Happy belated National Raisin Bran Cereal Day, everyone!
That’s right, yesterday, November 15 was dedicated to everyone’s favorite (and by “everyone,” I of course mean me and that weird guy who’s always hanging out behind the laundromat) type of cereal: the crunchy, fruity, and oftentimes cluster-packed combo that is raisin bran.
When the sun rose that beautiful morning, it was triumphantly holding two scoops. I sent out Raisin Bran Day greeting cards to all my friends (custom made; lousy Hallmark won’t recognize the holiday yet).
I bought presents for my colleagues (nothing brings a smile to someone’s face faster than a shoebox full of raisins and soggy flakes).
And I would’ve blown out the candles on a Raisin Bran Day cake, too, but the darn milk kept extinguishing the flame.
Okay, maybe none of that was true. But I did eat an embarrassingly large number of raisin bran-filled bowls. And while I’m paying for it this morning, I think it’s time to review another of the many raisin ban options available to all my fellow raisin ravers. Last week it was Trader Joe’s. Today?
Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters.
Pouring a bowl of this positively fiber blasted cereal, I was both disappointed at the raisin rarity (say that 5 times fast) and surprised at how flat and tan the flakes were. Usually, the flakes in raisin bran look like savage and ugly, war-torn wheat and bran battlefields, but these have the smooth, rounded profile of a spring break beach.
They’re also much more brittle and less crunchy than their brannier (wow, that’s actually a word!) counterparts. Because of their higher corn bran content, their flavor is predominately corn, with a touch of wheat and a hint of earthy oat. This combo of grain and veggies makes the cumulative taste feel like something straight out of Old McDonald’s kitchen. Thankfully, they do have a syrupy brown sugar glaze to sweeten the deal.
The raisins, unfortunately, are quite the sorry bunch (they must have literally come from a sorry bunch of grapes). They’re chewy, waxy little nuggets that seem to want to hibernate between your teeth for the rest of winter. Even their light, unsweet tangy flavor is hard to discern behind the combined power of Old McDonald’s harvesting combine of flaky flavor.
Finally, the clusters are odd little fellows. The black sheep of the raisin bran cluster family, their taste and texture is largely different than what I’m used to. Instead of pure oats, these are a hodge-podge mix of oats and rice. This makes them half chewy, half crackly (like Rice Krispies).
Their texture is nice, but the rice makes for an airier flavor. On the flip side, this means there is less of a dominating oat taste to mask the clusters’ pleasant honey sweetness.
Eating it all together with milk, the whole (grain) of this cereal is greater than the sum of its parts. Like bees, the flakes and clusters secrete their sugary and honey sweetness into the milk. The raisins, however, are more like wasps: they’re purposeless, they suck, and we’re going to ignore them.
Combining the levels of rich sweetness with the flakes’ wheat and corn profile, it’s still a wholesome experience; Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters won’t blow you away (okay, it might Colon Blow you away), but the honey alone is worth the money.
Wait a minute. This cereal pretty much already exists without the raisins. It’s called Fiber One Honey Clusters! In that case, there really isn’t much reason or raisin to choose this one over Honey Clusters, unless you’re the type of person who has the nickname Raisin Dan Crunch and therefore has a reputation to uphold.
Come to think of it, maybe I am that guy who hangs out behind the laundromat.
The Bowl: Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters
The Breakdown: Though the brown sugar and honey combo of flakes and clusters is good the frowny face-inducing raisins make this a subpar understudy to Fiber One Honey Clusters. This likely won’t be a regular purchase, but it’ll at least keep you…well, you know where I’m going with this.
The Bottom Line: 6 grizzled bran war commandos out of 10