Author Archives: dan g.

29

Jan. ’21

Review: Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats

New Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats Review Box

BRB, changing the name of my site to Curmudgeonously.

Why? Because the longer I write about cereal, the harder it gets for a new cereal to excite me. Don’t get me wrong, my heart still yearns and burns (figuratively) for cereal, but after reviewing 450+ breakfast products, the next plain ol’ chocolate, vanilla, or cinnamon-flavored cereal has to do a lot different to capture my attention. At a certain point, my trusty cartful of adjectives starts to get stale.

That was my mindset going into this newest flavor of Frosted Mini-Wheats. Not that Cinnamon Roll is really new territory for the brand. There were Cinnamon Streusel Mini-Wheats in 2007, and Cinnamon Roll Little Bites in 2012. The only thing 2021’s Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats have that the others don’t is….a kinda ugly box. The grey-blue is uninspiring, the cinnamon roll watermarks make it look like an off-brand DUPLO, and, well, I’ve already voiced my distaste for the redesigned Mini-Wheats mascot many times.

But all hesitations notwithstanding, I must go into this review unbiased. Even if I want to punt the mascot with a pair of steel-toed boots. Continue reading →

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26

Jan. ’21

Review: Dunkaroos Cereal

New Dunkaroos Cereal Review - Box

When it comes to Saturday mornings and cartoons, cereal is the undisputed king of whimsical childhood nostalgia. But cereal isn’t just one thing. It’s a sesquicentennial constellation of countless different varieties, flavors, and mascots. That’s why it’s so impressive how Dunkaroos, a single snack consisting of vanilla cookies and rainbow frosting for dunking, has amassed about the same nostalgic clout as every cereal combined.

Seriously, look up any list of old comfort foods people want to save from discontinuation and Duncan the Kangaroo will be there in all his totally tubular glory. Of course, unless you’ve been living under the rock-hard mummified remains of vintage ’90s Dunkaroos frosting, you probably already know that Dunkaroos are back, and have been for almost a year now. As part of this Dunkaromantic revival, General Mills has also released Dunkaroos cookie dough, Dunkaroos yogurt, and more—like the confetti-infused cookie discs in the Dunkaroos Cereal I’m reviewing today.

I’ll be honest: I’m hesitant about this stuff to begin with. Vanilla and birthday/confetti cake flavors are notorious for leading to boring, one-note-sweet cereals. Pair that with how similar Dunkaroos looks to GM’s mediocre Funfetti Cereal, and you’ve got a recipe for molar-melting disappointment.

But hey, you never know ’til you dunk, right? Follow along as I go spoon deep. Continue reading →

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20

Jan. ’21

Review: Special K with Blueberries

New Special K with Blueberries Review Box

The fruit-to-artificial-imitation pipeline is really interesting to me. You’ve got fake flavors like green apple that, while not anything like eating a Granny Smith, at least sort of makes sense, as the artificial version still puckers one’s lips with hyped-up juiciness. But then you have the candied bananas, strawberries, and blueberries of the world. These range anywhere from “okay, I could see it, maybe in a sweet smoothie” to “why must humans play God?”

Blueberry is fascinating to me because, though I love Kellogg’s blueberry Fruity Snacks and Boo Berry, I’m not under any impression that those reflect reality. In all honesty, I’m not the biggest fan of plain blueberries. I’m much more of a strawberry fella, even (and especially) when it comes to jelly. Don’t even get me started on Grape PB&Js.

Oh man, I got so off topic there. The point is that the dried blueberries—something I’ve never had before—in Kellogg’s new Special K with Blueberries cereal strike an interesting balance between fresh and highly concentrated blueberry flavor. And they’re huge! Continue reading →

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15

Jan. ’21

Review: Chocolate Churro Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Chocolate Churro Cereal Review Box

What makes a good cereal shape? For the overwhelming most part, cereal pieces fall into three categories: puffs, flakes, and squares. Sure, there are plenty of exceptions, from your basic puffed rice to the geometric marvel that is the stuffed Krave pillow, but I don’t believe my palate’s ever encountered anything else quite like Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros.

While most of my cheers and jeers about this noodly cereal medium can be found in my original review for plain CTC Churros, they’re worth reiterating as I dive into this vaguely cylindrical Chocolate sequel. Continue reading →

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09

Jan. ’21

Review (x2): Chocolate Strawberry Cheeros & Multigrain Cheerios with Strawberries!

