happily endure a hundred stings to get my paws on a box of this stuff early. But until then, I guess I’ll just drizzle real honey on my leftover St. Paddy’s Day Charms.

It’s a welcome change from my maple syrup mainstay condiment, after all.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, honey, lucky charms. 1 Comment

Mar. ’20

News: Chocolatey Churro & SpongeBob Pop-Tarts!

You know, I’m really starting to think this Sponged Robert character might take off. I mean look at him: he’s the epitome of glee, teaches kids basic geometry, and I’ve never even seen him do a Fortnite dance yet!

Maybe he belongs beside Mario at the virtual Olympics.

All Fry Cook Games aside, Nickelodeon & Kellogg’s licensed push for SpongeBob’s upcoming Sponge on the Run movie is continuing its run of admittedly uninspired breakfast tie-ins with these Sea Berry Pop-Tarts, already listed on Walmart.com. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, cinnamon, kellogg's, movie cereals, pop-tarts, raspberry. 1 Comment

Mar. ’20

News: Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts Bites

Ceeee-le-brate meh times, c’mon!

Just as every bootleg Chuck E. Cheese birthday party—what, you’ve never been to Buck G. Brie?—is bound to be punctuated by a cake so paradoxically full of empty sweetness and frosted typos, so too is a Pop-Tarts gala destined for the apex of adequacy.

Following three successful Pop-Tarts Bites launches that run a rich flavor gamut of Strawberry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon, and Chocolatey Fudge, Kellogg’s is commemorating the occasion not with a fan-favorite taste like S’Mores or Wild Berry, but with…Confetti Cake. As a former grocery store bakery worker, let me earnestly say this:

What a load of sheet.

Look, I’m not saying Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts Bites will be bad, but if recent caked-on breakfast products are any indication, this is just an excuse to dump sugar, vanilla and maybe buttercream into a churning cauldron and call it a day.

Even more perplexing are the naming conventions within the Pop-Tarts Bites sub-brand. Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts became Chocolatey Fudge Bites, and now Confetti Cupcake Pop-Tarts are simply Confetti Cake Bites. Is this an accidental oversight, or am I meant to believe that these teeny pastries contain more concerted cake flavor than a Tart five times their size?

Either way, we’ll find out soon when Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts Bites drop and I end up eating them by the cupful.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: birthday cake, kellogg's, news, pop-tarts. Leave a comment

Mar. ’20

News: Caramel Apple Jacks are Coming Soon!

It might not look like it, but the above cereal is historic.

See, in the entire history of Apple Jacks, there has never been a limited-edition flavor that isn’t, well, apple or cinnamon—and marshmallows don’t count either. Instead, just about every “new” Apple Jacks variant introduces a new shape—some more sublimely strange than others, but most ending up inexplicably dyed blue.

Which is why Kellogg’s new Caramel Apple Jacks promise to bring a breath of freshly preserved air to the brand. Reportedly releasing this June. In a surprising bout of geometric consistency, Apple Jacks didn’t even try to shape these green-replacing sienna hoops into like, half-melted Werthers cubes, or even a blue rutabaga (you know, just because).

For a cereal that’s never really tasted much like apples, it will be interesting to see whether Caramel Apple Jacks are another one-note wonder, or if their sticky sweetness will be worth bobbing into a tub of milk for.

I, for one, hope the back of the box at least includes a recipe for fermenting Apple Jacks cereal dust into a fine, caramelized cider.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: apple jacks, caramel, kellogg's, news. 4 Comments