Author Archives: dan g.

News: Froot Loops Cereal Straws Return after 12 Years (Cocoa Krispies Straws, Too!)

Have you ever watched helplessly as your favorite breakfast product disappears from shelves, lost to the dark sea of indefinite corporate discontinuation? I’m sure most cereal fans have been there before—from Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tarts to Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch, I’ve certainly got my fair share of long-lost loves.

In this state of morning munchie mourning, you’ve probably thought, “I’ll start a petition to bring my fav back!” And while this is certainly an inspiring idea, it’s always been impossible to tell whether even the most popular cereal petition could successfully reanimate a dead product from its grainy graveyard.

Well, until now, because Kellogg’s has outright said that a fan petition to bring back Froot Loops Cereal Straws is exactly what’s making it happen. So there you have it: all you need to bring back a discontinued snack is 12 years and over 81,000 signatures.

Existing from around 2007–2009, Froot Loops Cereal Straws made a huge nostalgic impact in a short time. I’m not gonna say they were functionally the best breakfast innovation—the things are so fragile that a nearby sneezing bee could reduce each straw to shards and rubble—but these cereal straws were still so fun. From cereal milk to smoothies, everything was fair game to suck up with these suckers. Heck, I was even tempted to go to town on one of those shimmering rainbow oil puddles.

Froot Loops Cereal Straws, as well as Cocoa Krispies Cereal Straws, will return to shelves this October in 5, 18, and 24 count sizes. No word yet on whether Apple Jacks Cereal Straws, which also released over a decade ago, may return, too.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: froot loops, kellogg's, krispies. 1 Comment

Mar. ’21

News: Trix Treats Cereal Bars

T-T-T-Trix-ity Treat ya’self, before you…uh….cheat ya’self, out of a sweet new cereal bar from General Mills!

Now, Trix cereal bars are far from new. They’ve existed in several different shapes and ill-advised artificiality-free forms. So what’s unique about this newest version? Well, nothing, really. We’ve seen General Mills use this same dinky lil granola bar structure to Treat-ify every cereal from Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch to Honey Nut Cheerios and Reese’s Puffs. They taste fine, and usually do a pleasant job translating their namesake cereals into a more portably snackable form.

They’re just too darn small! They may be fine come October for giving to Trix or Treaters, but at *just* 16 bars a box, I’ll be Hungry Hungry Hippo’ing these faster than you can say “wait, you’re already done? I didn’t even think of anything to say…”

Trix Cereal Bars are out in stores now.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: cereal bars, general mills, news, trix. Leave a comment

Mar. ’21

Review: Three Wishes Fruity Cereal

Hope you’re ready to get buff enough to box Tony the Tiger—and fit enough to out-flex that show-off Special K logo—because I’ve got a whole bunch of healthy grown-up cereals backing up my review queue like an overdose of dietary fiber. I certainly don’t mind eating more sensible cereals—neither do my general practitioner and one-day descendants—but I’ll admit they’re a bit less fun to write about. If I can’t use this blog’s favorite adjective, buttery, then what’s the point?

That said, I’ve stated before how, out of all the Magic Spoons and Catalina Crunches of the world, Three Wishes is probably my favorite grown-up cereal brand—and certainly the most consistent. Besides their unflavored variant, which simply isn’t for me, the brand’s Honey, Cinnamon, and Cocoa versions are all solid and taste naturally sweet with few-to-none of the funky aftertastes that plague this grain-free cereal subgenre.

However, those flavors are small steps compared to the final frontier that is fruitiness. In my years of cereal journalism, I’ve found that fruitiness is far harder to deeply infuse into cereal pieces than something more straightforward, like cinnamon. As a result, the base cereal grain has a stronger palate presence, so if you’re eating a lazy, licensed corn-based fruit cereal, you’re gonna have a breakfast that’s as sucky as it is starchy. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: three wishes. Leave a comment

Mar. ’21

Review: Apple Pie LäraBar Cereal

Nine. From esotericism and enneagrams to The Beatles, it’s a number of power, a symbol of completion. But can nine ingredients alone complete an ambitious, expensive cereal?

Seriously, here are a couple other foreboding nines with an upside-down one in front: $6.99 for a box of LäraBar Cereal. I’m sure you, like me, are now thinking in your most Napoleon Dynamite-like inner voice, “that’s almost a dollar an ingredient!” When news first dropped about three LäraBar Cereals—Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip, Cashew Cookie, and Apple Pie here—I did not deem them worth driving off and paying for, especially since the similar-sounding and same-priced KIND Bar Cereals debuted to damning reviews.

But General Mills sent me a sampler of their early 2021 new releases, and it included today’s LäraBar Cereal flavor, so I might as well take it for a spoon. I am grateful, after all, even if the other two flavors sound more like my sugared bread & cocoa butter review fare.

Apple Pie LäraBar Cereal does indeed have only nine ingredients listed: whole grain oats, honey, rice, sunflower seeds, dried apples, almonds, coconut oil, sea salt, and cinnamon. Turns out, one of these ingredients ends up dominating 90% of Apple Pie LäraBar Cereal’s entire flavor profile. Can you guess which? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: apple, cinnamon, general mills. 1 Comment

Mar. ’21

News: Dulce de Leche Toast Crunch

Happy National Cereal Day! What better way to celebrate than with news of a sticky-sweet new Toast Crunch variety to tempt our taste buds?

All hail Cereal Life for this news, for he has once again risked the wrath of General Mills to leak one of their upcoming releases like it’s blueprints to the Death Star. New Dulce de Leche Toast Crunch—though it’s still in early sales sample phases, with an indefinite release window—looks absolutely lovely. It will be only the second ever American dulce de leche cereal, after Dulce de Leche Cheerios, which came and went nearly a decade ago.

