“Hop to it, wee one!” — Dotty, of Animal Crossing fame.

Ever since I read this quote in-game, it has played in my head during laborious moments of great urgency. And covering every new cereal hitting shelves this January, by the end of January? That’s no wee effort. Thus, I must get hopped up on sugar to  review what I already have, as fast as I can.

Many a bowl’s work ahead of me, I’m starting with a straightforward new release. These Froot Loops & Frosted Flakes Cereal Bars are already out, but are they worth squaring off with at breakfast-time? I’ll make it clear: yes and no. That is, these Froot Loops Cereal Bars are wonderful, while the Frosted Flakes version leaves a lot to be desired. Allow me to elaborate:

Kellogg’s new Froot Loops Cereal Bars really taste like someone rolled up a whole big ol’ bowl of Froot Loops & milk, Katamari style. They remind me exactly of long-discontinued Froot Loops Cereal & Milk bars, which introduced the creamy condensed/coagulated/whatever milk goo that holds these bars together. While the texture of this gluey frosting is a bit strange, you won’t notice it, because the overall bar’s texture is way better. See, Kellogg’s didn’t just use regular Froot Loops pieces to make these bars.

No, they used miniature Froot Loops. Not only does a whole brick of mini-Loops have a nice mouthfeel, but something about the increased Froot surface area gives these bars an especially potent Froot Loop flavoring. They’re the polar opposite of the extremely featherweight Froot Loops Candy Canes. Which is all to say that these bars deliver on simple, delectable joy. Though tragically, the bars take only three bites at most to eat, and with only six in a box, you’ll have to buy a few packages if you want there to be any left by tomorrow morning.

The Bottom Line: 9 shotgunned candy tubes out of 10

Frosted Flakes Cereal Bars, on the other hand, can’t even be called disappointing. From the start, I’ve felt that giving Frosted Flakes its own cereal bar is like baking a cake in the shape of a travel mug—that is to say, making it more convenient won’t change the taste experience, given that it’s pretty one-note and sweet to begin with. Frosted Flakes are meant to taste like sugar and corn, and that’s about all you get out of these bars, too. There are faint notes of caramelized vanilla, but it tastes more artificial than ambrosial. At best, these are glorified Rice Krispies Treats.

Least they could’ve done was use Chocolate or Cinnamon Frosted Flakes to make these bars marginally more interesting, but as they stand, these seem like a wasted slot for a licensed cereal snack. It’s like turning the Sandbag from Smash Bros. into a full character!

The Bottom Line: 3.5 forgettable flakes out of 10