New Chocolate Strawberry Cheerios and Multigrain Cheerios with Strawberries Cereal Review - Boxes

Are strawberries anyone else’s favorite fruit? Don’t get me wrong, I love just about every fruit—pears can rot in the dry, mealy ground for all I care. But there’s something about the perfect pop-ability, late spring–early summer vibes, and shortcake satisfaction of strawberries. It doesn’t hurt that artificial strawberry is the best fake fruit flavor, too.

Seriously, if y’all got any pink Laffy Taffy laying around, chuck ’em in the general direction of Michigan.

Because I like strawberries so much, I will never turn down a new strawberry cereal. So when Cheerios introduced both Chocolate Strawberry and Multigrain with Strawberries varieties, I knew I had to tackle both in one straw-some ode of a review to my favorite, rosily plump fruit. After all, plain ol’ Strawberry Cheerios were amazing, so what could go wrong, right? Continue reading →

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08

Jan. ’21

News: Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts Return

New Lemon Groove Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts Box

Pink lemonade is the oddest concept to me—you’re saying most of the stuff just adds red food coloring to normal lemonade? And that it’s mostly just homemade versions that actually add strawberry, because most commercial versions just call it, you know, Strawberry Lemonade? Talk about disappointing. The best thing pink lemonade ever got me was a Princess Peach tip card cut from the back of a Pink Lemonade Hi-C juice box. This one, to be specific:

Hi-C Peach Tip Card

And now Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts are returning to reignite my pink lemonade delusions. Yes, Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts first came out in 2016. And they were pretty good, albeit a little weird. A sour Pop-Tart is a bit unconventional—and it’s a concept that can be done extremely poorly—but PL Pop-Tarts strike a fun balance of puckering and sweetening.

So while I have mixed feelings about pink lemonade as a concept, I’ll be glad to see these on shelves again, even if I am a bit sad Kellogg’s pivoted away from the vibrant pink frosting in favor of the “Printed Fun” designs that have become more common lately. Not that these are bad, but sometimes they can be printed on the pastry cruddily, making the whole thing look like a discount brand paper towel.

Oh well: whatever it takes to bring a little summer warmth to my cold Midwest winter. You can check for Pink Lemonade Pop-Tart availability near you on Walmart.com.

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07

Jan. ’21

News: Pebbles Cake Mix, Pebbles Crisps, & Chocolate Honeycomb

Duncan Hines Fruity Pebbles Cake Kit

It’s simple geology: you make Pebbles rain, I’m going to call it a rockslide.

Seriously, the deluge of new products Post is releasing to commemorate Pebbles’ 50th anniversary this year is nothing short of meteoric. Coffee creamer. Candy bars. Bunnies. Even a Birthday Cake Pebbles variety, which is a perfect segue into the Flintstone-fronted cereal’s latest announcement.

Despite its EPIC branding, this cake mix seems far simpler in execution. It’s actually just confetti cake mix with frosting and some Fruity Pebbles cereal to adorn your creation. Since I have a personal vendetta against confetti cakes, I can’t say I’m all that excited for this one, but if you need a quick and tasty way to bring color to your next birthday party, why not celebrate with Pebbles? Continue reading →

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05

Jan. ’21

Spooned & Spotted: Waffle Crisp Returns to the U.S.

Jeez, what a drama queen.

…is what I said to myself upon hearing the news that Waffle Crisp, discontinued in 2018, was returning to American shelves. Less than a week ago, I penned an overdramatic elegy for Waffle Crisp, believing I may have just taste tested one of the last produced boxes of the stuff in Mexico—where it seemingly never really got discontinued in the first place.

Honestly, it was a cathartic exercise of closure, and Post had to go ruin the moment’s beauty by pulling a deus ex machina, bagging up a bunch of Waffle Crisp, and shipping it out. I’m kidding, of course: I’m genuinely very excited that Waffle Crisp will have wide availability again. These bags have already been spotted at Walmart, and you can check their site for availability near you.

However, I will warn you that this newly returned Waffle Crisp appears to be the same as the Mexican edition—in fact, those didn’t even have Spanish boxes. Just stickers over the English text. What that means is, it’s probably gonna taste a bit different from what you remember. In my experience, this strain of Waffle Crisp emphasizes the buttery and toasted elements of a waffle more so than the maple bits. This is still good, mind you, but if your nostalgia trip feels a little off, that’s probably why.

My thanks to Cereal Life and Michael for the photographic evidence.

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