If you’re like me and don’t know exactly what dulce de leche is, it’s really quite simple—and quite similar to caramel. Whereas caramel is made by slowly cooking down sugar and water, dulce de leche is made by cooking down sugar and milk. Which basically means that dulce de leche is caramel optimized for cereal. Dulce de Leche Toast Crunch is probably going to be amazing, and I hope more than anything it bodes well for the upcoming return of Peanut Butter Toast Crunch, my personal favorite of the TC family.

Again, happy National Cereal Day from Cerealously! I know I usually write something more substantial to celebrate, but with a lot going on in my life at the moment, I hope this good news is enough to whet your appetite.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, news, toast crunch. Leave a comment

Mar. ’21

News: Two New Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX!

Jumbold. Jumboo-yah. Jumbombastic!

With news of two more cereals getting the oversized snack pouch treatment, it seems Kellogg’s is going all in with their JUMBO SNAX (yes, the all-caps is mandatory) line. I’ll admit, I wasn’t overly impressed with the first quartet of big honkin’ Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, Frosted Flakes Tiger Paws and Caramel Corn Pops, but these latest announcements have me jumbouncing with anticipation.

Compared to those four cereals, Smorz and Cinnabon are B-Team Kellogg’s cereals. They rarely get the same attention when it comes to limited edition variants—in fact, neither Smorz nor Cinnabon has ever had a spinoff flavor. This isn’t because they taste bad. Far from it! Cinnabon brings a solid, balanced cinnamon–sugar sweetness, while Smorz’ graham puffs are top notch in pillowy texture and dense taste that distinguishes itself from s’mores cereals’ Golden Graham’d genre standard.

Hence why I think these JUMBO SNAX will be good, too, even if both cereals benefit more from milk than dry munching—meaning you shouldn’t let their on-the-go premise stop your from dumping JUMBO SNAX into a bowl. If there’s anything that leaves me hesitant about this duo it’s, a) Smorz’ decision to remove marshmallows, and b) the fact that so few JUMBO SNAX come in a pouch. But since these exist in the first place, JUMBO SNAX must be pretty popular, so I salute Kellogg’s for bringing Smorz and Cinnabon up from the minor leagues.

Expect to see both of these JUMBO SNAX in stores this April.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: cinnamon, kellogg's, s'mores. Leave a comment

Mar. ’21

News: Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks Mashups

Just look at this box art and tell me it doesn’t make you want a Kellogg’s All-Stars Battle Royale game. I’d totally main the Raisin Bran sun until they eventually have to nerf him for being celestially OP.

Dream brawlers aside, the second entry in Kellogg’s fighters pass of mashed-up cereals has been announced and it’s…a bit of a clunker. Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks isn’t exactly an innovative evolution from Frosted Flakes + Froot Loops. My personal new cereal hopes are frequently dashed, but I didn’t think it that unrealistic to expect Kellogg’s to try two totally different mix-ins this time around.

Like Corn Pops + Honey Smacks, maybe. Or Krave + Cocoa Krispies. Anything but Frosted Flakes again, since it adds very little to a two-cereal fusion. It basically just “Yes, and”s the other one’s sweetness, and that’s what I expect from Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks. It’s not often that I’m outright dismissive of a cereal from the get-go, but since this Mashup is about as predictable as a new cereal can be, Frosted Flakes + Apple Jacks is going to have to twist fate and unlock some arcane flavor magic to impress me.

If you need any more reasons to temper your appetite, here’re two: Shaq’s Frosted Flakes with Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs are already the exact same thing, with the added bonus of getting to say the phrase “Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs.” Not to mention how Cinnamon Frosted Flakes exist, yet neither this Mashup nor Shaq’s cereal makes use of them. Since Cinnamon Frosted Flakes and Apple Jacks have very different cinnamon interpretations, that could’ve actually been fun!

Oh well. By the way, if you want to play an actual cereal fighting game, Cereal Killaz is a cool indie project to consider helping fund!

When it comes out, I’m totally gonna pick Sonnie 2 Shanks and 1v1 a Kellogg’s marketing exec. Winner picks the next Mashup!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: apple jacks, frosted flakes, kellogg's, news. Leave a comment

Feb. ’21

Review: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Krave Cereal

Here’s a little fun fact for all you Bible fans—something King James won’t tell you. The original forbidden fruit? Oh, it wasn’t an apple. Nope, wasn’t a grape, a fig, or even one of Eden’s finest snozzberries, either. It was just a big ol’ hunk of raw cookie dough, hanging off the tree.

So God was like, “Hey now, don’t eat those, you could get sick!” But the serpent goes, “C’moooon, salmonella occurs in fewer than 1 out of 20,000 eggs!” Long story short, God had to kick Adam and Eve out of the garden because they kept vomiting everywhere.

Harsh, maybe, but you ever smell a burning puke bush? Terrible for heavenly PR.

Since then, fear of cookie dough consequences has rarely stopped anyone from indulging in this original sin-full sweetness. In fact, this carnal compulsion is so deeply human that companies have innovated all kinds of ways to manufacture, safe, edible cookie dough. Including this newest entry into the Krave franchise of cereals: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Krave.

Now I love Krave (unlike many, I know), and I adore chocolate chip cookie dough, so my expectations for this cereal are higher than the maximum preheat temperature on my oven. Plus, this is the first explicitly chocolate chip cookie dough cereal—the underrated Keebler Cereal comes closest—but if anyone can pull it off, it would be the brilliant Kelloggian minds behind Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: chocolate, kellogg's, krave. 1 Comment