Shhh! Here: take these black robes and put them on. Just don’t make a sound.

Tiptoe around the maple-scented candles and gather round the Ouija Griddle.

Tonight, we’re going to try and summon Waffle Crisp from the grave.

…

…

Zounds! Foiled by Beelzegrub himself again! No matter how many boxes of Chicken & Waffles Cereal I sacrifice, the necromancers who dwell in the cursed ruins of Postopia never hear my cries. But all is not lost: my prayers have reached the GRRR-oaning orifices of the Kellogg’s Leviathan, who have rewarded my syrupy blood magics with two boxes of Eggo Cereal. All it took was 10,000 people to discard their souls and retweet the demands of their branded overlords.

But nevertheless, Eggo Cereal is back after 7 years spent in eggs-in-purgatory—in both Maple and Blueberry, at that. But is it a worthy successor to our dearly departed dark amber lord? Allow me to retrieve my devilish pitch-spork and find out.

Homestyle Maple Eggo Cereal Review

It’s like they always say: there’s no style like homestyle. Or at least, “Maple flavored Homestyle,” a disclaimer that very transparently reveals the artificiality of Eggo Cereal that most of us already assumed. As Marge would say, “he’s right, but he shouldn’t say it.”

Let’s get one thing out of the way first: Maple Eggo Cereal does not taste exactly like Waffle Crisp—but it’s pretty close. See, the maple flavor glazed on every checkered Eggo Cereal round is, by all intents and purposes, the same roasted golden sugar elixir that made Waffle Crisp so iconic from the moment its pancake’d perfume wafted out to cartoonishly caress your nostrils.

But while the flavor may be familiar, the execution is a touch clumsier. Whereas Waffle Crisp pieces were small and dense irregular cuboids, Eggo Cereal pieces are jumbologically airier, forcing the same amount of maple basting to cover more ce-real estate and overall crafting a lighter flavor. In fact, Eggo Cereal’s composition brings to mind a different cereal entirely: Honeycomb. With a crisp chew existing at the intersection of French Toast Crunch and Circus Peanuts, Maple Eggo Cereal is to Waffle Crisp as the Daily Jumble is to the New York Times Crossword.

Don’t let this dissuade you from buying the stuff, though: thanks to Eggo Cereal’s “wheat flour first” ingredient mentality, I like its base formula and coated flavor better than French Toast Crunch (whose corniness has fallen in my personal graces since I ecstatically gave it a perfect score so long ago), and if you enter the Eggo Cereal experience free of post-Waffle Crisp vitriol, you’ll find a quite pleasant Maple Honeycomb experience—one that’s obviously artificial but nonetheless mouthwatering with its candied approach to a toasted waffle. Likewise, its in-milk performance at least gives us the same buttermilky Waffle Crisp endmilk that’s worth carrying around in a vial hooked to a necklace (in case of emergency).

If anything, I wish Maple Eggo Cereal had more brown sugar or caramelized batter flavor, but such nuance feels like a bit much to expect from the likes of Kellogg’s and its apparent commitment to one-note wonders.

Oh well, maybe they’ll shrink Eggo Cereal if we hit 100,000 retweets.

The Bottom Line: 8.5 lost cultural memories of Malt-O-Meal French Toasters (the other best maple cereal that is no longer with us) out of 10

Blueberry Eggo Cereal Review

What is it with blueberry and maple that’s so enchanted the cereal industry? Was it blind Cap’n Competit’n that drew Kellogg’s to evoke the exact same maple-blended palette? Or is blueberry really the nation’s first choice for a buttery maple-encrusted waffle complement? I tried to find out, but it seems the world’s waffle academics are more concerned with the “influence of batter ingredients on sticking of waffles at baking plates.” Well thanks, poindexters—I could’ve told you that putting Eggo Cereal in your batter will glue the iron shut like a Goo-rdian Knot.

Despite my own waffle-topping preferences, Eggo chose Blueberry, so I guess I’ll have to roll with it. And speaking of waffle topping, I can quickly report that Blueberry Eggo Cereal does not top Maple Eggo Cereal, largely because it’s more of a blueberry cereal than a syrupy one. While that may sound like a duh moment, I was truly hoping for a more balanced and blessed union of two flavors here.

You know, the kind of wedding that leaves you crying the sappiest tears this side of the Vermont–Canada border.

Instead, the blueberry is very forward here, but fortunately it’s one of the better interpretations of blueberry taste out there. It’s pretty rich and as candied as its sister flavor, distancing itself from the fresher fruit pops of Blueberry Cheerios by appearing as those Os’ indulgently slovenly cousins. Thanks to the enriching accents of a light maple glazing, this is the blueberry compote whose heavy aftertaste lingers from the time you leave the local greasy spoon ’til the time you convince Mom to make pancakes for dinner, too.

Dry Blueberry Eggo Cereal may already be resolutely better at the maple-blueberry combo than Cap’n Crunch—after all, he’s a sailor, not a lumberjack—but in milk, this 1-2 punch-to-the-Crunch really comes alive in milk. The blueberry is allowed full sovereignty over the golden checkered rafts, while the maple nuance is freed like Willy, able to diffuse throughout the endmilk and benefit from the stuff’s viscosity to better craft the illusion that this is maple syrup flavor being added to a blueberry waffle, rather than being halfheartedly baked into (and behind) a true-blue Eggo.

Overall, this is a refreshing take on blueberry flavoring in cereal, but Blueberry Waffle Eggo Cereal doesn’t have as much ‘replay value’ as Maple-Flavored Homestyle, purely due to its incredibly specific flavor that can grow cloying or overly mouth-plastering over the course of a few bowls. But hey, Eggo: this revived Eggo Cereal line is very strong. Don’t let Blueberry stop you from giving Chocolate Chip Eggo Cereal a try.

The Bottom Line: 7.5 flapjacks of one trade out of 10