Apologies for the in situ photos—wanted to taste them as close to received temperature as possible.
*Sighs*
*Chisels sedimentary crust from my eyes*
Alright, play the song.
Even though I’m still something-ing my way through my twenties, I’ve been making a lot of jokes lately about feeling old, especially the more I realize that today’s cereal game is far different than the one I grew up with. Whereas I had Chex Quest and Millsberry, today’s kids have color-changing cereal kicks and celebrities turned into cereal pieces that are also emojis. Cereal hasn’t gotten any more or less weird, mind you, just a different kind of weird.
And if there’s any cerebrally immersive church suitable for that newfangled high strangeness, it’s Crumbl Cookies.
As someone who’s not on TikTok (by deliberate design; I’d get nothing done), there are so many trends I just don’t know about. Ergo, the cult appeal of Crumbl Cookies has been totally lost on me this whole time. I just never knew it was a thing, let alone a thing with millions and millions of devoted fans who flock to Crumbl’s’s 300+ locations weekly to try the bakery’s new flavor rotations. In my head, the popular paradigm for buzzworthy desserts is still a serve-yourself froyo shoppe, which in reality is becoming an endangered species compared to Crumbl.
So there I am at my local Crumbl, wide-eyed, slack-jawed, and soul-awed, waiting in line behind a dozen people who are also waiting to try the brand’s four new cereal cookies—as another dozen employees scoop, roll, and bake the doughy discs in a pink-saturated open-concept kitchen. It’s all quite the spectacle—and reminds me of the bubblegum efficiency of Black Mirror’s Nosedive episode—even if I felt a little out of my element (I tend to have more of a salty than a sweet tooth, believe it or not, so I’m less apt to go out for treats and instead just have a bowl of cereal at home). I also admittedly received a voucher from Crumbl to review these cookies, so it was especially funny to see the cashier’s reaction to my coupon redemption, her seeming to think I was a hip TikTok influencer instead of a crusty millennial cereal blogger.
But that’s enough about the setting, let’s talk about the eating.
Okay, here’s the part where you’re gonna hate me—I dropped the ball my reviewing these cookies today, because tomorrow Crumbl will be taking them off their menu and rolling out a new batch of cookie flavors. So by the time you read this, you’ll like have between “a few” and “negative infinity” hours remaining to amble over to Crumbl and try ’em.
But hey, these cookies are largely worth the rush. My main criticism of the Crumbl Cereal Cookies overall would be the very varied temperature of each cookie. While later cookies were warmer, the Marshmallow Corn Flakes Cookie was just below room temperature. This isn’t really a problem for this cookie, since it’s actually less of a cookie than a gummed-together gob of cereal pieces, marshmallows, and several kinds of sweet golden sticky stuff. It’s really tasty, with a sweet caramel sauciness predominating.
More so than any of the other Crumbl Cereal Cookies (by far), the Marshmallow Corn Flakes one really utilizes its namesake cereal as a toothsome and transformative ingredient—even though I didn’t necessarily like it the most, since I was itching for a deeply doughy cookie texture rather than this crisp ‘n’ chewy combo.
The Bottom Line: 7 out of 10
This Reese’s Puffs one was the coldest of the four cookies, but I didn’t necessarily mind this as much as I did with the more tepid Marshmallow Corn Flakes (as a connoisseur of frozen chocolate Pop-Tarts myself). Quantity of cereal pieces notwithstanding, though, the Reese’s Puffs Cookie is one of the least “cereal-y” of the lot, as it tastes more like a traditional chocolate peanut butter cookie instead of anything with Reese’s Puffs corn puffiness and slight saltiness.
Yet the cookies still slaps. The frosting, while extremely soft, pliable, and face-mess-ening, has a great whipped peanut butteriness to it, and the base cookie is far more fudgy, rich, and dense than anything I’ve tasted in the cereal aisle. However, it’s a bit too decadent to tackle alone, as are all of these Crumbl Cookies, so I understand why everyone there was in parties of four or more.
The Bottom Line: 8 out of 10
Uncharacteristically for such a punchy cereal, the Fruity Pebbles Cookie is the subtlest of the four. Rather than making full use of the cereal’s ambiguously fruited tropical twist, the Fruit Pebbles Cookie instead primarily deals in citrus. Lemon, to be more specific.
The cereal topping imparts scant flavor and textural contrast. Rather, this is just a sweet and, in my case, actually warm, lemon cookie experience that was enjoyable and less cloying, but also a bit less memorable, than its boxmates.
The Bottom Line: 6.5 out of 10
The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Crumbl Cookie rounds out the batch, and this was the warmest, freshest baked cookie out of my four, for sure. This thing was so melty it was hard to grip, but of course this works in the cookie’s favor by having all the gritty, gooey cookie dough goodness I had left the house hoping for.
Like the Reese’s Puffs and Fruity Pebbles, this is less of a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cookie and more of a Cinnamon Cookie Kissed by Toast Crunch Cereal. With the brown sugary warmth and buttercreamy frosting, it reminds me of a ginger-less gingerbread man cookie, which is a compliment higher than Crumbl Cookie’s likely clientele after 10pm.
The Bottom Line: 8.5 out of 10
Overall, if you’ve got nothing to do tonight, go grab Crumbl Cookies’ new cereal quartet and veg out. They may not be the most immersively cereal-infused desserts ever, and they’re probably a bit too rich for all but the sturdiest sweet teeth, but the flavors are nevertheless creative and the deep-dish nature of the things makes for an indulgent novelty worthy of a Saturday night escapade.
Just be prepared to have your youth (or lack thereof) checked at the door.