(Images via Kellogg’s)

Whether your stomach’s half full or half empty, there’s always more room to fill it with full-filling cupcakes. But if you’d rather circumvent common cupped and caked frustrations (why are my hands so oily? where do I put this damp, crumb-covered liner? why have we as a culture recognized Funfetti’s flavorlessly sweetened sovereignty?), then there are about to be two new and newly returned Pop-Tarts that’ll make your morning dessert a little less messy.

Let’s start with the returning flavor-ite. Confetti Cupcake Pop-Tarts left shelves in 2017, perhaps (and this is just speculation) due to increased seasonal competition from the similarly sweet Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts, whose cult following likely leads most seeking a vanilla-battered Pop-Tart to stockpile dozens of boxes ’til the following Yuletide.

Nevertheless, Confetti Cupcake is returning, and despite my jaded perspective on Funfetti, this Pop-Tart does a much better job of dunking on the Dough Boy’s flagship formula. It has stronger pops of vanilla, as well as custardy undertones and crisper sprinkles to boot. But whether it holds up in my memory after two winters’ worth of Sugar Cookie pastries very literally under my belt remains to be seen.

Until then, I’ll keep staring at the box art with crossed eyes in hopes of seeing a hidden circus clown.

Perhaps the more interesting of the pair is newcomer Chocolate Cupcake Pop-Tart. Bearing what couldn’t possibly be a purely coincidental resemblance to Hostess Cupcakes, these eloquently swirled Pop-Tarts pair chocolate pastry crust and icing with a white filling that I have to assume will taste much like Confetti Cupcake’s, making Chocolate the lighter cake–pastry’s villainous counterpart, much like Sugar Cookie recently received.

Overall, I have mixed hopes for Chocolate Cupcake Pop-Tarts. On one hand, you can’t really go wrong with chocolate and vanilla. Yet with so many satisfactory chocolate Pop-Tarts out there—and one really good cookie-doughy one—including the likes of Hot Fudge Sundae and the always-randomly-returning Chocolate Vanilla Crème, Chocolate Cupcake will have to amp up its custardy magnitude if it wants to stand out.

Otherwise I’ll just take a clothes iron to my snack cakes.

Expect both of these flavors to hit stores in June. If you spot ’em early, we heartily encourage you to send us a photo!